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Original poster

My mum had has just been to stay, she thinks I don't keep ds safe all the time. What do you think?

27 replies

beansmum · 20/05/2008 16:16

Mum commented on loads of things this weekend...

ds is nearly 4, and pretty sensible. Would you let a 4yo walk ahead of you on the pavement? And occasionally walk ahead, round a corner and out of sight for a second?

Would you sit a 4yo in the back seat of the bus, right in the middle? Mum reckons he could fall off and fly right down the aisle.

There were lots of other things as well, but I think she was totally wrong about them, just not sure about these two.

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Vivace · 20/05/2008 16:17

She's being a mad overprotective granny. I bet you did much more dangerous things when you were little.

dizzydixies · 20/05/2008 16:18

walking ahead absolutely fine is he has good road sense, my dd1 does but dd2 doesn't

middle of back of a bus, only a problem if an emergency stop which you can't predict

are you letting him run about with flaming torches and kitchen knives and bottles of bleach?!?

do you think she's just over compensating somhow?!?

cluckyagain · 20/05/2008 16:18

Hmm - yes to number 1, yes to number 2 and yes to number 3 but I would have hold onto them too - I am reknowned for being entirely sad like that though and my DH wouldn't think twice about it!!

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HaventSleptForAYear · 20/05/2008 16:18

She sounds like my DH...

He actually told me last night that I could go away to stay with my mum for 2 days as long as I brought the kids back "safe & sound".

He doesn't trust my mum with the kids.

I would deffo do both things you mention but according to DH am too laid-back.

LittleMyDancing · 20/05/2008 16:19

totally depends on the 4yo, imo. some can't be trusted in their own lounge, some are very responsible.

you know your own child best.

as for the bus thing.....on a normal seat if the bus braked sharply he'd bang his head smartly on the back of the seat in front. Don't know which is worse.

WanderingTrolley · 20/05/2008 16:20

Is your mother that shrieking mc woman Catherine Tate does?

A bit overprotective methinks. Does she see your ds often, or any other 4 year olds? Sounds ok to me.

NorthernLurker · 20/05/2008 16:20

my mum had several moans to me about this sort of thing with dd1. It came to a head one New Year when dh told them to back off as it was really upsetting me. They were furious with him and very indignant about it - but they did then shut up!

StarlightMcKenzie · 20/05/2008 16:21

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Miggsie · 20/05/2008 16:21

My 4 yo DD has good pavement/road sense NOW.
6 months ago, no, she was not to be trusted

BUT
if she gets over excited or distracted she then forgets he road traffic skills.

I make the judgement on how tired or silly she is at that point.

Our road is mega quiet so she is allowed to run ahead of me, on the pavement. She stops at the kerb and waits for me to cross into our drive.

meemar · 20/05/2008 16:22

I always do number one, and would probably do number two if we used buses.

She is being overprotective, my mum is a bit like this too.

tarantula · 20/05/2008 16:22

definitely all of them. dd was scooting ahead on her wooden bike at that age and also giving her granny heart failure. Dunno HOW my mum coped with 6 of us lol Guess its over protective granny genes kicking in. Take a deep breath and ignore.

StarlightMcKenzie · 20/05/2008 16:23

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ShowOfHands · 20/05/2008 16:25

My Dad does this. "Oh look ShowOfHands, dd has a pen in her hand, look a pen, ShowOfHands, a pen, over there, in her hand"

"Hmm has she?"

"What if she stabs herself in the eye with it?"

And on and on... This week it was "shall we take her toybox home with us and let her have it back in the future in case she shuts herself in it?" At what age is she allowed it back I wonder? 18?

He adores her and expresses it in his own special way.

bozza · 20/05/2008 16:25

Not really considered the bus thing as we don't often use them.

For the walking thing I let my DD (who was 4 last week) do that very thing yesterday. DD doesn't often do want to walk ahead but that is her choice. On our route to school we walk out of our cul-de-sac round the corner and up the hill to the main (ish) road. There is a line where the tarmac changes. She knows she is not to pass that line.

ShowOfHands · 20/05/2008 16:27

I'll be back later of course posting 'oh my God dd has locked herself in the toybox and it's so dark in there she's stabbed herself in the eye with an unattended biro". I have been warned.

LittleMyDancing · 20/05/2008 16:27

Yes, beware the unattended biro, ShowofHands! It's a killer!

edam · 20/05/2008 16:29

She's overprotective. I bet she didn't keep as close an eye on you as she thinks you should on your ds! However, I guess it stems from adoring granny stuff thinking her grandson is oh-so-adorable and precious.

Personally I'd keep ds away from the middle seat in case the bus driver had to slam on the brakes - only because I used to live in SE London and saw several bus crashes. Seem to have very dodgy drivers round there. Probably over-protective of me but anyone's assessment of risk is based on personal experience, not a cold hard analysis of the statistics.

Original poster

beansmum · 20/05/2008 16:30

See, I knew she was being silly, I do look after ds properly! It really annoys me when I start to question my own judgement.

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cornsilk · 20/05/2008 16:31

She sounds just like my mum. You have my sympathy.

dizzydixies · 20/05/2008 16:31

rofl @ showofhands

hellsbells76 · 20/05/2008 16:39

that's grannies for you. i swear my MIL lies awake at night thinking up ever more elaborate scenarios involving her PFGD's grisly death/dismemberment/maiming at the hands of feckless DIL (ie me). i just smile sweetly and let her obsess about it and occasionally point out i've managed to raise one kid to the age of 6 without any hideous accident befalling him so far, so DD(2) will probably be ok too.

Niecie · 20/05/2008 16:56

I don't think you are doing anything wrong. I have let my two (7.10 yrs and 4.8 yrs) run ahead of me or lag behind and I quite often see it in the street with other mothers. I am aware of where they are and they know not to disappear.

My dad sounds like your mother. He gets all worked up if I let mine out of the front door into the largish front garden without an adult. He seems to think they are going to run out of the gate into the road, although why they would do that I don't know. There is a a 4.5ft wall between the garden and the footpath and then a grass verge before the road. There are dozens of things they shouldn't do apparently, including run around.

Even DS1 is not allowed to plug things in in case he electrocutes himself - he knows how to do it and has been doing it at home for a couple of years though.

It is very tedious particularly as I think I am very good at seeing dangers myself and I have to fight with myself not to wrap them in cotton wool.

I think it might be an age thing. Older people start to feel more vulnerable themselves which I think makes them more aware of dangers. They also know that they are not so able to 'save' a child who can very quickly do something very stupid because they don't move or react as quickly as they used to.

madmuggle · 20/05/2008 18:59

The middle of the back seat of the bus, not without holding. I fact, there are a fair few drivers in my city who'd ask you to shift and make sure your child was sat in a sensible seat

Original poster

beansmum · 20/05/2008 19:47

I did have my arm around him and he was holding on to the arm rest, but I'll try and sit in a more sensible seat next time. I don't like the back of the bus anyway, it's all noisy and vibratey.

Although I'm not convinced bashing your head on the seat in front of you, or the skull of the person in front, is any better than falling onto the floor.

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spicemonster · 20/05/2008 19:51

I would say she's being an old fusspot on the walking but not on the bus middle back seat thing. Only because I was on a bus in that seat when heavily pregnant and someone pulled out in front of us, driver slammed on brakes and I managed to grab rails just in time, otherwise I would have been catapulted down the bus.

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