Extreme anxiety after bringing baby home from NICU

[Hannah2025]

Hi everyone,

2 weeks ago I had my baby via cat 3 emergency c section. I went in for reduced movement on the Friday and was admitted to hospital after I went back to triage for a 2nd time that day as I just had a gut feeling something was wrong. They kept me in for monitoring, but no one seemed too concerned.

Anyway, baby ended up getting delivered at 37w via emergency c section due to the fact his heart rate was soaring for short bursts of time and I was contracting every few mins.

My section was amazing, but as soon as I gave birth they realised he was very poorly. He had the cord round his neck and his oxygen levels were 88% (found out after he was grunting). The best moment of my life turned into the worst after he got rushed off to NICU.

He spent 10 days in NICU and I can honestly say it was the most challenging, awful time of my entire life. Seeing him on CPAP and his oxygen levels desaturating absolutely broke me.

I really thought bringing him home would be the best time of my life, and in a way it is. But my anxiety is absolutely through the roof. I’ve never felt anxiety and worry like it. I can’t bare my husband handling things like sterilising bottles as I’m terrified he’ll do it wrong. I feel like I need my baby next to me at all times and the thought of not being with him is terrifying to me. I also am crying whilst writing this, but I cannot stand our lovely pet cat at the moment because I am so scared he will jump in the bassinet or walk on the baby’s playmat etc. The whole situation around germs and sterilising is making me a mess especially because he’s so vulnerable.

Has anyone else experienced this and how do you overcome it? I want to fully enjoy my beautiful boy being home with us, but I feel traumatised from the birth experience and overwhelming anxiety.

When I had my eldest DD it was Covid and I didn’t cope well. I ended up very depressed, sure I couldn’t care for her properly and wanting to kill myself. (This is different to your anxiety, I realise). I spoke to the health visitors, who asked me to self refer to the mental health team. I then had group therapy.

Side note: I chose group therapy rather than individual as I thought I would get a chance to meet other local mums in similar positions, but actually it was via zoom and they were all scattered about.

Anyway, going through the process really helped me feel in control again, so I suggest finding out how to refer yourself to mental health services in your area, just explain what you’ve said here. If that’s too much talk to your Health Visitor they will know what to do.

I felt like this when DD came out of SCBU; a helpful chat with the neonatal helped and put my worries into perspective- some of it along the lines of if my baby wasn’t strong enough to manage normal germs then we wouldn’t be home. We were cautious about her being held by too many different people and got people to wash their hands but I tried to bring logic into my anxiety as much as possible. Having a baby brings a lot of worries in itself then add in the trauma of SCBU and it sends your nervous system into over drive and seeing threat everywhere

I had a baby after a stillbirth and quite clearly went mad. I was obsessive that he was going to die too and couldn’t bear him being apart from me.

Then I added health anxiety to it just to make it better!

I really really wish I’d had therapy but it wasn’t such a thing 17 years ago.

So so much sympathy for you x

Hi OP, so glad to hear your DS is home now. What a scary experience. I went through something similar - DD1 had sepsis, spent two weeks in NICU needed things like a lumbar puncture and then the night we brought her home, she stopped breathing and had to go back in for another night.

I didn't deal with it very well and it led to very bad PND. Things I wish i had done is paid or sought out some one to one therapy (I just did some basic CBT group sessions through our NHS talking therapies referral) and i wish i had taken medication. My HV was amazing and came to see me every week then every fortnight but I was just a bit lost in the fog. She also referred me to some specialist baby groups for mums of prem / poorly babies / PND / PNA etc. That was good as it got me out of the house with a bit of structure. I would say please confide in your HV as my experience has been they are actually much better with difficult or traumatic births in comparison to a "standard" birth where i think mums can get forgotten in the system.

At the time owlet socks were quite new and very expensive - i think they've come down a bit in price now, so might be worth investing in one for your peace of mind or even getting a second hand one off FB marketplace/ vinted if money is tight.

What i will say is that it absolutely gets better. For a long time, i couldn't talk about our birth experience without breaking down into tears (I'd say for 9months really). DD1 is nearly 4y and I recently wrote a blog at work about our neonatal experience for the new neonatal care and pay rules, and I was so proud of myself that I was able to talk about it without getting upset. It is so fresh for you but you will get through this 💪💐

Sending you a big hug and support OP.

I’m so sorry to hear what you’ve been through. My eldest was in the NICU, I understand.

When we arrived home and a health visitor came, she noticed my son indicating he needed to feed, but I was very conscious of the time and gaps between feeds. She could tell we’d been to the NICU and commented that ‘you’ve been completely hospitalised.’ (In a kind way). She explained that the strict timings of feeds was for when he was ill, but now I could relax and feed on demand.

I definitely think my anxiety has been far higher than with my DD, where everything went so smoothly. My Mum commented that I barely put my son down for the first few months, she thought it was odd I wouldn’t put him in a bouncer etc. I was so pleased to be able to hold and cuddle him after not being able to pick him up initially in the NICU, or at all really without permission.

There are things I have struggled with more than I possibly would have done, eg if my son aged 3-4 ran off ahead with Nursery friends on the school run. It felt so stressful and out of my control him running off ahead of me. I don’t know if that links back to the stress of him being rushed off to the NICU. I’d given birth the day before, I couldn’t keep up, my DH had to push me in a wheelchair to keep up. So any type of chasing after him feels overly stressful if that makes sense.

You will get through this, things will settle down with time. Keep talking to those who care about you and others who understand the start you’ve had. Support is out there. Sending you and your family my very best wishes and solidarity.

Just to add to my comment above, were you given a neonatal outreach nurse? We had one that kept in touch for the first few weeks. Might be worth telling him / her how you are feeling as well as he / she might be able to refer you to places for support. You could also talk to Bliss who support the parents of babies that have been in NICU care.

My daughter was in neonatal, I had preeclampsia she was premature, very small and needed tube feeding.

When I first got home I felt similar. complete overwhelming constant anxiety, seeing danger everywhere. I basically felt terror and she just didn't feel safe. I rarely slept as I was on guard 24/7. For me personally I just had to ride it out and being honest, it wasn't until she was over a year I felt I could breathe. I think seeing her grow and over time she felt "sturdy" enough to be able to lessen the intensity of feeling she was so vulnerable.
Unfortunately she has a few delays and issues, (not birth related) so I think i would of felt "safer" quicker in a different circumstance if that makes sense?

Hi OP. I’ve experienced extreme post natal anxiety (although different reasons and different preoccupations). It’s taken me a few years to realise I was suffering from post-natal depression. But it took me way too long to do something about it which really damaged my relationship and took a lot of the joy out of the first couple of years with my kids. I could never be happy because I was so preoccupied. I did CBT and I’m on sertraline now and much better. The main thing to realise is that your brain chemistry has been affected and you’re not behaving rationally. But it WILL get better. I would see a GP as soon as you can xxx

Hi, another poster has mentioned it but do look into the Owlet sock. I found it soo helpful. DS was born very early and although I was pleased when he came home, the panic of him not being monitored like he was in hospital was constant in those early days! The sock gave me a lot of reassurance, especially as you can look on your phone and see that they are breathing well at any given moment.

I’m so sorry that you’re struggling @Hannah2025.

You mention birth trauma, it might be worth looking at Birth Trauma UK.

The Premature section on MN is usually quite helpful too.

For your extreme anxiety, I would talk to your Neonatal outreach Nurse if you have one or your HV.

Until you get the chance to speak to them, i would talk to the Pandas Foundation who can help you with this

Thanks so much everyone. I talked to my husband about this yesterday and think I’m going to reach out to my health visitor for some support, she is coming back on Tuesday. I have got the Owlet sock which has certainly helped at night. All of your lovely replies made me cry (again)! I relate a lot to the being ‘completely hospitalised’ comment as I was in hospital myself for an extended period of time (pre pregnancy, after birth and stayed in a room on the NICU ward for a couple of nights with my son) and feel like I became in such hospital survival mode that now I feel weird due to not having that safe bubble around me.

I appreciate all of the advice. Thank you so much ❤️

Oh op, I had no nicu and still felt a bit like you. I think it’s a really normal trauma response and just shows how much you love your baby. Short term, Can you get dh to show you him sterilising so you can see he does it correctly?
can anyone cat sit (issues with pets it’s SO common after you give birth, it will ease but may take a few months) or can you just keep the cat out of certain rooms?
The owlet sock is great, you can use it in the day too if it helps you, but try swap feet to give baby’s foot a rest.
re sterilising, remember it’s not long until they start putting everything in their mouth anyway and if you were breastfeeding you wouldn’t sterilise your boob!

speak to your gp about some therapy for birth trauma and just be kind to yourself, it’s such early days and you’ve both been through so much. It absolutely gets better