Husband not really helping with newborn.

[Nikolite]

I gave birth 4 days ago to a beautiful baby boy. When I first found out I’m pregnant I wasn’t too happy as my husband didn’t really help me with our first son so I was dreading doing everything myself again. We’ve had countless conversations and he’s reassured me he will help out allot more this time.
our firstborn didn’t really react well to a new baby - he’s been playing up, rude to us, not listening. My husband is giving him silent treatment when our son behaves badly which i think is wrong. Last night we didn’t do night shifts with looking after newborn - I ended up doing the whole night with lack of sleep whereas my husband had over 6 hour stretch. Tonight when I asked him if we can change our shifts he was angry so I just left it. Also he keeps saying that I’m spoiling the baby by holding him in my arms many hours a day. Surely you can’t spoil the baby so young?
today he’s even threatened me with divorce.
I just feel very alone. And let down, I’ve been promised more help and I feel like I’m doing this by myself again as my husband just doesn’t cope very well with sleep deprivation. It’s hurtful as I’m still recovering after birth and I’m in pain but there’s no consideration from him.

Congratulations on your new bundle of joy!

I didn’t want to read and run. I’m so sorry you are experiencing this re little support, you should absolutely have more support especially since your are just 4 days PP.

Could you sit him down and remind him of the vows he made to you? Tell him you will not tolerate his disinvolvement, especially since your body is still healing. Is he on parental leave from work? If so, this highlights his selfishness even more because the only reason he is home is because he must help you with your newborn baby.

So sorry OP. You deserve so much better. He needs to be a proper active partner with you in early days with newborn. His attitude to child rearing is very worrying. When you are over pp, seriously consider the relationship. He is not doing enough well enough for you and your DC. Many congratulations on your lovely new baby. Have a lovely future with DC.

Tell him to carry on with the divorce what an absolute idiot. If you're doing night feeds yourself he needs to do mornings so that you can sleep. He gets angry you get angry too. He's abusing you because you have a newborn , on mat leave you're very vulnerable and he thinks you're stuck with him. I went through similar left him when the baby turned 2

So selfish! What is it with these men?😧

Your husband is a prize twat. He's jealous of the baby and resentful of the older child and behaving like a spoiled toddler. Silent treatment indeed... Sorry, but that kind of immature and selfish performance doesn't bode well for the future of the relationship.

I'm sad and angry on your behalf.

Do you have anyone else who could come and kick your H up the ass, and offer you some support?

No, you cannot spoil a baby this young. Be firm. Keep on doing what you're doing.

Call Womens Aid.
0808 2000 247

Threatening divorce, being angry, selfish, and resentful of your care amd attention to the baby, and treating the older child so badly are all highly abusive. You need help.

Don't try to minimise this. You're seeing the real man here, raw and unappealing. He's not behaving like this because of stress or tiredness. He's a nasty piece of work with many narcissistic traits.

He’s jealous.
The clue is the part about spoiling the baby. You can’t spoil a baby by cuddling it and showing it love.
Baby’s and children that grow up damaged, are never those that had ‘too much love’.

The threat of divorce in your PP period would be a red line for me though. You’ve said nothing that makes that sound like a normal reaction. I’d have told him to go then if that’s what he wants. Tell all his friends he divorced me because I cuddled the new baby and asked for help at night. It’s as pathetic as it sounds from his side.

Divorce the twat now. Don't waste your life with him. He won't change and the problems won't get better even as the kids get older. Congratulations on your baby xxx