My child is 12 years old and from the moment she could talk as always had issues in not wanting to see her
dad, getting upset crying wanting to stay with me. when she had her first holiday with him she said never let me be away that amount of time from you. When she was younger police and
social services where involved due to
an incident that happened between her father and ex gf. This was when I
learnt some truths about his past and past behavior towards his other
children and the children's mothers.
social service advised me to seek legal action and not allow him to see her let it go to courts.
This infuriated him and he became
abrusive, threatening to take my child from school and me never see her
again. This scared the living daylights out of me so I got an injuction out on
him. 4 months later he was with a new girlfriend and was wanting to see her eventually he wore me down and
I gave in always afraid he would take me to court and get full custody.
This is a man who is manipulative and narcissistic and very good with his
words. Things seem to improve but he would go weeks without seeing her or demand seeing her more to make up
for time he hadn't spent with her. The older she got I noticed that she was
showing signs of being on the
spectrum socially awkward, needing to know plans and rountine and if things didn't go to plan or the rountine went a bit iffy she would show signs of
distress or upsetment or if I couldn't
take her or pick her from school and it was someone else she would have
melt downs.
This as become harder with contact
with her father when he changes his
plans or contact and as become more unsettled in wanting to go. Every time I have tried explaining this to him he
calls her a spolit brat wanting to get
her own way that theres nothing wrong with her that's she not on the spectrum, that her thoughts or feelings dont
count. Every time I have tried to work with him or give in to his needs and wants at the cost of my child being upset & heartbroken not wanting to go closing the door on her leaving with him seeing her like that thinking what an horrible mother i am. Allowing contact on his terms but when I want
her because I want to do something with her due to being a single mum working full time he refuses or makes it difficult. If he
doesn't get his own way he becomes abrusive and starts threatening me with 50/50 custody.
Our daughter as expressed for years to me that she as no interest in her
father, she doesn't like him or feel
there's any love, that he feels like a
stranger to her. That she feels
uncomfortable around him and finds him weird. This i have kept from him in fear of hurting him but how he speaks to me about her there's love or
warmth from him that she's a
business case. He speaks in percentages about the contact he as with her,
never says he wants her because he
loves her and when it suits him says
he will walk away from her for good
but then his wife steps in and just
says its because hes upset he doesn't know how to express his feelings yet
this was the man who wanted me to
get an abortion and didnt have
anything to do with her until she was 6 months old his choice not mine found out I was pregnant after we split up
and then was inconsistent with
contact up until age of 2.
Then became better from age of 3
once I let him have contact after he
said the injunction didnt mean
anything now I had answered the
phone to him. Being naive in believing that was the case.
Anyway the final straw came for my
daughter to feel even more strongly
about her feelings towards him when he tried making contact a full weekend when it should have been 1 night
kicking of once again threatening
50/50 custody but this time sending
our daughter a txt to say she would
be living with him that he was getting
a judge and taking me to court. So my daughter pleading that she didnt want to go at all knowing this but i forced
her to go because of the fear of him
and how he gets in my head. Which I
feel ashamed of for allowing her to go because the following day he refused
to bring her home until he got answers as to why she didnt want to go. She
tried to explain that she didnt like
going and preferred to be with me but he said that wasn't an answer and
repeatedly kept saying why why until
you give me the truth your not going
home. Our daughter was distraught crying saying I want to go home i want my mum and he shouted and said no your not. I rang him because my daughter
had called me distressed and upset
begging me to go get her. He told me
that I wouldn't be taking her home until he got answers and i wouldn't be
allowed in the door would be locked.
Eventually he brought my daughter home after hours of being upset because she said it was down to wanting to be with friends but if she tried to say anything different she thought she would never get home after trying to tell him earlier in the day and he wouldn't accept that as answer. Then he brought her home as nothing had happened didnt apologise for his
behaviour towards me or his daughter that told me he had apologise to her but she said he didn't other than blackmail her if you keep coming you can have this and that. I said it was out of order for his behaviour towards her and me and that she wouldn't want to see him when it came to next contact and he
went have explained my actions and
she will. My daughter is now saying
she doesn't want to see him again
incase he does it again or that he will never bring her home. That she is
scared. What do I do other than try to
protect her and over all well being that this is screaming emotional abuse.