Almost 3yo being violent

[Dumpyjo]

DS is almost 3. He's always struck out in anger (like if his sister takes something off him) but for the last few weeks he's started being really violent towards me for tiny little reasons. For example if he doesn't want to brush his teeth he will Scratch, pinch and bite. I try asking if he wants to brush his teeth and he carries on hurting me. He only seems to do it to ne and a lot of the time he laughs, even when I've cried.
When he does it I've tried ignoring (he does it harder), I do time out (he literally trashes the place), I give him to my DH (sometimes helps but he's not always around).
His language is pretty good and he generally tells me how he's feeling and says if something is bothering him so I don't think it's that he's unable to express himself.
He goes to nursery and they say he's really well behaved.
Is this just a phase or do I need to get some help?

Be firm. Find a spot that he can’t trash and heko
him stay there. Everytime he hurts even when out is a timeout.

What we did when we had this issue around the same age was follow this routine with damn consistency.

Say for sake of example she hit me.

1. State (same phrasing each time) "It's ok to feel frustrated but it's not ok to hit. Let's go calm down together"

2. Activity we were doing immediately stops and we go sit in the same spot each time. You need somewhere quiet, calm, boring with nothing that can be thrown etc. We went for the little corridor that leads down to our bathroom, but pick them up and take them there.

3. We sit with her in the spot and do things to calm down like counting to 10, funny little breathing exercises that make her giggle, anything to break the tension and give some calm time. Stay for as long as needed and definitely don't leave if there is still any violent or otherwise unacceptable behaviour

4. Talk through what happened, how they were feeling, and apologise to whoever was at the receiving end.

5. Move back to playing, and don't bring it up again.

First few days we had quite a lot of sitting in the corridor, but it quickly went down, and now she even takes herself to the corridor instead of hitting etc. and starts doing silly breathing exercises. It's less than once a month we have to intervene now.

Similar situation with our 2.5 year old.

I've been following the advice of Sarah Ockwell Smith (worth a follow). When it happens, protect yourself/child first and foremost, then say "I will not let you hurt me", and ignore it beyond that.

It breaks the cycle of negative behaviour = extra attention. Then, when they move on, return to normal and don't withhold love.

It seems to work for us, and while our DD hasn't stopped hitting it's been a good deescalation strategy.

Thank you. What do you do when its really not convenient for a time out like bed time?

I say something similar. But he just continues to do it and gets increasingly more painful.

Honestly, just the same. They get so bored of the calm down routine they just give up after a few days. Consistency is key. Not once can they hit etc. without the calm down routine. Once they have absolute consistency it helps them feel more regulated, knowing what to expect and it just sort of fizzled out

OK thanks. I'll give it a go