Need some tips about evening routine

[Ilikecats86]

My DD 10 takes ages at dinner. She’ll sit with food in her mouth for ages and when you prompt her to hurry up so we can [insert nice activity] she will say “I’m chewing!!!”. She quickly eats what she likes and then if she’s neutral about it there’s a bit of a performance. It means that dinner/pjs and teeth/ after dinner chores takes 2 hours and then she gets upset if we don’t have time to play cards or watch an episode of something. What can I do? I was thinking to say everything needs to be done by 7.30 if she wants to do something fun then just leave her to it but I feel bad leaving her at the table alone. Rest of the family sits and watches her eat for 45 mins+ after we’ve all finished. Help me, it’s driving me mad.

I'd make it very simple, dinner is finished by X time, all dishes cleared and cleaned by then as you're not all wasting your evenings watching her. If she wants to join in whatever you are all doing she'll have to crack on and stop messing about or stay at the table alone.

Hi thanks for the comment. I think you’re right, we’ve tried this but it didn’t last for long as we felt guilty her just sat at the table for an hour on her own. But I think we need to implement this and stick to our guns.

I can see you're feeling guilty about the prospects of leaving her at the table alone but it sounds like it's a bit of a performance she's putting on for whatever reason. So it is by her choosing after all. I think by 10 years old she'll soon change her mind if you stick to your guns and she knows she's missing out. I needed to see a dietitian in the past for DC and was told to cap mealtimes at 30 minutes. 10-15 mins for snack times and 30 mins for meals. That's more than enough for them to take what their appetite allows for.

I know it might sound a bit harsh but set your expectations and stick to it. I personally would approach by leaving her plate there for no more than 30 minutes so she doesn't have the opportunity to delay. There is really no need to take any longer. Sounds like it's been tricky for you, hope it gets better soon OP.

She’ll just sit for an hour at the table herself holding food in her mouth while everyone gets on with their evening? That’s wild.

I’d leave her to it. If she wants to spend her evening being a human hamster by herself, let her.

Is she saying she’s full and doesn’t want to finish her meal?

No the hamster thing is when we’re there. If we leave her at the table she just pushes the food around her plate. You go back in 20 mins and nothing has gone from her plate.

No, she just says we don’t give her enough time. The other day she had a sausage, a few wedges, small portion of peas and two bits of broccoli and after 20 mins she’d only eaten the sausage.

Thanks for this, this is interesting. If she doesn’t finish and we remove her plate with lots of dinner left, shall we let her have a treat if sibling has had one?
thanks for your support. I feel like I’m going mad with it.

@Ilikecats86 That's a tricky one without knowing her. Is she a child who would look for lots of treats in replacement of meals? Silly question really, I know they all love treats😂 I suppose I'd start by ascertaining if she's full or if she's refusing the meal. If she's genuinely full and just had enough, then I'd probably allow the treat, same as her sibling. If she's just being fussy and refusing the meal then I wouldn't allow the treat. Nutrition first and foremost. You think you'll be past these kinds of issues as they get older, but they always surprise you with something🤦🏼‍♀️

I think it would be that she just doesn’t want to eat the meal rather than fullness. I think we’ll start by offering fruit even if she hasn’t finished but no treats. I know, keeping us on our toes 😂

I have a lot of behavioural issues with my son who is 9 years old who thinks that he rules the roost (as they say) at home.
He thinks it’s Ok to get up through the night to go on an electrical device and watch YouTube this has now resulted in me putting codes on my TV/Apps, Remotes, mobiles & Tablet devices therefore this cannot be accessed.
Please tell me that I’m not the only parent that’s going through this ordeal every night as my last chore needing to do this with codes before I retire to bed.
He tries to overrule me too, I ask him not to do something that his done wrong/bad but will try and persist in carrying on & lashes out on myself & his big brother.
He can become really snappy and hit out.
Sometimes you have to ask him to do a simple task & it takes a few times to ask him over and over to do something & he can become lazy when I want him to do as he has asked the first time around t can become very draining.
He has had discipline for his antics but then when the discipline has ended it goes back to square one nothing ever seems to work with him. Any advice or tips would be greatly appreciated..

God I couldn’t be arsed with this. Everyone eat and then leave the table. Tell her she’s free to leave whenever she feels she’s had enough but don’t dictate what “enough” is. She can decide for herself. If she chooses to sit there for no reason pushing food around in silence, that’s her choice. The rest of the evening if she says she’s hungry, point to the fruit bowl.