2 year old calling step dad ‘daddy’

[Amyjo2003]

Hi! So we’re in a abit of a sticky situation. My 2 year old son’s bio dad has not been in his life but his step dad has helped me raise my son since he was a month old. Naturally my son is calling my husband ‘daddy’ we haven’t encouraged this or discouraged it. However his bio dad has reached out and all of a sudden wants to see him. How do I go about this as I don’t want my son getting confused.

How did he start calling your dp 'daddy'?
Are you happy for your ex to have contact? Is he on the birth certificate?

He just one day started calling him daddy. He is on the birth certificate. I’m not necessarily happy my ex is now wanted contact after going ghost for so long but unfortunately there’s nothing I can do about it

At 2 years old he 100% has not just started calling him daddy. Not unless he lives with other children who call this man daddy and has picked it up that way. Someone would have had to be referring to this man as daddy

Make him a little book with photos explaining his family. You can build on it as he grows and add more detail + any new additions. Stick it in his room with his picture books and let him pull it out and read it with him whenever he wants.
You could try picking different ´dad’ names for his bio father and step dad. He’ll probably do what he wants though.

The only thing I can think of is picking it up from miss rachel and his tv shows

If he’s seen other models of families from other kids or even TV (Peppa pig for example) then he may have started doing this on his own.

Plus he does has a little sister whose biological dad to his step dad

So say if you were in the front room and your partner was in the kitchen and your child say he needed a drink would you say “Go into the kitchen and see Mike he’ll get you one?”

Thank you that’s a good idea to be fair!

How have you been referring to him when speaking with your child? If you had always used his name, so would your son.

There’s nothing wrong with him calling your partner Daddy, a lot of step children do this and it’s fine.

However it should be explained from a young age that he didn’t help Mummy make you, another man did. But he can still a Daddy as he loves him and will raise him.

Look into story books around blended families, step parents etc. I’m sure there’s lots out there.

There’s no right or wrong way to handle the situation but just don’t hide anything because it’s not fair on your son.

Why is this a big deal? He is his daddy - his step-daddy. Maybe just help him understand that families look different and in this case he has a daddy and a step daddy

We used to refer to his step dad by his name but once his little sister started calling him daddy he started doing it. So we then just referred to him as daddy to both kids as he has been his only father figure and I assumed we’d never hear from his bio dad as we haven’t heard anything from him in over 2 years.

Let the bio dad take it to court, no way should he just be walking back in after two years.

Tbh I would do but I’m not sure if the court will care about that unfortunately and I don’t want it to end up being a waste of time although it’s absolutely disgusting how he’s been treated by his bio dad

If he’s 2 and you already have another child who is old enough to be calling anyone daddy, things have moved very quickly in your relationship. This has the potential to be quite confusing because he, I assume, doesn’t understand the concept of ‘dad’ well enough to know that his stepdad is not his dad, even though he’s always been there. If that’s the case, I’d first start with introducing the idea that he has two dads, essentially.

I wouldn’t expect him to call the man who has raised him Bob and some guy he hasn’t met Dad, but I do think you’re probably going to have to come up with an alternative name of some sort. Assuming they both stick around. Gay dads may have an answer for you here. My gay friend and his husband go by Dad and Dada to their (now young adult) children.

Don’t stop him calling his step dad Daddy. It’s fine.

Add more information. Occasionally refer to Daddy Steve. If you decide to introduce his bio dad, then ‘this is your father, mummy was good friends with him a long time ago, before you were born.’

Over time he’ll ask questions, and answer them honestly but in a limited age appropriate way.

He’ll collect names for people and you’ll probably end up with Daddy Steve and Daddy Dave.

Daddy Dave will usually be Daddy Dave.
Daddy Steve will usually be Daddy, unless he needs to indicate which daddy it is.

Much better for him to have two daddies than none.

I disagree. He will have seen families all around him where the children call the man in the family Daddy. On TV, at playgroups, nursery etc and to all intents and purposes he is his Daddy he has been in his life since he was a tiny baby.
OP I think you need a simple explanation for your son. There are some good children's books that feature different types of families. Perhaps you could go through those with him. Don't over complicate it and I'm sure he won't be confused.

When I say he’s two he’s 3 in a couple of months and I have a 13 month old daughter me and my partner been together 3 years towards end of year me and my sons bio dad split up when I fell pregnant with my son and said “he wanted nothing to do with me or the baby”. And from that statement and not being involved in 3 years I thought that’s it we’re not going to hear from him again. And although I have never encouraged my son to call my partner ‘dad’ I’m not going to stop him if that’s what he comfortable with and it felt easier as I thought he isn’t going to have his bio dad around anyways and my son and partners bond is incredible and always there for him for everything and provided everything for us.
so how I see it is why shouldn’t he be allowed to call him dad when he’s stepped up for him because his bio dad didn’t want to. I feel like sometimes the title ‘dad’ and ‘mum’ should be earnt and not automatically given

2 years I mean

That’s not your headache m, it’s his. He can get legal advice. Parental abandonment is a massive trauma that’s just reopened every time the waltz in and out of children’s lives.

regarding your DS using the name daddy, does your partner have any intention to adopt your DS? Because that makes a difference.

Yeah so about that ages ago when me and my partner started getting serious and moved in together my ex said he’d sign over his parental rights off to my my partner and then when it started planning to do it he just went ghost for two years and now recently wants to see him again. It’s confusing for me a grown adult never mind my little one. I makes it worse to because he’s being tested for autism and if it turns out he has it it’s going to be even worse