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Original poster

Child maintenance and summer incoming

34 replies

Nic2300 · 25/05/2025 20:38

I have 2 children with my ex partner who I pay child maintenance too as I only have my children 2 nights a week atm. She has send me a schedule & bills that would be expected for summer schemes and sports activities for the summer for the children. These activities fall on one day. but she’s sent these as if I’m expected to pay for the whole week for the summer (pay 50/50 with her )I don’t want arguments but I don’t no how to respond without being called a deadbeat

OP posts:
Mrsttcno1 · 25/05/2025 20:41

Are the kids not 50% yours? Does she not need them in those clubs so that she can actually have a job? If so, unless you’re offering to do all of the childcare instead of the clubs, send her the money she is asking for and thank her for doing the vast majority of care for your kids :)

Sheepsheeps · 25/05/2025 20:43

The activities fall on one day only? Sorry I don't quite understand your post and how many days the activities fall on throughout the summer.
Are the activities required so that you can both still work i.e summer clubs?
I personally believe that any extra curricular activities should always be discussed before booking so that both parents can decide if they are affordable otherwise whoever has booked them would then need to pick up the tab if the other parent couldn't afford it.

AnonWho23 · 25/05/2025 20:46

Are your kids only your responsibility on your days? Do you think CM covers their cost? Do you want to have them more than. 2 nights a week?

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Snorlaxo · 25/05/2025 20:47

Is she sending them for whole weeks or one day a week?

Dinosaurshoebox · 25/05/2025 20:50

If you require the childcare on your days you pay for that.

The rest you are not obligated to pay.
You don't have to pay above CMS.

DurinsBane · 25/05/2025 20:51

Mrsttcno1 · 25/05/2025 20:41

Are the kids not 50% yours? Does she not need them in those clubs so that she can actually have a job? If so, unless you’re offering to do all of the childcare instead of the clubs, send her the money she is asking for and thank her for doing the vast majority of care for your kids :)

MN is usually very quick to point out that childcare costs to enable the parent to work on their with child days is not the responsibility of the other parent when separated.

Original poster
Nic2300 · 25/05/2025 20:53

Sheepsheeps · 25/05/2025 20:43

The activities fall on one day only? Sorry I don't quite understand your post and how many days the activities fall on throughout the summer.
Are the activities required so that you can both still work i.e summer clubs?
I personally believe that any extra curricular activities should always be discussed before booking so that both parents can decide if they are affordable otherwise whoever has booked them would then need to pick up the tab if the other parent couldn't afford it.

On the schedules it has Monday - Thursday each week. They would be attending on the Wednesday although I don’t need them too go but if there going to be doing the clubs I would prefer it so they don’t miss out a day - she does not work and I do but night time so don’t need them in clubs during the days

OP posts:
Original poster
Nic2300 · 25/05/2025 20:55

Snorlaxo · 25/05/2025 20:47

Is she sending them for whole weeks or one day a week?

It’s Mon-Thursday from July to middle of August

OP posts:
Original poster
Nic2300 · 25/05/2025 20:56

Mrsttcno1 · 25/05/2025 20:41

Are the kids not 50% yours? Does she not need them in those clubs so that she can actually have a job? If so, unless you’re offering to do all of the childcare instead of the clubs, send her the money she is asking for and thank her for doing the vast majority of care for your kids :)

Obv they are mine but atm I have them 2 days. And she does not work

OP posts:
Dinosaurshoebox · 25/05/2025 20:56

I'd simply reply.
I didn't agree to these and will not be paying. I'm happy to keep them on my day and not use tge services you're paying for.
In future let me know before you book

Original poster
Nic2300 · 25/05/2025 20:57

AnonWho23 · 25/05/2025 20:46

Are your kids only your responsibility on your days? Do you think CM covers their cost? Do you want to have them more than. 2 nights a week?

I did have them 50/50 last year but she is on maternity leave now and reduced my days to 2 nights a week after a long story I have offered her the 50/50 3 times from January

OP posts:
AnonWho23 · 25/05/2025 21:10

They go Monday to Thursday and she's asking you to pay 1/2 the cost. I don't think shed being unreasonable. The children are being entertained and doing activities. Is there a reason you don't want to ay for your children to engage in extra curricular activities? Is it causing you financial hardship? I can understand you having an issue if you genuinely can't afford the extra costs and are offering to have the kids on those days instead but not because you pay CM and its not your day. Legally you don't have to pay it but morally you absolutely should.

FYI, what she does with her day isn't any of your business. Also, if you want more contact go to court and try to get it. Don't be passive.

Sheepsheeps · 25/05/2025 21:11

Nic2300 · 25/05/2025 20:53

On the schedules it has Monday - Thursday each week. They would be attending on the Wednesday although I don’t need them too go but if there going to be doing the clubs I would prefer it so they don’t miss out a day - she does not work and I do but night time so don’t need them in clubs during the days

Show quote history

If she doesn't work, why is she sending them to.cluns for the whole.of the summer holidays? Is it a hobby that they both do regularly and don't want to miss?
In this situation you're not obligated to pay anything other than your CMS contribution, however, be prepared for others to come along and call you a dick for not paying for/contributing to it..... I expect your ex will also fall into this category too. It all depends on how you want to move forwards. Set the president now about how finances work above and beyond your CMS contributions.
In order to co-parent effectively BOTH parents need to communicate about finances related to the children and expectations for clubs/uniforms etc before booking or even telling the children. It is not fair for your ex to spend money on your children without discussing it with you first unless she is prepared to fit the bill if you cannot afford it or have something else planned for when they are in your care.

Original poster
Nic2300 · 25/05/2025 21:56

AnonWho23 · 25/05/2025 21:10

They go Monday to Thursday and she's asking you to pay 1/2 the cost. I don't think shed being unreasonable. The children are being entertained and doing activities. Is there a reason you don't want to ay for your children to engage in extra curricular activities? Is it causing you financial hardship? I can understand you having an issue if you genuinely can't afford the extra costs and are offering to have the kids on those days instead but not because you pay CM and its not your day. Legally you don't have to pay it but morally you absolutely should.

FYI, what she does with her day isn't any of your business. Also, if you want more contact go to court and try to get it. Don't be passive.

This isn’t the point I’m making. I pay her cm & then she’s expecting me to pay 50/50 for summer clubs when on my day I don’t need them to go I work at night so during the day it’s my time & don’t need them in the clubs on this day & I never stated anything that she does with her day I was asked if she worked and replied - And it was in court until she withdrew the morning off 👍

OP posts:
Original poster
Nic2300 · 25/05/2025 21:57

Sheepsheeps · 25/05/2025 21:11

If she doesn't work, why is she sending them to.cluns for the whole.of the summer holidays? Is it a hobby that they both do regularly and don't want to miss?
In this situation you're not obligated to pay anything other than your CMS contribution, however, be prepared for others to come along and call you a dick for not paying for/contributing to it..... I expect your ex will also fall into this category too. It all depends on how you want to move forwards. Set the president now about how finances work above and beyond your CMS contributions.
In order to co-parent effectively BOTH parents need to communicate about finances related to the children and expectations for clubs/uniforms etc before booking or even telling the children. It is not fair for your ex to spend money on your children without discussing it with you first unless she is prepared to fit the bill if you cannot afford it or have something else planned for when they are in your care.

Show quote history

I’m unsure off this she is on maternity leave so maybe this is why , but it isn’t regular clubs they have done before Thanks so much for your answer

OP posts:
roseymoira · 25/05/2025 22:01

How disingenuous! Saying she doesn’t work when she’s on maternity leave.

Do your children want to go to the clubs?

arethereanyleftatall · 25/05/2025 22:05

so.
you normally have your children on a wednesday. (And presumably one other day that isn’t Mon-thur)
she’s booked them in a club Mon-thur
you don’t need them to be in a club on weds
shes asked you to pay half after she’s booked it

is that right?

if so, then that’s not fair on you at all

ZebraPrintt · 25/05/2025 22:13

You pay CMS you don't NEED to pay anything more than this. If you haven't agreed to it then I don't see why you should pay. Where does it end? If she organises something then surely it's her responsibility to pay. Unless i have it totally wrong

Helpmeplease2025 · 25/05/2025 22:29

You don’t have to pay any of it. Just say you don’t need it on your days, so won’t be contributing.

Mrsttcno1 · 26/05/2025 09:16

ZebraPrintt · 25/05/2025 22:13

You pay CMS you don't NEED to pay anything more than this. If you haven't agreed to it then I don't see why you should pay. Where does it end? If she organises something then surely it's her responsibility to pay. Unless i have it totally wrong

CMS is literally the bare minimum a parent HAS to pay, legally. It’s not enough to actually raise a child, nobody should be applauded for literally only doing the minimum they have to for their own kids

Ihatelittlefriendsusan · 26/05/2025 09:21

Well qe already have you lying as she is on maternity leave so clear does work. Therefore not sure we can trust you foe the rest.

If you work night you should be sleeping in the day ao who will be supervising the children whilst you sleep?

More holes that'll a collinder here.

rulerofthepencils · 26/05/2025 09:26

Bottom line, do your children want to do these clubs? If yes then I would pay half, she isn't asking you to pay all of it. It could be that without your 50% they cannot do the clubs.

If she is on maternity leave then juggling all children will be a lot as she is recovering from growing a human inside her and has a demanding young baby to tend to as well.

CMS is the bare minimum. Lots of decent parents split the cost of things like uniforms, school trips and holiday clubs. They are your children what do you want for them?

HopscotchBanana · 26/05/2025 09:33

People are being really obtuse.

She's not working, she's at home on maternity leave. It's just tedious to pretend she needs childcare on days she's at literally on leave at home...with a child!

Just because it suits her and her new partner for your children to be out of the house while she/they sit at home with their new joint baby, doesn't mean you have to pay for that. Especially when she's refusing you 50/50.

Take her back to court. Cheeky fuckers, the pair of them.

Elektra1 · 26/05/2025 11:57

Why do they need to go to clubs Mon-Thurs if she doesn’t work? Are these clubs that they want to do, or clubs of the sort organised for the convenience of parents who have to work?

LeedsZebra90 · 26/05/2025 12:09

A few things for me on this..

  1. If I only had them 2 days a week I would not want them in clubs on one of those days.
  2. For me whether I would pay half would depend on whether it was for childcare purposes or for their own enjoyment/development. If childcare on their other parents days i wouldn't pay unless they were really struggling with costs. But if it's something they are doing to enjoy then I'd pay half.