3yo suddenly clingy at drop off

[sloanesq]

3yo DS attends nursery 3 days a week, Tuesday Thursday and Friday. He is with family or me on Monday and Wednesday. This is less than ideal as he’s in and out of nursery during the week, so maybe it would be better for him to have a “run” of days?

Over the past 2 weeks he’s suddenly started being really clingy at nursery drop off. Initially fine, uses the fob to get in, hangs his coat and bag up, puts his bottle in the right place - but then goes really shy and clingy and won’t let go of me.
He’s usually quite an extroverted child but has always been shy and quiet when he goes into or leaves nursery - so won’t say hello or good morning or bye to anyone. When he’s there he is happy, plays nicely, has good friends, loves the routine etc.

Its heartbreaking as I’ve tried just walking off and he wails, I’ve tried staying and having a bit of cuddle/play then trying to leave - but some days he has tears in his eyes and clings like a limpet.
Is this possibly just a phase? Or something I can do something about? In a way it’s nice that he loves being with us so much that he wants to stay at home but it’s disruptive and I have to plan every day for a huge delay in getting to work.

As long as he’s fine once he’s there, I wouldn’t worry about it. My granddaughter is the same, even when she’s dropped here one day a week. She’d just rather spend time with her parents. I don’t take it personally, she’s quite happy here 🙂

It’s just a phase. Try and get him to bed half an hour earlier at night. He could just be tired.
lighter nights and mornings can have an impact without us really realising.

Has something happened in nursery that has scared him?

so Common the novelty wears off and tears come. Come to door quick kiss say mummy back at whatever time or after second snack etc. leave immediately even if he is crying staff are trained to deal with it. Do not linger as it makes it worse. Kid learns if I cry mum will stay. You can ask staff to give you a reassuring phone call if they can depends on staffing. Good luck

defo a phase, my friend said the separation anxiety at nursery drop offs with her boy was worst at 1 years old and 3 years old

Definitely could be a phase, my little one was exactly the same. He started going at 2 and was absolutely fine until about 3, then went through a stage of seperation anxiety, saying he didn’t want to go, stropping and crying at drop off etc. Then at around 3 and a half he was fine again and went in happily. Nothing had upset him as far as I know, he can communicate well and does tell me if he’s had a ‘falling out’ with a little friend at preschool or if another child has hurt him or staff have “told him off” (meaning they’ve asked him nicely to tidy up his own mess 😂) and none of these were really happening at the time, so I just it was genuinely just a phase.

How verbal is he? I wonder if something has upset him at nursery. Also check with the manager there and ask them.

It may be a phase, but maybe he is upset for a specific reason too

This is probably just a phase but often it's about what they think they may be missing rather than the setting they are going into. Wouldn't worry too much about it.

If he has a reasonably good vocabulary can you talk to him about it? Some children do just seem to struggle with it, my dd is 7 and still finds it tricky, it's normally the transition they find tricky rather than an issue with where they're going or who they're with. However, if you can chat to him about it, you can ask him if anything at nursery makes him feel sad etc. I find a goodbye routine helps my daughter, so I say before we get there in the car, "I'll do one big cuddle, then one big kiss and then I'll say have an amazing day, see you later and you're gonna run in to find your friends" - sometimes playing it out in advance makes it easier. Or go for sayings "see you later alligator" and he says "in a while crocodile". I also always tell my daughter "mummy always comes back" I say it when I pop out, when we have a babysitter, when I drop her at school- it's ingrained and I can just say "what does mummy always do" and she answers "come back". I think as they get older they do start to worry more.

It’s most likely a phase. One of my DCs did this too when they were around 3yo. I used to have to carry them in kicking and screaming, but they’d be fine 10 mins later playing with friends etc. It was like this for about a month and then just went back to normal.