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Original poster

I smacked this morning and...

14 replies

swiftyknickers · 20/05/2008 11:24

i feel so upset and sad about it all, am sat at work trying not to cry (i know i need to get a grip but am PMS)

DS is 3 in August and has the devil in him, has gone from being a very happy little boy to kicking, screaming, shouting and not doing as he is told

This am was trying to get ready for nursery and was battling to get his clothes on and just loast it, smacked him on the bum and he sobbed The thing is he got dressed and got in his buggy. I dont want to go down this route, I am readimg the how to talk to your children so they will listen bla blah but find it exhausting. sometimes you just want them to do as they are told!!

I feel so upset -anybody got any advice

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Original poster

swiftyknickers · 20/05/2008 11:29

anyone?

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LaylaandSethsmum · 20/05/2008 11:31

Don't be hard on yourself, he's pushed you to your limits, no-one can be a saint all of the time.

I have very occasionally smacked mine when i've been at the end of my tether and it made me feel awful.

Just put it behind you and move on.

callmeovercautious · 20/05/2008 11:31

It was a one off, you do not have to do it again. He will remember it though so tread carefully with him. Keep trying the other techniques and you will get through to him eventually. Remember all of these things are phases and it will pass

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Twiglett · 20/05/2008 11:32

I don't think that's a big deal

I would've done the same I'm fairly sure

I would then think 'I shouldn't have done that, I'll try not to do it next time', I would probably also have apologised for smacking him and reinforce how important it is

I have occasionally smacked my children on the bottom when I have lost it at their behaviour, I am not overly proud of this but I also don't find it a big deal - my children are 7 and 4 now and fine and lovely

don't worry the pre-school years are the most taxing, it is easier when you can rationalise with them

and give yourself a break

FluffyMummy123 · 20/05/2008 11:32

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FluffyMummy123 · 20/05/2008 11:33

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ItsNotOnlyTheGoodBits · 20/05/2008 11:34

Sorry Swifty- no advice, but I know how you feel as I did the same thing myself last night

Well I didn't smack Baby GoodBits but thumped him when he wouldn't fall asleep after an hour.

Have too been feeling awful about it and was going to post myself but chickened out.

Try telling yourself that you're not a bad person and that your son isn't a 'bad' kid. Unfortunately sometimes they push us beyond our limits. I know how bad you are feeling and also how shocked at yourself you must be - I am too

I don't know what to do either all I can do is send you hugs.

SoupDragon · 20/05/2008 11:35

If you don't want to go down that route then don't. It's not worth dwelling on now either - it happened, you feel upset and don't want to do it.

Things like rewards can help. I've used the pasta jar approach successfully - 5 pieces of pasta in a jar on Saturday, child can earn more or lose them, count them on the next satruday and exchange for a reward per piece (we used 10p per piece). It can be adjusted to suit your child - some respond to collecting shells, chocolate buttons etc etc.

Sometimes offering them a choice works (do you want to wear these trousers or these ones? Do you want to go in the buggy or walk?) Just make sure that both options are ones that result in them doing what you want them to do!

I'd hazard a guess that 99.9% of Mumnetters have been in your shoes

foxythesnowfox · 20/05/2008 11:37

agree, don't be too hard on yourself.

We are human too, and have our limits. Its not so bad for them to realise that. After all, they often push us for a reaction.

I've done it too from time to time, like you, in extreme circumstances. Its not something I 'do' but occasionally I've got to the end of my tether.

I've cried out of frustration and desperation infront of them too.

I've screamed.

All quite extreme, perhaps not necessary, but it was how I reacted at that particular time.

And it makes you more aware of your own behaviour in the future.

Now make yourself a nice cuppa and move on. If you were a bad mother you wouldn't be upset right now.

ranting · 20/05/2008 11:37

First off, as has been said, don't be so hard on yourself about it. It's done now, I have smacked my children once or twice too. Wouldn't say I'm anti smacking but I never found it worked as discipline.

Secondly I found with my ds at that age that he was better behaved when he'd had a bit of physical activity in his day (I know not all boys are like that, but mine was), it was a bit like having a dog, he'd need 'walking' every day. I haven't read that book so can't comment on that but I found I had to change the way I behaved around him to get him to behave better. To give you a bit of hope my ds is a teen now and a lovelier boy you could not meet.

Original poster

swiftyknickers · 20/05/2008 11:39

ah thanks everyone, sorry for being self indulgent, just feel sad.

he just seems so unhappy at the moment

need to go down the star chart route too, he is a bit spoilt with toys etc and has just spent the weekend with grandma.maybe he needs to start earning treats etc

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Original poster

swiftyknickers · 20/05/2008 11:42

also he woke at 5.30 this am...and is a bit peaky...runny nose etc.

the choice thing defo works with him. need to give myslef more time in the morning so dont get impatient
Thanks for all the advice

OP posts:

booge · 20/05/2008 11:43

A few days ago DS just kept running away from me when out shopping, scaring me senseless. I smacked his hand and felt awful afterwards but that doesn't mean I'm going to start smacking as my modus operandi. Take a deep breath and carry on as you did before using all the other approaches.

Poledra · 20/05/2008 11:47

I've done it too, and I'm never proud of myself afterwards. Have also thrown child's clothes on the floor, and said 'You do it then. I am not putting up with this whining any longer' and left the room (OK, shouted it really ). And she broke her heart and I felt terrible.

We all get pushed to our limits at times. I usually apologise to the child involved (including my 2.4 dd) and explain that I did it because I was tired/cross/had asked them 5 times and they weren't listening. Then we have a cuddle and I resolve to try harder next time and, hopefully, so do they.

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