Help, I’m drowning and feel like such a bad mum!

[mumlife222]

I feel like I’m drowning with parenthood and life right now.
I’ve two boys, eldest will be 4 in Sept & youngest will be 2 in Sept.
I feel like we have no structure to our life right now.

Struggling to get them down to bed, my eldest has been in our room for around a year now or more and now our youngest is able to get out of the cot, he is now in our room, my husband has just put another double bed into our room so both can sleep in the room, which I don’t mind if they sleep.

I’m really struggling to get them both settled into bed at night, the eldest is just so needy when we are going to bed, as soon as he puts his head on the pillow it’s “I’m hungry”, even though we have gave him food all evening before bed.

My husband and I are arguing a lot with the stress of this, I’m essentially a stay at home mum but his business is outside our house which makes it so difficult for me to keep the boys inside and away from him to get working, which then leads to him feeling the financial stress.

I just feel like the worst mum, shouting at my 3 year old tonight to get into bed, he knows his dad is outside and wants to be out with him, which just leaves it so difficult for me and then the nearly 2 year old follows suit and won’t lay down.

I feel like I’m at a loss, I feel defeated. Really struggling with motherhood right now. Writing this as tears roll down my face not sure what to do next.

Oh I’m so sorry. It’s true that being a parent is the hardest job! You are definitely in the trenches and you’re not a bad mum because it all got too much and you lost your rag.

So the first bit seems to be the feeling of no structure, how could that be improved? Can your DH help with any bedtimes? At some point we did one child each and later moved to taking turns to do both kids on the days we each could within our routine. Meaning a few nights off bedtime which is bliss! But maybe DH work is a barrier to that?

We used to call the ‘I’m hungry’ etc, ‘stay games’, ie whatever they tried to get us to stay in the room at bedtime. So the response was always no stay games. It’s not that catchy now I write it lol but it’s good for you to know in advance, he’s fed, clean, etc, and just say no to these things. If you plan it it’ll help you get less frustrated.

That’s a couple thoughts but it sounds like mainly you just need to hear- we’ve all been there with the bedtime shenanigans of kids those ages. It can be utterly dementing and you are doing fine.

Thank you, I really appreciate you taking the time to respond.

A lot of the time he ends up having to come in or I end up helping him and it takes the two of us to get them to bed so both our evening is essentially gone which is frustrating us both.

I think I need to set a stricter bedtime routine and both stick to it.

Thank you for the great tips, I really appreciate it.

I don't have any answers but solidarity in that my 3 year old is a nightmare sleeper, won't sleep and then constantly comes to look for me during the night. Broken sleep and wasted evenings have made me miserable. I'm hoping that it will get better by the time they're at school. X

Sending you positivity and strength, it’s sooo tough.

Some days it feels a lot easier than others, but the tough days can defeat you x

You are in the hardest years of parenting. It doesn't seem like it now but it will get easier. Cut yourself some slack. Parenting is tough.