FIFO mums/husbands who travel- what age are two kids manageable by yourself?

[Theresa88]

Hi mums! My husband is considering a job in another city which would have him away for approx 3/4 nights every fortnight (like Mon-Thursday or Friday every second week). I currently have two kids aged 3 months and 2.9 years. I'm wondering at what ages these two kids would be manageable on my own with that type of travel schedule for my husband? not now but sometime in the future. The older one would be in daycare/kindy/school 4 or 5 days a week. The younger one would be in daycare/kindy 2/3 days a week while I was working 2 days a week. There would be no family help but I could probably afford a babysitter sometimes. Thanks for your thoughts :)

My husband has always travelled a similar amount for work and the youngest was 3 months when he started travelling again.

Hi OP. Such a tricky question because each parent and child are different. Depends on your energy levels, the kid's dynamics and needs. Mine are 4 and 8 and I'd say even now I'm hesitant for one of the parents to take a job where they're not available for mornings. I do have a sometime school refuser though. DP and I struggle with more than a few hours alone with them at the weekends, we are older parents.

From birth, didn't have a choice really since DH is in the Army!

You just get used to it and get on with it.

4 nights a fortnight? Surely…now?

I think it just is what it is, there's a phase when it's quite easy before the baby can crawl and then you have to re-adjust again when they're on the move and then again when they decide they don't want to stay in the pram on outings etc.

So, I don't think there's a particular age, just start getting used to it as soon as possible, set your routine, and it will get easier and easier!

Sorry. Now, assuming both you and the children are in good health and NT.

For me it's "is the money worth it"?

If the job is worth it for you to have a decent lifestyle, which it sounds like you will working 2 days, then roll with it.

Missed where you might have a day off to get stuff done during the week. That would make a difference

As pps have said, any age is ‘manageable’. Enjoyable is a different matter!

id say once baby is in nursery that would make a big a difference, also elder one in school. With the age gap your two have I think waiting till 5 and 2 would be ideal but 4 and 1 would be ok.

It's such a personal thing. There isn't a right or wrong answer. Mine are a similar age (3.1 years and 8 months) and I've been on my own since birth. Eldest goes to pre school 2 days but the rest of the time she's with me and that's how I like it. Personally, I think it depends on how hands on your husband is, how desperate you are for the money and how he feels about it. There is noway I'd be happy being away from my children 4 nights a fortnight on a permanent basis so it would be an essential sacrifice for their benefit only from me. Others would be totally fine with it and enjoy the child free time.

I'd agree that now is manageable, assuming everyone is in reasonable health, no significant extra needs or concerns. You get into a rhythm and find ways that work for you.

However, I would also push that when he is home on alternate weeks, DH needs to take the lead on the morning/evening routine a reasonable amount of time to keep a relatively balanced parenting relationship and not create a situation where mummy is the only one who can do the weekday morning routine or bathtime or bedtime.

my boys are now 3 and 1 but hubby used to do overnights 3 days a week since his paternity ended so I was left alone with a newborn and a 2 year old.

He works a job that pays really well so we didn’t really have a choice as no where else would pay the same. My now 3 year old is on the pathway for autism and is high needs as he has no danger awareness and needs supervising 24/7. My one year old is the most relaxed toddler in the world.

I have my hands full. It was really hard initially but you sort of adjust and get into a routine. As long as partner is doing his fair share when he is present I use that time to relax and also get a few hours sleep in if needed.

I had a year or so of him working that schedule and then luckily he managed to get promoted which meant no more overnights.

I did use to meal prep whilst he was at home so the days away would be easier. Bulk cooking for the kids. Things like home made nuggets, pasta sauce that’s I’d freeze etc and meals that could be defrosted easier. Breakfast id batch make pancakes/waffles/egg bites and freeze and defrost as and when.

With daycare, driving will help you get around and as long as you plan the timings you will be absolutely fine. It is and will be hard work and some days are harder than others but I promise you it’s worth it when both your goals are making sure the kids thrive as do the two of you.

you got this girl. I’m sure you will handle whatever comes your way. As parents we just adjust but remember to go easy on yourself aswell and take time for you to.

Lot of variables but in most cases I would say as soon as Paternity leave ends

I only have one DC, husband always travelled for work. I found the baby times easier than when there were 2 of us here because DH has always worked late.