Intrusive thoughts/worries about my children are taking over

[Whenthewinerunsout]

I think I should have posted this in ‘Mental health’ but I really want to engage with other parents with young children, who may understand how I feel :(

what the title says, my intrusive thoughts are taking over my life day by day. The older my children get, the worse it becomes. My oldest is 3 and youngest is 18 months. so I know I’ve got a lonngggg way to go and so many other things to worry about!

its getting to the point where I don’t trust my husband anymore, he just isn’t as ‘switched on’ as I am, I take them to the park and spot every single hazard, I’m a nervous wreck in the car or if we’re walking near a road, I’m terrified of them being abducted or abused, drowning is another thing I’m petrified of. My husband obviously loves them to pieces, but I worry if he lets one of them get too near the road and I’m not there or if he takes his eye off them in the bath for a second. I know I can’t go on living like this. he’s patient with me but i know I’m driving him mad.

I love them both so much and my worst fear is one of them being snatched away from me :( especially my oldest for some reason, since he was born I’ve had this awful feeling in the pit of my stomach that I won’t have him
for a long time. He slept with breathing alarms till he was 2 then he was pulling them
off, my youngest has started pulling his alarm off too, my health visitor knows that I was scared of SIDS when they were newborn and she supported me but I haven’t admitted anything else to her.

they are my world and I couldnt exist without them :(
I know this is not normal or healthy at all and I can’t go on like this and definitely don’t want to project my anxiety onto them

This must be exhausting for you! You really need to speak to your GP.

Kindly, your level of anxiety isn't normal. You need to get help from your GP.

i also have a very high anxiety level. I would wash my hands until they bled because I was worried about germs. I won't tell you the other things that I was worried about because I don't want to add to your worries. I actually have OCD. I'm not saying that's what you have but you really need support to improve your anxiety because it's bloody exhausting.

Funny thing is I’m not overly obsessed with germs/cleanliness (my house is clean and tidy but I don’t go over the top and not obsessed with it)

my anxieties are mainly around the children being in accidents that could be avoided/prevented, them being abducted, them being abused, them being in a frightening situation where they need me and are trying to call out for me but I’m not there or not quick enough :( :(

i know it’s not healthy or normal and I can’t go on like this.

This is a mental health issue, not a parenting issue. You need to see your GP and get some help for your mental health, as soon as possible.

I think people's anxiety can manifest in different ways. A bit of anxiety can keep us safe but It becomes an issue when its irrational, excessive and interfers with daily life. Its exhausting being stressed, anxious and of guard all the time.

You need to see your GP and get some help. In the meantime I find guided meditation and mindfulness helpful. You can look on YouTube. I find this one helpful . The smiling minds app is really good and free. They also have meditations for kids. It might help a bit ut isn't a substitute to proper help.

I've also taught my kids about the pants rule https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=-lL07JOGU5o and body boundaries in an age appropriate way. They know what is an isn't appropriate and I've tried to empower them as best as I can without causing them anxiety.

I think you need to think about what is a real risk and what is a MH issue.

I'll happily admit I worry about all the same things. But it doesn't affect my life because I have found a way to deal with it. If a thought pops into my head I just concentrate on something else very hard, at the moment it's apples, so I just repeat "apples apples apples apples" in my mind and focus on their red skin and their stalks and leaves and so on. Or I make a conscious effort to look at something I can see and think about that. Like if I'm watching the kids I think, "oh that's a lovely jacket DD is wearing, it fits her really well and it's so purple and puffy." These stupid thoughts sort of interrupt the intrusive thought and my mind moves on to something else. It works for me and in a few seconds the thought is gone.

I agree you should go to your GP if you can't find a way to handle it though, or if you feel like it's invading your life (it sounds like it is).

One thing that helped me reframe it is something I read on here, which may or may not be true! And that's that these thoughts are actually 'normal' and they are your mother-brain running through risky scenarios so you can think through how you would act to prevent/resolve the situation, in order to actually make your children safer. Obviously it is only supposed to be mild thoughts, not intrusive thoughts, but it did help me to realise that maybe there is a reason for them (even if it's gone too far). Without these thoughts I would not have mentally plotted escape plans from the bedrooms in case of fire/burglar/tornado/apocalypse!