Baby only settles with me when breastfeeding

[MrsOptimism]

I have a 2 month old DD and she’s exclusively breastfed (tried introducing bottles but she doesn’t like formula or expressed milk from a bottle). I’m having trouble with her settling with me because as soon as she sits with me, she always wants to be fed, even if she’s not particularly hungry - I think it’s just out of habit/association/smell. If I hand her to her dad, she may fuss for a couple of minutes but eventually settles and lays on his chest or in his arms etc and drifts to sleep. I’d love it if she can just settle like that with me without crying for milk. Has anyone experienced and overcome this?

Your baby is so little, I would just feed on demand. Babies will feed for a range of reasons, hungry, thirsty for comfort etc.

I think this is very normal. Mum = milk to her, for food and comfort. It will change as she gets older. Mine fed less and less from 6 months as she took to food more and by twelve months it was only twice a day and I could comfort and settle her without her expecting a feed no problem. It's great that she can be settled by her dad too.

I agree, I’ve been feeding on demand but it’s just that’s she feeds a lot so once she’s fed and I’m empty, if she hasn’t fallen asleep from the feed, she will fuss with me like she wants to feed again whereas if I pass her to her dad, she’s completely content and drifts off to sleep. It doesn’t come across like she’s fussing with me because she’s not full (I’ve kind of picked up when she’s genuinely hungry) but it just seems like she’s with mum so she just associates me automatically to feeding. My health visitor said it’s because she can smell the milk on me so she’s always going to want to feed with me which is fine when she’s hasn’t just fed and I’m full of milk but difficult when I’m not

You’re her comfort. Feeding and suckling on the breast is very comforting for babies so they like to do it. That’s all it is. You can try and stop it, but it’s a very natural thing that she comforts herself in that way with you.

@MarioLink thanks, that makes sense. Maybe as she starts to eat food she may settle with me a little more
@SummerIceyeah, I love comforting her and her little eyes looking up at me when she feeds! It’s just more for the occasions when she’s going there expecting milk and it hasn’t really refilled yet she just gets very frustrated and crying but will settle with dad in that moment instead

I could never baby-wear for this reason, my baby could smell milk and just rooted continuously (and I had thrush and feeding was SO uncomfortable that I didn't want to be constantly doing tiny feeds!). My baby also had a tendency to scream at the end of feeds (especially when tired) that they wanted MORE MILK. If I kept feeding them at this point, it just led to baby vomiting large quantities on me, so I had to learn their full-stomach cues for them and put up with a howling baby at the end of every feed. Very embarrassing when everyone else's baby was milk-drunk and adorable at the end of a feed, and mine was a little goblin.
Anyway!

It will get better as they get older and become more aware of the world and interested in looking around. Similarly, you may find in the night that your DP can settle without feeding, but if you go to baby, only milk will do! You may also find they do longer and more efficient feeds soon (cluster feeding madness stops for all least a few weeks) from ~12 weeks, and then you can cuddle a full and contented baby.

@OtterMummy2024That’s exactly what I’m going through. Thanks for the reply, it just gives a reassurance that it will hopefully start to improve in a few weeks time. Fingers crossed!

It's part of the reason I could never co-sleep. I tried several times, at 2 months, 4 months and around 6 months again (basically every time he had a sleep regression of sorts). It would work great for 3 nights and by night no.4 it would all go wrong. On night 4 he would wake up and scream if my tshirt was on and he couldn't latch on immediately. By night 5/6 he was expecting to sleep with my nipple in his mouth. ALL NIGHT LONG. He just wants to use me as a dummy.

Personally I cannot sleep if someone is sucking on my nipple, however gentle 😂

Other co-sleeping mums told me I just need to be strict to put my tshirt down and not let him latch on. But he would just scream and scream and scream if I did that and wouldn't go back to sleep for ages.

So he's pretty much always slept in his crib. Since he was 6 months we decided that if he wakes before 3am, dad goes to settle him as we learned he is not hungry and settles great. This is very rare now at 9 months.

After 3am, I go in and feed him to sleep. He tends to wake anywhere between 3-5am for a little drink. Can't blame him, I get thirsty too lol.

I went through this too. Does she use a dummy? Do you have other family members you see often that can settle her? Or just dad? Maybe she just has a nice connection with him too and not necessarily that your milk is low at times?

@SunshineIdiot789lol fortunately she seems to co-sleep well. Although I’m also a light sleeping so I wake up to find her feeding throughout the night but she thankfully detaches and goes back to sleep once she’s done. I’m hoping to eventually get her to sleep in the next to me crib but she still refuses to settle in there for now!

@fruitloving2256We’ve tried 4 different types of dummies but she doesn’t seem to like any of them. She spits them right back out but to be honest, none of them a really anything like an actual nipple - they all seem quite big and I think she just doesn’t like the difference.
We moved out of London so although family members have held her, it’s difficult to tell if there’s any particular one that settles her as they haven’t don’t it regularly enough but she has fallen asleep quite easily (as she does with DH) with other people. Just two ago a couple of my work colleagues met her and she fell asleep with my boss as well

It's honestly really standard. Breastfeeding is a blessing AND a curse as it settles babies really easily but only mum can do it.

I have mum friends who stopped breastfeeding earlier than me and they did admit they found it immensely freeing but that night time settling, especially when teething, is difficult. Mine is 9 months and has 6 teeth and has never been awake more than 5-10 minutes even in the worst of it. Whereas my friends who switched to formula say they found teething much more difficult. Different babies play a part obviously too but I just wanted to encourage you, it's not all doom, breastfeeding can be a very powerful tool in all this. Sounds like you are doing brilliantly!

Oh and mine never took a dummy either. The midwife in hospital told us not to introduce one before 6 weeks to avoid nipple confusion (?). But then we read that if you wait until after 6 weeks it's impossible. Can't win.

@SunshineIdiot789Ooh that’s good to know. I’ve been worrying about the teething stage so hopefully the breastfeeding will go in my favour with my little diva lol
thanks so much for your supportive replies, it’s really made me feel better!