More than 1 child?

[redfoxgo]

My son is 3.5 and panicking that I really should be trying for another baby for him to have a sibling. But I just don’t know if I actually want a second child. So worried about him being lonely but we have such a good family life currently with one and really think it would all change with 2.
Looking for stories of parents with 1 child only and if they regret it?

thank you

I have 3. I found a lot of parents with 1 child felt they could ‘drop’ theirs off for play dates because they had fun at mine —— and “1 more won’t make a difference”

Clearly their child wanted a playmate.

I soon cottoned on to thins and avoided single children, because play dates were never reciprocated.

Do not have another child because your son wants a playmate! Even if you conceive today he will be 4 when they’re born and that newborn will not a ready made playmate make.

Two children is hard. I have a 2.5 year old and 7 month old. One sleeps all night but the other doesn’t, one is eating, the other isn’t, one is going through a sunny phase, the other a leap and grouchy. Childcare is double the cost. Everything is double the cost. I absolutely wanted a second though and know it will be worth it in the end, do you feel that way?

I have one child and zero regrets, but I'm not sure how knowing this helps you. Everybody is different and you must do what's right for you.

However, I would suggest that having a second as a playmate for your first is a really terrible reason and could badly backfire if all they do is bicker.

more than one child can be hard but I’d rather than any day than be deliberately one and done

I've got two but had just one for several years. Having two is very different. Mine have a very good relationship but are often far more likely to wind each other up than play together nicely. The real challenge has been logistics. We are constantly running ourselves ragged getting them to their activities which are often different due to their different ages. There is very little downtime for us now whilst life was relatively relaxed once our first got out of her toddler years before we had our second. It wasn't as bad when our second was a baby and I was on mat leave and she just tagged along to her sister's stuff but once she got to pre-school age it was so busy.

1 child, no regrets what so over, she’s a happy sociable child with lots of friends. She goes on playdates and we host in return.
I find 1 easy.

I don’t think children care if they have siblings. I’m an only child and I had a very happy childhood. I never wished for a sibling and my family of origin is dysfunctional enough that as an adult, I’m definitely glad I don’t have one. 😂

That said, the thing to consider is if YOU want more than one child. One of my best childhood friends was an only child. She died at 18. I’ve always wondered what life has been like for her parents who made it all the way to raising a child to adulthood and then had no children or grandchildren in their old age.

Similarly, I am NC with my mum, but even before that, I moved to the other side of the world. Even if we weren’t estranged, she wouldn’t have a child or grandchildren around because she had just one child and I’m no longer in my home country. It sounds funny to say it, but I had two children because I wanted an heir and a spare. 😂 Two children doubles the chance that one will be here somewhere when they’re adults and having lifelong relationships with my dc is really important to me because of my own family.

I don’t know that they will care one way or the other when they are grown (they certainly don’t appreciate each other now and I’ve never known siblings who did anything but fight!), but I am grateful and happy I have them both, but that’s because I always wanted two children.

That said, you still have plenty of time to decide. There’s 5 years between mine and I wouldn’t have wanted them any closer in age.

I think If you’re not sure, then I wouldn’t.

I desperately wanted another when my youngest was around 1.5. I think it that urge isn’t there, then I probably wouldn’t bother.

My daughter was 3 before we felt we were ready to try for a second but we didn't know if we wanted a second. Trying to conceive wasn't straightforward for us as I was on medication I couldn't conceive on so I arranged a medication review and came away with an 6 month plan to change my medication on to ones that were safe for conception.
I started some counselling to unpack my pregnancy and first 2 years of motherhood as my daughter and I had a tricky time and that helped. Once I was in the last 3 months of the medication switch I started taking a folic acid supplement. I had to slow the swap down so it took a bit longer and then i had to decide whether we really did want to try for a second. We ultimately decided we would like to try but also that we would also be happy as a family of 3.
I went on to have two miscarriages and we decided to give it 3 months and then we would stop. I did get pregnant again and am due in September.

I am very confident we would have been happy as a family of 3. My daughter is 5 in August and we have some close friends who are either only children or whose siblings are already adults and I think there's some commonality within our family units with children that don't have siblings to occupy them. Mostly it's more park trips so they have other children to run around with when other children might be running around with siblings or aren't free for the park as they are running between various clubs for the two children.

We were unsure but I would say closer to yes than no but one thing that really helped was not making the decision all in one go. The decision to try for a second was an ongoing conversation that has lasted 18+months. Taking the small steps helped clarify where my mind was in that moment. I think trying was right for us but also if this last pregnancy hadn't stuck it would have been right to stop. It's important to be all in when it comes to pregnancy and having a baby. Keep talking and take the decision at your pace.

Two children is hard. I have a 2.5 year old and 7 month old

Slightly detailing the thread - but what I would say is that @tangerinemagic is in the worst stage of it with two. When my two got just a little bit older and were 5 and 2.5, life suddenly became a lot easier. They played together and we could watch on benignly, rather than having to be actively involved in the same way. So I would say it’s a decision to make in the round/. What’s easier now may not be easier in five years (and vice versa). There are pros and cons with all family set ups and all anyone can do is play up the positives and try and downplay the negatives. Do what’s right for you.

Yes, I always found this too, and it used to happen with strangers on holiday

What matters is what YOU want. There is no guarantee they will be best friends and frankly you've left it a bit late for them to be playmates anyway.

You're on the cusp of being able to have exciting holidays again, watch him play independently, off to school and no more childcare fees etc etc

But will you be sad you didn't get another child? Not just another baby, that's very short lived, but another child, for life? It's how I think about it.

I Can’t tell you how many times I’ve thought recently ‘this time in 2 years…’. Just ringing I was sitting at the table early evening feeding 7 month old, he was screaming for food vs my 2.5 year old waiting patiently, was worrying how to serve the roast re choking hazards, bath time and bedtime is harder with baby, lots of screaming. I have two boys and my 2.5 year old is not easy but I’m sure a 5.5 year old and 2.5 year old is much easier.

I’m thinking 1 and 3 will be the hardest though….

I have to completely disagree with these rather uninformed comments. As a mum of one, I actually host the majority of playdates, and my husband and I recently spent two weeks on holiday entertaining five children- our own plus four others from two different families our daughter made friends with.

While the kids occasionally wanted an adult to join in (e.g., to throw a ball or play a game), their own parents were nowhere to be see, too busy sitting at the bar and assuming the kids would just keep each other entertained. We didn’t see either set of parents play with the children once during the entire holiday.

As parents of an only child, we often have more energy and are happy to get involved, but that doesn’t mean families with multiple kids are always more attentive or better at managing play. It works both ways. Let’s not make sweeping generalisations, two-child parebts can be just as inattentive, if not more so.

Also, referring to a sibling as a ‘playmate’ really says a lot about your thoughts!!

The average number of children per woman is 1.44 nowadays, obviously those with lots of kids / no children affect the results. When I was born it was 2.4 children per woman. Women are having less children (on average) so there are lot more singletons about.