Daughter’s energy so different to mine

[real13]

I have 2 girls. My eldest is 8.

Obviously I love her to bits. We have the same sense of humour and she makes me laugh all the time.

The issue is that she’s EXTREMELY extroverted, whereas I’m quite introverted. She talks non stop and it drains me. I find when we spend 20-30 minutes together, I feel desperate to get away from her.

It’s not even that she’s doing anything wrong. It is literally just her ‘energy’. This sounds awful, but if I meet someone in work with this same energy, I do my absolute best to stay away because I find it exhausting.

I know she can sense when I want to get away because I can see she tries harder to make me laugh etc. I feel awful, but how do I stop feeling like I desperately want to get away when she naturally drains me?

I find it easier if we’re out and about or playing in the garden, but when we are indoors and playing games etc, I just want to get away.

Your poor little girl. She's trying to connect with you and engage and can tell you are hating every second. That's pretty damaging and you need to get a handle on it.

@Springadorableand that’s why I’m writing here and asking for advice.

I can't really think of anything other than to try to encourage her to engage with her sister more. I used to do "me" time with my kids. I had 3 and used to take it in turns to sit in their room and chat, engage, play games, whatever so they had some one on one time.

It's very very difficult being an introvert in a world thats designed by, and for, extraverts.

They genuinely don't get how much being with people drains us.

Can I suggest a few sessions of therapy OP? I think you need to get curious about where your strong reaction is coming from, rather than just accepting it.

Can you think about things in time blocks? I find that helpful, more so when mine were a bit younger. Put whatever distraction aside, play with her or talk to her properly for say 20-30 minutes. Then say you carry on or you go play now, I'm going to do x then later we'll do y.. I find having a visual prop helpful, like put the washing away, or mine do let me read. So she's had some proper connection and then you've had some down time. Mine do now respect when I say I need a break. Mostly! They're 10 & 8.

I also find being direct and open and honest helps.

for example, when I got the "look mummy, look mummy, look look look, i can do a roly poly mummy look mummy look roly poly mummy look" comments. I'd say after the squillionth time - "darling thats very clever of you, but it's only interesting the first time you do it"

Another good idea.

Tough one, it must be hard to live with someone with such an uncomplementary personality style - even someone you love so much!

I think there's two strands to it: one is you sucking it up a little bit, for want of a better term, and trying to meet her where she is - especially because you don't want her to feel like it's bad that she's naturally extroverted. And the other side of it is teaching her the very useful life skill of reading the room and knowing that she can't always draw her energy from being around others and to be self sufficient - so redirecting her sometimes to games she does alone, teaching her the importance of turn taking in conversation, setting out times when you're having some chill time and she should keep herself entertained.

My six year old is like this he's on full from the minute he wakes up, I'm pretty extroverted but even I find it tiring sometimes. Something we do together that he likes is reading, not just the day to day I read to him/he reads to me, we read together in the same space but alone. So this afternoon it was sunny and we'd had a busy morning/early afternoon and DH was at work so we got a picnic blanket and some big cushions and our books and went to lay out in the garden, he read his book I read mine, so we're together but it's restful. We do it in the winter too on the sofa with a blanket and the fire lit. Sometimes he'll lean against me sometimes we're opposite ends of the sofa. It's nice.

I also agree with this. Yes darling that Lego monkey storage device you've built is fantastic, well done, now go and play with it while I do xyz, yes sweetheart I've seen it off you pop.

I think you do need to find common ground, especially if you can find a quieter or introspective sort of activity.

I find the extrovert / introvert sort of approach too simplistic but I will say my four year old rarely shuts up! It’s very easy to squash a child though, even if they don’t appear to be squashed I think ‘that’s only interesting the first time’ is a bit cutting, although I do get it’s exhausting.

I’ve done a paint a pot activity with DS and we’ve also gone on pony rides - it’s nice when you’ve something to talk about and not endless streams of witter.

DS was ill a few years ago and I was desperate to hear his little voice so I try to remember that too!

Can you perhaps sit down and watch a film together 2-3 times a week @real13 ? Or play a board game or a video game? She may be high energy, but you can't just ignore her/push her off on her own when she wants to interact with you.... Where is her dad? Does he do much with her?