It sounds like you're going through a really tough time, and it's completely understandable to feel. Dealing with constant tantrums and early mornings is exhausting, especially when you're trying to navigate potty training. You're doing a great job by reminding yourself that they're not doing it on purpose and that their brains are still developing. That's a crucial perspective to hold onto. That's what I do.
Potty Training Challenges and Tips
It's common for children to have preferences, like your 3.5-year-old only wanting to use the potty upstairs. It might be a comfort thing, or she might feel more secure there.
While it's frustrating, try to stick to a consistent approach. If the potty upstairs is her preference, you might consider having a second potty downstairs if space allows, or making the trip upstairs a consistent routine when she needs to go.
Small rewards for using the potty, even just stickers or a special song, can be very motivating.
My kids a sticker chart where they get a sticker for every successful potty trip, and after a certain number of stickers, they get a small toy or a fun activity.
I used youtube There are many helpful videos. Searching for "potty training songs for toddlers" or "potty training tips for parents" can bring up some good resources. Channels like "Blippi" or "Cocomelon" often have potty-themed episodes that can make it helpful.
Is it too cold downstairs?
Sometimes children can be sensitive to temperature, and if a room is too chilly, they might be reluctant to use the potty there. Also, consider if there's anything else about the downstairs toilet that might be intimidating for her?
Maybe you just need to understand why toddlers often tantrum is it because they're tired, hungry, overwhelmed, or struggling to communicate their feelings. A 3.5-year-old has strong opinions and is still developing emotional regulation. Hitting is a sign of extreme frustration, and it's not a reflection of your parenting.
What's the daily routine like and food?
When she hits you, calmly I usually say but firmly state, no hitting. Hitting hurts Then, you can gently hold her hands or move away for a moment. This teaches her that hitting is not an effective way to get what she wants. In sure you do this anyway but this just what helps me. Might not help you.
Do you have any help, perhaps family or friends, who could watch the children for a few hours so you can have a day off to relax? Even a short break can make a huge difference to your mental health.
Foods like blueberries, raspberries, spinach, and nuts is great for their overall development and can support their concentration, which is helpful for learning potty
Have you thought about nursery?
What is there routine and food at the moment?