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Parenting

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Original poster

Why did you decide to use a childminder (as opposed to a nursery)? How do you feel about it now?

36 replies

Twinklemegan · 20/05/2008 22:58

DS used to go to nursery for a day a week but now we've moved out of the area and it looks like we'll have to use a childminder. I've been to see the only one with spaces this evening. She seems very nice, DS settled straight away and DH is happy with her (and he's the SAHD so he gets a big say). Something just doesn't feel right to me, and I think it has a lot to do with another woman looking after my child. Somehow in a home setting this feels more threatening and less safe for DS than in a nursery. Is this irrational?

Also, a related question, how do you feel about your DC going with the childminder in the car to pick up/drop off other children? Am I being stupid to worry about this?

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Original poster

Twinklemegan · 20/05/2008 23:01

Sorry, I should have said, my DS is 22 months old.

OP posts:

Kewcumber · 20/05/2008 23:06

My DS has only been to childminder and not a nursery so I don;t have a comparison but I chose it because I wanted a home environment for him. She has 4 DC's herself (2 older teenagers and 2 younger) two dogs and two cats and her husband works shifts so is also sometimes around. As I am a single mum and DS is an only child, I rather like him having exposure to the kind of bedlam I grew up with!

Don't see school pick up and drop off as any different to having older childrne yourself and doing it if you stayed at home. I;m not sure what your concern is. DS loves going to the school to pick up her 5 yr old particularly.

He's 2.6 now and has settled really well there, I'd hate to move him.

Katisha · 20/05/2008 23:08

My two have been at a childminder's since they were babies. They are 8 and 6 yrs now. I don't have a problem with them having a great relationship with her - it's what I wanted, rather than a classroom environment.

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Original poster

Twinklemegan · 20/05/2008 23:10

Hi Kewcumber - my concern is I don't trust anyone else to drive a car that my child is in. I don't think I'm being very rational...

OP posts:

Nursejo · 20/05/2008 23:13

I have used both a Nursery and several Childminders.I liked the Nursey apart from the fees but did feel it was an "institution" like Playgroup and not as "personal" as a Childminder.All the Childminders I have used did become like a 2nd Mum,which is hard at first,but in your heart thats what you want for your child to have a closeness with someone,and feel they can trust them totally.I found my Lo's got more one to one attention,and felt more secure.They often go on car trips,and the CM has always wanted to show me the Car seats etc. that she uses.Apart from the cost being alot lower than a Nursery,the flexibility is better,and when unexpected things crop up,they will always endeavour to help with extra hoursetc.whereas my Nursery had to fill their places,and couldnt offer me flexibility.

LyraSilvertongue · 20/05/2008 23:13

I used a nursery when DSs were very young. But recently a friend has registered as a childminder so they now go to her (one day a week). It certainly helps that I knew her as a friend before she was their childminder. Not sure I'd trust some random woman I didn't already know.

Original poster

Twinklemegan · 20/05/2008 23:19

Is £4.50 an hour expensive for a childminder (in Scotland)?

OP posts:

LyraSilvertongue · 20/05/2008 23:21

Mine charged £5.50 an hour (London)

TattooedGrrrl · 21/05/2008 08:37

i prefer a CM over a nursery, definately. If you're concerned because of her personality, her home etc, then that's fair. Other than that, it is a little bit OTT to worry about the car etc too much. I prefer the small group of children, the home / family setting they get, and the closer attention. Also it's usually cheaper, and CMs tend to be more flexible than nurseries.

Do you think it might just be feeling strange with one woman caring for you little one, a sort of (perfectly understandable) jealousy?

spicemonster · 21/05/2008 08:45

I am moving my DS from a nursery to a CM. Partly because of a change of job which means I can't drop him at the nursery any more and partly because there are now so many babies there (there were 6 when he started, there are now 12), he doesn't get the attention I think he needs. He is a very affectionate child and not terribly independent so I think he'd be better suited to a CM. I think some children might be better suited to nursery.

I do know what you mean though about feeling less secure - that's why I chose a nursery at the outset. I was also not very confident about my ability to choose the right person when I first went back to work and now I am.

fishie · 21/05/2008 08:45

i too have always used a cm for all the reasons stated. if ds isn't with me then i think it is the next best thing.

InTheDollshouse · 21/05/2008 09:05

I decided on a childminder because I wanted continuity of care - hopefully DD can stay with our CM until school - rather than at a nursery where the children change rooms and therefore have to get to know new staff each time. I also like the more personal, home-like environment. Plus, I'd read the study by Penelope Leach and others which found CMs to be better for under 3s than nurseries.

Our CM charges £4.30 per hr (SE England).

Kewcumber · 21/05/2008 09:17

my CM was recommended by another mumsnetter! So I didn't have any concern about my ability to pick the right person as I trusted her judgement and her DC's are lovely. Funnily enough (although a lot of people feel like this) I don't feel that she's like a second mum to him - maybe an Auntie.

If your concenr is that the CM may be a bad driver then I think you're quite within your rights to ask about their driving history and if they've had any accidents. If however you have a general fear about your child being driven by anyone else, then you're going to have to find a way of dealing with it as sooner or later someone else is going to be driving him around (friends parents, bus drivers etc)

StarlightMcKenzie · 21/05/2008 09:22

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Kewcumber · 21/05/2008 09:26

oh yes and the cost...

I hesitate to say this because I know it isn;t relevant to most people but DS was in an institution for his first 12 months and although it was (as these places go) quite pleasant, the local nursery had a very similar feel and there's no way I would want him there.

Am I reading correctly that he's only there one day a week?

GrumpyOldHorsewoman · 21/05/2008 09:30

From 4 months up to the age of almost 3 (when we moved away) DD2 went to the most fantastic CM ever.
I had been very lucky with DD1's many years previously, and wanted to find someone similar for DD2.
I never had any issues with leaving my child with another woman, and I'm so glad as the experience was so brilliant with both.
I would never have considered a nursery until they were of proper nursery age, and liked the personal, home environment coupled with the fact that both CMs were excellent people. I think nurseries can institutionalise them a bit when they are so small, and I know mine appreciated the care they received from their CM, and like Kew said, neither thought of their CM as their mum, more like a favourite aunt.
I can't remember what I paid my CM, but I know it was quite a bit less than I pay now for nursery.
After my own experiences, I admit to being a bit evangelical about CMs, but can also appreciate that some people would prefer not to have their child looked after by one other individual.

funnypeculiar · 21/05/2008 09:59

Dd & ds (now 2 & 4) go to a cm 2 days a week - they have been there since ds was 2 & dd 5 mths. Prior to that ds was at a nursery.
I made the decision to swop for all the reasons others have stated, but also I found in a nursery, ds was always moving rooms just as he really got a good relationship going with the caregivers in a room. So he would form a really strong bond, then get moved up to a set of people he didn't know well.

I do think that you need to be prepared to have a higher level of trust with a cm - because you are looking at a single person rather than the apparent safety net of an 'institution', plus there is more out & about stuff. For me, things like going for school pick-ups is an advantage - I like mine to be outside as much as possible, & it meant that ds is already totally at home at the school he'll be going next Sept My cm rarely does pick-ups in the car so mine don't go in a car very often. But I did pass on ds's spare old (but good) carseats, so I had some 'control' over the safety at that level.

Not innappropriate (imo) to ask to see & check car seats, car insurance & driving licence. But suspect that it's really about giving a leap of faith.

funnypeculiar · 21/05/2008 10:00

PS dd has a very close relationship with the cm - but she's not a second mum, agree it's Kew that it's more like an aunt relationship. Otoh, her dh is definately a second dad to dd - she worships him

Mellowma · 21/05/2008 10:05

Message withdrawn

shreddies · 21/05/2008 10:10

DS was 11 months when I went back to work, and I wanted him to be in a home environment with someone who would really get to know him and care about him. I love our childminder, she only looks after one other baby during the day and takes them out to lots of playgroups and parks.

bidibidi · 21/05/2008 10:33

A good CM is worth her weight in gold. I prefer CMs in general because you get much greater consistency of care, more variety of experiences, more individual attention to the child (ime).

tiredlady · 21/05/2008 10:42

My eldest had a terrible time at nursery. Too many staff changes, swapping rooms, too many kids etc. We then swapped to a CM and have never looked back. I like the idea of children being brought up in a home, with the same person looking after them till they go to school. I think it must feel more secure for them. I also liked the fact that my CM is a mum herself, as opposed to the teenagers who worked in the nursery.
BTW it costs £4 per hour here

cory · 21/05/2008 11:21

Most people round our way use childminders rather than nurseries because of being cheaper , and hence more readily available. But I liked the idea of a home setting anyway.

I felt the CM we picked was very safe and reliable. And she took them to playschool, so they got a bit of that too. And took them out for lots of walks, and plays in the park and all sorts of things that a nursery couldn't have managed. I also liked it that she was more flexible about things like holidays, and that there was a wider age range of children as she also took after-school children; so really it felt more like a family.

But she was definitely not a Mum replacement; I'm their Mum and they know that.

The first CM did not drive, so eventually we had to change to another who did, as dd is disabled. Feel no more worried about that than about taking dd in a taxi; my presence is hardly going to save her if someone drives into us.

It was also the case that as they grew older I felt they didn't gell quite as well with the first CM; the one they have now seems to be more of a personality match. There was never any great upheaval about it, though, and first CM did a great job.

Acinonyx · 21/05/2008 12:21

I'm about to switch dd to a CM. We are moving, and it was an opportunity to try it, as dd is rather shy and quiet and nursery has been up and down. When she was preverbal, I didn't trust a CM enough as I didn't know any personally or even through word or mouth. But she's nearly 3 now and I feel more confident - also the CMs out of town where we are going are less cramped at home than in town (I did visit some).

I'm hoping dd will be happier and more secure and there will be continuity when she starts school. I can I might feel a little jealous if she gets very attached to her CM - but that's the aim really. But as I'm already second to dh - I hope I don't become third after the CM!

Chaotica · 21/05/2008 14:38

My DD has been going to a cm since she was 5m and loves it (she's now 2), now DS goes one day a week too (he's 7m). Chosen for most of the same reasons as everyone else, and nurseries weren't flexible enough for our working hours. (We pay 3.50/h)

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