Looking for some opinions on family/kids

[hatethegym11]

So, my friend and I were having a discussion, back story, she had a baby by a man that’s decided to have nothing to do with either of them, my friend thinks she should contact the grandparents/aunts/uncles etc to see if they would like contact with the baby, my friend was asking for my opinion but I really don’t know what I think is right in this scenario, can anyone help me as I can’t seem to work out what I think around this

Is it actually you? As surely otherwise you'd have an opinion?

Fwiw, I wouldn't. If they know then they have taken and accepted whatever spin his put on it and aren't interested. If they don't know then that's a whole can of worms and a nightmare to navigate with people dipping in and out of the baby's life.

I say this as someone who knows something like this happening first hand. Don’t. It caused a LOT of stress and looked worse on the mother (unfortunately) x

It’s not me, one minute I think they deserve to know then I think it will just be a nightmare.
I don’t know if they’re aware of the baby. Im not sure if there is a black and white answer

@sashastuckwhat do you mean, looked worse on the mother?

I imagine they spun it that she was the unhinged jealous ex who tried to trap him with a baby or similar

My DSD has no contact with her mum but has some brilliant relationships with her mums family so I would contact them just because the dads useless doesn’t mean they are and the more family support and adults who love them the better.

@Springadorable bang on and nobody ended up having anything to do with the baby anyway.

Ps I know that sounds horrible. It’s not my story but I saw it unfold x

It’s a really hard one as all families are different, she never knew his parents or other family so she probably will look like she is stirring but on the other hand the grandparents have a granddaughter they know nothing about

If they wanted it, they would seek it.
The best thing she can do is forget about them ENTIRELY, and raise her kid her way as though they didn’t exist. A child needs consistency and knowing who their family are, not some half in half out set up.

I think she has pretty much made her mind up and I can see both sides, thinking about it I probably would leave it alone, my ex husband lived with me and our 2 children all their lives before we split, they were 15 and 11 and didn’t have any contact after some people really aren’t right

You need to think of this from the child’s point of view, not the mother’s or the grandparents. It is in the best interests of the child to know their genetic family. Yes it will be a pain for the mother, but you can’t have too many people loving a child, and looking out for a child. They get to know their full heritage and where they came from.

If they would be a positive loving influence on a child’s life, I think they would already be involved.

If what you’re saying is the dad is such a turd that he has never even told his family that he has created a child, consider the sort of family that raised a man with values like that. I wouldn’t want them messing my child about too.

It would absolutely be a no from me. I say this as someone who grew up with a largely absent dad. I wasn’t close to his family (though we knew each other existed) and I have no regrets about them not being involved in my life.