My son dad an alcoholic.

[P0p]

So we both split for two months ago and then he wanted to make a go of it again but this time he said he would get a hold of his drinking as he didn’t want our nearly two year old to see him passed out as he gets older and he wants to be a good role model. So I thought maybe he would change, a month gone by and he’s still drinking every weekend we’ve been down here and he doesn’t drink in the week said he has one drink but he thinks he’s stressed so he drink when he knows we coming down and yesterday he had ago at me because he finds it offensive I won’t leave our son with him on his own as I’ve told him i can’t as I’m worried something would happen especially because his dad has health problems and a drinking problem. He wants us to move back but I’m so depressed and our two year old is so mardy when we here like he was when we lived here and I can’t cope with it. After two years he’s only just wanting to be in our son life and from the day he was born till now all he’s done is pick drink over his son. My on and off partner also has to sleep in the day when sober just because he has sleep apnea too and sometimes he doesn’t sleep at night due to stopping breathing and we can’t even go out anywhere as a family without him wanting to go home or gets aggravated with people or he just gets drunk! His money going up and I just know he will spend most of that on more vodka only time he not drink is if we don’t have money for vodka so he has no choice but to not drink it but once it’s payday and he has a bit of money it goes on drink. I’m really sad that I’ve come back and nothing changed whatsoever! I’m full of guilt and I feel stuck what can I do now? Because this needs to be it for me and my son.

Oh dont make that mistake again by going back to him...just take your son and face your life , i know its not easy but you can stand for yourself ..if you need anyone to talk to, im just a message away

I’m so sorry but he’s not going to change, no matter what he telling you.

He has had 2 years and 9 months to sort this out and have yet. How long are you willing to put up with the lying and the abuse?

Has he even seen his GP or attend an AA meeting?

I think you need to prioritise you and your DS before this man drags you both down further.

Suggest that you both start using a shared parenting app to communicate about your DS, sell it to him that it’s a positive thing to do as he’ll learn more about his DS.

Then change the locks and apply for CMS.

It’s all written on the doctors and he’s attended the AA a couple of times but he says it’s not for him and it’s a useless system I really thought he would have wanted to change but he clearly hasn’t. He was saying he be taking me to court this time round and that he will get full custody and when our son 18 he’s gonna find him and make him hate me, he was saying this morning that he always feel like when something good happens that something will go wrong so he enable it to happen he’s not a positive outgoing person and he thinks that’s how his son should be. I wouldn’t mind if I kept away our son just to be malicious towards but it’s because I can’t trust him as much as he says he not drink he would. And we could do with support because it’s clearly not working x

I was actually having an hold on my happiness before I came back and now I regret believing his words because he’s all words no action. And thankyou so much because I feel really alone in this situation I have my friends and family that support me but I still feel alone

He won’t change he doesn’t think what he’s doing is a problem and he’s just threatening you. Get a record of everything, any evidence you can of his drinking and speak to a solicitor. Them you leave with your child and you don’t go back. If he wants to take you to court he can and you can explain how he’s an unfit parent.

He's not willing to stop. Addicts have to be fully dedicated to abstinence and he isn't even trying.

You must cut ties with him. If he can prove he's not drinking with testing then maybe in time he can have the child alone.but for now you need to distance yourself from him and split up.

You talk about your on/off partner with sleep apnea, presuming this is a different person?
If so then he should get a CPAP machine or oxygen machine to help him sleep. Has he spoken to his GP about it?
That way he won't need to keep napping in the daytime as much.

I'm sorry you're dealing with this and wish you and your child well x

It’s the same guy he’s has sleep apnea and a drinking addiction and he’s been offered the machine but won’t take it because he says it looks too uncomfortable and that he wouldn’t be to sleep init

X

He really doesn’t see what he’s doing a problem at all I’ve tried explaining so many times about his behaviour and how I feel but he blames it because he’s stressed or fed up ect. and he’s always saying he take me to court and I have logged quite a lot down since last September, and even said last night that even if he had to lie and add things on that arnte true he would do it in court so he got full custody.

So are you living together @P0p?

And have you spoken to the National Domestic Abuse Helpline? If you’re in England or Wales the number is in the link. If you’re elsewhere we might be able to help with getting you a number or a chat service.

None of this is your fault, even if he says it is. This is Domestic Abuse

no I’m back at my mums been there since before Christmas and I have been advised when I spoken to a solicitor to contact for domestic because he said it not just physical can be mentally and verbally and that’s what he’s like too he didn’t like me seeing my family or friends and if I did see my family he always and like he did yesterday say that the only family I need and have is him and our little boy he also doesn’t like me telling my family about him but they’ve seen it with they own eyes and they’ve been telling I need to leave

My ds' dad is a functioning alcoholic too. He hid it very well until after ds was born, then dropped his guard.

We lived together and it became obvious. Evenings out, he would drink so much, I wasn't able to wake him after I drove us home, and had to leave him in the car. He could have frozen to death some nights.

I could not leave ds in his care because I never knew if he was sober enough to drive. I couldn't trust him and I didn't want ds growing up thinking that level of drinking was ok so we left when ds was 2. I've never regretted it.

DS still sees his dad. Now 16, ds refuses to touch alcohol, although if we go out to dinner I offer him a glass of wine or cider or beer. I don't want it to have forbidden glamour. He won't touch any alcohol, so I assume at some point, he has seen the disgusting state his dad gets in.

You need to leave OP, and stay away. Don't waste your life or risk that of your child.

And incidentally, no court would give him full custody. With such poor health, he could never be trusted to care for a small child.

It sounds as though you’re been through a lot with him.

No man who loved you would keep you away from family and friends. They also wouldn’t threaten you with taking your DS away or turning them against you.

Does he make any of these threats by text or email?

You do need to report him to the Police. Your Solicitor is right. This is Domestic Abuse.

He's an abuser and he's abusing you.

If you need help reporting him to the Police ring Womansaid.

They can also help you to apply for a
Non-Molestation Order. This will keep him away from you both but hopefully show the Courts that he’s not a fit parent.

Once you have reported him and have a non-mol, you can hopefully see how badly you both have been treated and start building a better life for you both.

Does your HV know about the situation you’re both in? She might be able to offer some support

I'm going through same situation as u but I don't have a child with the alcoholic so I'm ok that way prayers