OCD around sterilising bottles!

[Hannah2025]

Hi everyone,

I am currently almost 3wPP and struggling hugely with PP anxiety and OCD. I’ve always had OCD, but my little one being in the NICU (he has been home just over a week) has exasperated this.

I am so exhausted as I just don’t trust ANYONE (including my husband) to sterilise bottles / change nappies etc properly. My mission this week is to start trusting him!

I am so over the top with the steriliser (we use Milton) so much so that I wash my hands about 5 times when I make up a bottle, I use tongs to put everything together and even if the teat slightly grazes a muslin or my hand I will put it o be washed and make another up. I already know this is OTT but unfortunately the intrusive thoughts are winning at the moment.

I really want to have confidence in my husband making the bottles up but he’s so much more relaxed than me. I know for a fact he would just quickly wash his hands, put the bottle together and crack on with things, he wouldn’t be as vigilant with me and ensure he didn’t touch the teat etc.

Am I being over the top and unreasonable? He wants to help but I’m just scared. But I also need to trust him as I know if I don’t I won’t ever be able to get any sleep or leave our son with him for the next 6-12 months!

If someone could help rationalise with me I’d appreciate it. I just want to know how cautious I really should be. It makes me so nervous!

As long as he washes his hands, and every part of the bottle has been in the Milton/otherwise sterilised, it's ok if he accidentally touches the teat (if you are breastfeeding, your nipples aren't sterile, nor would you want them to be! Baby is picking up your natural friendly skin bacteria every time you snuggle/feed).

The sterilisation isn't really about germs from your hands, it's about germs that have the potential to live in the milk before/after making it up. If you make up the formula as the packet tells you to, that's absolutely belt and braces already, the hot water in the formula is also then sterilising the bottle contents. The UK instructions on making up bottles are more strict than many other countries.

But with OCD, sometimes reassurance can make things worse? Can you get some support from eg the health visitor?

Why are you using Milton? Is it on hospital advice? I had no choice 35 years ago but I hated it. Steam sterilising is so much nicer. Start trusting DH with nappies. I was a bit like this but you may just get more confident and frankly bored with the bottle situation. Congratulations on your new baby.

Congratulations on your new arrival. You need to get help for your anxiety and build up to trusting your husband. He has to be able to do all the things that you do for your baby. Good luck.

My daughter was in hospital when she started on formula and they used Milton's there so we just continued the same when we got home, this was in 2021 @Funnyduck60

Firstly I'm sorry you have had a tricky start to motherhood and I'm sorry it's brought your OCD to the surface more. Do you have any support, please do reach out. I had severe pnd and had great support from my HV and the perinatal mental health team.

Secondly I think maybe you and your partner needs to sit down and come up with an agreed approach to bottle making. Trying to find a middle ground between the process your OCD is leading you towards and how most people prepare bottles. Given your start and your OCD I'm not surprised that it's a difficult thing for you. It's something you are putting them in their delicate bodies several times a day with time you will get confidence they they are more robust than they seem but if for now you need to be a bit more cautious, especially if this is alongside getting support for your OCD that's ok.

Do you think if you could have a tray for preparing the bottles on that you could clean down before starting you could be a bit more relaxed about things going on this tray and not needing extra sterilising.

I would then work on starting to assemble some part by hand and not with the tongues. Start with the bits least likely to come into contact with babies mouth.

Could part of the process be to put the top on the bottle to protect the teat. Not touching the tip of teat was one of the things the nursery nurses on the ward I was on were quite careful with and they put the top on the bottle to protect quite quickly. If we were seen walking around or cooling a bottle without a lid on we were asked to put a lid on. When at home we didn't bother as much but my daughter was 10 months when she went on to formula and she didn't feel as delicate then.

You really need to talk to your health visitor or GP and get some mental health support because no this is not in any way normal, but I suspect you already know this and that’s why you’re posting. There’s truly no shame in it- all the hormone changes and the lack of sleep mean you’re much more vulnerable to MH issues after birth, not to mention that it sounds like there’s possibly some birth trauma relating to the NICU stay. Ask for help and it will get better.

I don’t know if this will help at all but sterilising is very much a belt and braces approach that you’re advised to do in case you missed any old milk when washing up because the leftover milk can grow some seriously nasty bacteria. It’s not about having a sterile environment, clean hands not touching the bottle or anything like that- it’s all about removing any tiny trace of old milk. Which also means that if you did a proper job washing up, which I’m sure you did because you sound very thorough, the sterilising isn’t even really doing anything. It’s just an extra step that’s there in case the first stage wasn’t done properly. When I lived in the US it wasn’t even recommended for most babies. As for the nappies what’s the worst that could happen there? DH doesn’t put it on properly, there’s a leak and some extra laundry as a result? Maybe start with him doing those and aim to build up as you get some mental health support.

You’re not alone with this. I had an electric steriliser with both mine and I think I had about three each because I burnt the element on them repeatedly putting them on. It’s probably quite a common thing to do with post partum anxiety. As pp said it’s more the milk residue that’s the worry. You probably need some mental health support. I definitely did

So sorry to hear you're unwell. I hope you can get the help you know you need 💐
Fwiw, by our 3rd child we barely sterilised anything. And my hand-washing is minimal due to ezcema on hands. Before you know it your child will be crawling around the garden eating soil and slugs. But people telling you that won't change your behaviour, you need professional help.

First of all, congratulations on your new arrival.
Second of all, the obvious thing to say is that I hope you're seeking the support you need to face this. PPA and OCD is so common, and there is so much help out there now so please utilise it.
Thirdly - the bottles. Which ones are you using? I got a bit like this over bottles when DS was born, didn't trust DH at all. Hated milton and anything that involved a tongs because I felt like they'd always get touched somehow.
I used MAM bottles and stuck with microwave sterilising them as a contained unit. The way you set them up to sterilise means you do not touch off any internal parts when putting them back together. You'd need to see it or do it to know what I mean but I loved it, still do.
Now, the sterilising etc is only a symptom of the bigger issue, so while I'm giving this practical advice, it's not the most important part to address. Please talk to someone and get yourself on the right track to feeling better💜

Hi OP I understand that you are really nervous if your baby was in NICU so maybe the advice would be different in that case but I live in France and the official advice here is don’t bother sterilizing bottles.

I was told by hospital staff and my two midwives to wash bottles, teats and any milk pump parts in hot soapy water, rinse with hot water and let it all air dry. They said if there are still a few tiny drops of water here and there on the inside then not to worry. I told my midwives that in UK/Ireland everyone is very careful to sterilize and they were both surprised, saying if the water supply is clean and not contaminated then there is no need.

Sometimes all this advice is cultural and changes depending on the country, people do different things and there are not necessarily higher child mortality/sickness rates… I thought knowing that might help you to relax about sterilizing!

As for the changing nappies, you just have to let your husband do it and work things out for himself. He won’t be as quick or efficient as you but it’s not the end of the world… you might get more leaks but he’ll work it out.

At the start my boyfriend would change nappies after night feeds to help me rest, he would disappear in the next room for about 20 minutes with the baby and I would lie awake wondering how on earth it could take him so long! He struggled to put the clothes on, button it all up etc but with practice he got quicker. You can’t take on all the workload or emotional load, you need to let yourself delegate

Thank you so much everyone for all your replies. Deep down I know that the mindset I have is all wrong, but it’s so hard to get out of it. Part of me tells me I’m being irrational but then part of me says ‘if you don’t do this something could go awfully wrong’. I’m just so paranoid over him, and I know I need help.

It’s reassuring to hear other countries don’t sterilise, and that sterilising is just an extra layer of safety etc. I do try and remind myself people have babies every day all around the globe and sterilisation is not always possible and babies still grow up healthy and happy. It doesn’t help that my mum is also extremely OCD so has drilled it into me about the sterilising and being careful etc.

I appreciate all your responses, they have definitely put me at a bit more ease. I feel a lot better today and let my husband do a bottle overnight which got me some well earned sleep ❤️