Its been going on since the kids became toddlers and now they are getting older I can see the teenage years being just as stressful. I love my husband, but he does have a short fuse and can be grumpy at times but also very hands-on, funny, and caring. He feels he does not get enough respect as a father and I worry I am to blame for that. He has a more authoritarian idea of parenting and says kids should fear their parents a little for discipline. I do not want fear in my home. The main issue I have is his shouting as it makes me very uncomfortable and I think its maybe triggering my past as my mother shouted at me a lot. I have shouted as well I'm not always calm, but I try to be a patient as I can and the main thing I want is the kids to feel loved. I think that may be an issue with myself (and my past with childhood neglect) as I do hate to see them upset and always am trying to keep the peace. I do things I know I shouldn't like let them eat dinner in their rooms if they are in the middle of a video game etc - maybe I can be a bit lazy and just want an easy life - so yeah I do spoil them sometimes. At the weekends I might stay up a little later with one as we are watching a movie in bed, cuddling and that would stress him out as its past the designated bed time - whereas I see us making memories having fun. My middle is very challenging with autism and adhd, and homelife can be so stressful. I have said to him if he was less angry I wouldn't find it so hard. He gets very upset that I don't follow the 'rules' he believes the house should run but a lot of these make us unhappy so I break them... He says I let them walk over me and 'pander ' to them when they act up - whereas I see it I am letting them have their tantrum or moment and then we talk after. He doesn't see that shouting at an already angry and upset child just doesn't work. He says he can't help it - his temper and frustration just builds up. I can't decide if I am the one that needs to change but know I don not agree with many things he does. If hes shouted at the kids I can barely look at him, I feel defensive for the kids but at the same time helpless as he does not see it as that bad. I hope this makes sense. sometimes I feel like a terrible mother and he would be better off with a more organized, stricter and disciplined person who would be on his wavelength.