Abortion or not

TheSillyCat · 2025-05-26T11:09:26+00:00

Hi I am looking for help! I currently have an 18MO & 3 MO and I have just found out I am pregnant… massive shock as I’ve always had fertility issues! We have always wanted 3 but not this close together. We are unsure whether to keep the baby but I don’t know if I could go ahead with it, but also do not know how we would cope! Am I terrible for even thinking of aborting this baby? I want to be the best mum I can to my children now, how will I spread myself! Also we would need a new car and have to move house or extend which is not financially viable now. When the baby would be born the pther kids will be be 2YO & 10/11MO

MakeItToTheMoon · 26/05/2025 13:03

Argh feel for you OP it’s a difficult situation! Just a few questions.
How does your partner feel about having the baby?
Do you have any help from grandparents?
Could you manage in your current house with three children for example the older children share a room?

MakeItToTheMoon · 26/05/2025 13:06

Sorry forgot to add that do whatever is right for you as a family. It must be hard at the moment processing everything as well as caring for young children.

2025letsmakeitthebest1 · 26/05/2025 13:10

I had to make this decision 3 years ago. I knew that it was the best for my 3 children to give them all my attention and not to add another baby to the mix as they all have special needs.
That being said, it is something that hurts me every day. It’s not a pain I’ve healed from and not one you can openly talk about as so many people still judge.
Take your time and make the decision you feel is best for you all.

annonymous98 · 26/05/2025 13:12

You’re not terrible at all!!! You’re doing a fantastic job with such small little ones. My personal advice to a mother of two would be if it doesn’t feel right don’t go ahead.

I would also like to add in I have never had an abortion. But having a child when it doesn’t feel like the right time can sometimes throw the whole situation way off and cause a lot of issues mentally and physically for yourself and your partner.

Im not sure what your partners take on abortions are. But you do need to put yourself first. And I also would tell him until you’re sure and what you want to do.

Pashazade · 26/05/2025 13:30

Honestly if you’re less than a few weeks in I would consider an abortion, if you feel that you won’t cope then do what is best for you and your current kids. It’s not ideal no, but would life be very hard with a third in the mix. For me personally at this stage it would be a regret but probably the right choice. Good luck whatever you decide.

Original poster

TheSillyCat · 27/05/2025 09:03

MakeItToTheMoon · 26/05/2025 13:03

Argh feel for you OP it’s a difficult situation! Just a few questions.
How does your partner feel about having the baby?
Do you have any help from grandparents?
Could you manage in your current house with three children for example the older children share a room?

Thank you for the reply!
My partner is swaying more to not keep the baby, but has said he’s happy to go with whatever choice I make bless him!
Yeah, we could manage in the house I’d say for a year or two because we could have a cut in our bedroom for the new baby, but obviously that’s not ideal long-term
And no, no grandparents, no help which really sucks at times and would make this whole decision a lot easier if we did :( x

OP posts:

Original poster

TheSillyCat · 27/05/2025 09:06

annonymous98 · 26/05/2025 13:12

You’re not terrible at all!!! You’re doing a fantastic job with such small little ones. My personal advice to a mother of two would be if it doesn’t feel right don’t go ahead.

I would also like to add in I have never had an abortion. But having a child when it doesn’t feel like the right time can sometimes throw the whole situation way off and cause a lot of issues mentally and physically for yourself and your partner.

Im not sure what your partners take on abortions are. But you do need to put yourself first. And I also would tell him until you’re sure and what you want to do.

Thank you for this!!! I’m just so torn, I love my baby’s so much and that is what really is making it hard, I just wish the timing was different

he said he’s happy to do what ever I would like but is swaying more towards not keeping the baby as he knows how much it will be for me as he works full time

OP posts:

TheBlueUniform · 27/05/2025 09:10

No of course you’re not terrible for thinking abortion is the right choice for you. You’re right to think of the children you currently have and the impact it could have on them. That’s the responsible thing to do so definitely don’t be guilt tripped in to feeling bad.

You do what it’s right for you and your family whatever you decide and sod everyone else’s opinions

Good luck

selfesteemsearcher · 27/05/2025 09:12

I would say imo, if you even have to ask, due to being even a part of you both that wants the baby, do not have an abortion 🤍had a similar situation and it’s something I think about a lot. I will say, in the scenarios when you have other young children, I always think, you will never ever look at that child when born and think ‘I wish I hadn’t had you’ but for sure I feel (for me personally) I look at my current children and feel I wish I had, had that baby 🤍

VivaVivaa · 27/05/2025 22:47

I think the first few years would have a very high potential of being a total sh*t show. A 2.5 yo, a 1yo and a newborn sounds hell. To be honest a 4.5yo, 3yo and a 2yo also sounds hell, maybe even worse than the first situation. I think until they are all school aged life would be very hard.

It may pay off long term though, especially if you were always sure you wanted 3.

Original poster

TheSillyCat · 28/05/2025 08:35

TheBlueUniform · 27/05/2025 09:10

No of course you’re not terrible for thinking abortion is the right choice for you. You’re right to think of the children you currently have and the impact it could have on them. That’s the responsible thing to do so definitely don’t be guilt tripped in to feeling bad.

You do what it’s right for you and your family whatever you decide and sod everyone else’s opinions

Good luck

Thank you so much for this!!!!!!

OP posts:

Texelspreadsheet · 28/05/2025 08:45

You’ve always wanted three and your youngest isn’t really tiny… I’d go for it OP. Similar happened to me and my DC played together so well being close in age. Honestly in some ways it’s easier than a bigger age gap (which I also have) because the DC are all at the same stage at the same time. It’s definitely intense when they’re all little, I get it.

londongirl12 · 28/05/2025 08:49

TheSillyCat · 27/05/2025 09:03

Thank you for the reply!
My partner is swaying more to not keep the baby, but has said he’s happy to go with whatever choice I make bless him!
Yeah, we could manage in the house I’d say for a year or two because we could have a cut in our bedroom for the new baby, but obviously that’s not ideal long-term
And no, no grandparents, no help which really sucks at times and would make this whole decision a lot easier if we did :( x

Show quote history

That you have no help at all would push me to have an abortion. If your youngest would be 10/11 months when this baby is born, that child might not be walking. You’d be juggling so many plates all at once. Could you give the time the children deserve?
sorry, just my opinion. Xx

Calmdownpeople · 28/05/2025 09:02

TheSillyCat · 27/05/2025 09:06

Thank you for this!!! I’m just so torn, I love my baby’s so much and that is what really is making it hard, I just wish the timing was different

he said he’s happy to do what ever I would like but is swaying more towards not keeping the baby as he knows how much it will be for me as he works full time

Show quote history

It really is how you feel and what you want to do so not sure anyone can really help here.

The only thing I would say is that if you have had fertility issues and want three kids and already have two it may not be so easy to have the third later. Just something to think about.

And hey people have triplets without help so it is doable.

My personal view (and appreciate this isn’t for everyone) is that sometimes things happen in life when we least expect it but they happen for a reason….good luck.

DorothyStorm · 28/05/2025 09:08

Texelspreadsheet · 28/05/2025 08:45

You’ve always wanted three and your youngest isn’t really tiny… I’d go for it OP. Similar happened to me and my DC played together so well being close in age. Honestly in some ways it’s easier than a bigger age gap (which I also have) because the DC are all at the same stage at the same time. It’s definitely intense when they’re all little, I get it.

Id say this too. You find ways to cope and that closeness on age makes some things easier. Ive a close age gap and they did a lot of the same activities.

with fertility issues and a desire for three, id roll with it. Especial’y since you said you are torn.

Superscientist · 28/05/2025 09:16

I think rarely is the decision to terminate an easy one. It's a complicated set of emotions and practicality.
It is ok to consider terminating this pregnancy, it's ok to consider keeping this pregnancy you have valid concerns about 3 under 2 but at the same time you did want 3 and you have had trouble with fertility in the past. I could provide you with an explanation as to why it's both the right thing to keep and terminate the pregnancy but it's not me that will have two babies and a toddler and it's not me that we have to live with the what ifs.

I think maybe some counselling would be helpful for you. Someone you can talk through your fears and hopes around each situation.

caffelattetogo · 28/05/2025 11:37

If you have any kind of fertility issues I would not abort. You are at your most fertile straight after pregnancy and may not be able to conceive again. The timing may not be ideal but it never is - there’s always a way.