New Parent Struggle

[MommaBee1]

Me partner(m29) and I(f28) have a 6 month old son and our relationship is majorly stuggling. I know that this is common, however it’s really come to light how selfish my partner is and how little inconsideration for others he has. He gives me the impression that family life is a burden to him and he often brings up the fact that he doesn’t have a social life anymore (he still goes out pretty often). I tried explaining that it’s normal to have less of a social life after having a child and perhaps if he helped out more with the baby and around the house, I wouldn’t be so bothered when he wanted to go out for the night. There has been a real shift in feelings in the last couple of days and we are both at breaking point. I don’t see things getting any better as I don’t think he’ll change, but I’m also not really prepared to be a single mum with a 6 month old. I also feel like I would be failing my son if I gave up the relationship before my son is even a year old. Has anyone else been through this and what was the outcome?

When you discussed having a child and everything it involves together before having your child what was different for him that back then has been a surprise to him now? he would have wanted to be a father before you got pregant so what was he expecting?

Being a good dad and partner takes a lot more than just having sex, I think honestly a lot of men just do not fully appreciate beforehand how much life will change and the men who can’t accept those changes either end up like your partner- putting everything on mum and sulking, or they end up leaving completely.

You say you feel you’d be failing your son by ending the relationship but can I ask you honestly, how do you think your son will feel living with someone who finds him and his life to be a burden, who resents being a dad because it infringes on his personal time? Far worse, I promise you.

For reference my husband and I have a 13 month old, currently expecting our second baby, and yes we both have less free time, but that’s the deal when you have children, and we are both completely and utterly happy to spend the majority of our time as a family now- it’s a season, it isn’t forever. One day our kids will be grown and we’ll be selfish again but the time for that is not now. If your partner doesn’t realise or accept that then there’s nothing you can say or do to convince him.

Communicate your exact feelings here. If they aren’t listened to and you’re unable to feel good again, step away. I can assure you waiting for your child to be ‘older’ to leave is definitely not the way to go. I actually see it the other way, if a child is surrounded by negativity, the sooner that stops, the better 🤍 I know far too many people who have ‘stayed for the kids’, all that happens is by 1 the child is attached even more to the other, so the separation is delayed, then you feel like a awful person to take their other parent away they’ve known in the house for their life, so you stay even longer. So many couples I’ve seen split when their kids are primary, even secondary age because they stayed in unhappy relationships ‘for them’ and infact the kids then felt like their upbringing was abit of a lie and resented them more for not leaving and making a happy environment for them separately. Just something I’d consider too 🤍 life is farrrr too short to be unhappy or fulfilled in a relationship xx