Are these standards reasonable for child coparenting

[Felishi]

I have a 5 year old daughter, of which I separated from her dad 3 years ago. When we originally split he would have her 3 nights out of 14 and time during the week too. This was reduced when he wasn't coping to having her every other weekend. However, I have previously encouraged visits during the week after school etc. of which happened a couple times and unless arranged by me never happen.
After we split he moved in with his dad and is living out of his living room, my daughter at age 5 still sleeps in a toddler bed. When staying at her dad's he doesn't bath her unless reminded and despite being asked never washes her hair or brushes it. She doesn't brush her teeth either. I have written numerous letters highlighting her care needs, including having to remind him in the winter months about the need for vests, jumpers and coats. I have given him opportunity to change, but it is seeming these are ignored.
Where do I stand in this? My Child is being neglected in his care. Having previously discussed this with someone they suggested that her living conditions would be adequate do to her only staying there 2 out of 14 days, despite the bed being too small for her?

Not having her hair washed 2 days out of 14 doesn’t matter. Nor does not having a bath. I don’t have a bath every day, nor do I wash my hair every day.

teeth brushing does matter, but assuming that 2 nights means it’s only 1 full day you don’t see her for and assuming you brush her teeth before she goes and when she comes back it’s only 1 day out of 14 without brushing them so that would not be the hill I would be prepared to die on.

how big is she? Is the bed too small? She should have an adequate bed.

I'm currently going through a similar thing with my ex. Although he has also done some downright dangerous stuff as well.

My solicitor has told me things like hair brushing, teeth brushing, baths etc are considered a difference in parenting standards by the court.

It's very frustrating, but, unfortunately there's not a lot you can do about it.

I would email rather than write to him in future though, so you have a copy of everything. And start teaching dd how to brush her teeth and hair by herself and give her the tools to do everything she needs.

Yes she's being neglected. The teeth brushing cinches it for me - that's a twice a day, every day job. Hair washing etc can be more of a matter of opinion, and the bed might be fine depending on her size. No idea what you can do about it but you're right to be worried.

Unfortunately it would be deemed as 'good enough' and that's what they set as a standard. My ex did all sorts of bizarre things when ds (now 23) was small, but in one way the court definitely sided with me as the final court order kept any contact to short periods of time, so whilst his parenting skills were a complete disaster ds grew up knowing it was time limited and by 15/16 just didn't bother going anymore. If you have genuine concerns that his lack of parenting is actually putting your dd at risk or is a safeguarding concern, then take it back to court, but do be aware unfortunately judges will award more contact and send your ex on a parenting course or similar.

He has her from 5pm Friday to 5pm Sunday. Of which she has been at school and therefore requires bathing. She also has really curly hair of which mattes easily whilst being at school and therefore would require washing. But the fact is he doesn't even brush it. Due to the timings she misses brushing her teeth on 4 occassions. She only has 10cm leeway in her bed.

I think there's a mixture here of you having justifiable and non justifiable concerns.

Bathing and hair really doesn't matter IMO. It's not good for them to bathe or wash hair daily though I'd personally aim for 2-3 times a week.

Teeth are important and hair should be brushed, but she's off an age where she should be starting to manage some of that herself.

Bed, it depends. My child's is older and has a toddler bed as she's small. My other child was in a single by 3. They rarely lie straight out so it probably issue a critical issue yet.