Supervising other person's child

[SailingOnAWave]

Hi there

A girl who lives up the road from us (8 years old) regularly knocks on our door after school to see my daughter. The girl is very well behaved, polite and they get on well.

The girl needs supervising as she gets so excited about our pets and keeps opening the cage doors. I say everytime don't do that and explain why (windows/doors open) and she listens rest of day, but every visit it's like the knowledge is forgotten and she opens the cages again.

I have always struggled with surprise visits anyway, I really hate it when they happen and having to drop everything to accommodate.
I'm just getting a bit exhausted with the supervising and repetitive reminders, I just don't want to lose the pets! But on other hand the kids get on well and I don't want to destroy the friendship.

How do I strike a happy balance?

As soon as she knocks the door say remember do not open the cage doors to the animals

I'm sorry, but I wouldn't let her in. I'd tell her bluntly, 'No you can't come in to play, Sarah. You won't do as you are told. I keep telling you that you are not to open the pet cages and you do it every time, so you can't come round here anymore, I'm afraid'.

And then I'd shut the door. She's ignoring your instructions and she is a child in your home. I wouldn't tolerate it.

I think it's also the issue when she's here I just can't get on with things planned like dinner time goes out the window, and my daughter gets annoyed if I re-enforce the routine that she can't come in/she has to leave because we need to eat!

You need to speak to her mum and say that knocking on the door isn't working for you and you need to do pre-arranged play dates only from now on.

Thank you I appreciate the answers, it's helping me to see clearly.

OP asked how to manage it without destroying the friendship 😂

When I was that age(a long time ago) we were always in and out of each others houses and our friends would tell us the house rules. E.g some houses the fridge was a free for all, others you had to ask/be offered, shoes on/off, don't annoy the dog etc. The host child would tell us what was expected. Can you tell DD friend is welcome but she needs to make sure cages are opened?

You remember that you’re the adult and in charge.

You don’t have to say yes every time. Or any time.

Making it normal that sometimes it’s yes, stay for hours, sometimes it’s no, sometimes it’s only for 30 mins and sometimes it’s ok to play out in the garden but not inside / with animals.

Why would you tolerate this once let alone repeatedly.

You tell the mother she is not to knock on your door without a prior arrangement between the two mothers.

Mention that you have to repeatedly ask her not to meddle with the pets but she is wilfully disobedient each time.

A couple of visits a week is more than enough otherwise you won’t be able to do family stuff!