Some advice needed with newborn please

[CT1994]

Hi all,

Just some background.

Our baby boy is 4 weeks old and my mother in law visited to help out with the new addition, but she's leaving tomorrow (lives in a different country). My wife and I immigrated 5 years ago, so it's just us 2 (now 3).

Is it normal for my wife to feel lonely when she's home alone with bubs? I feel so guilty when I need to leave for work. Almost making me not wanting to leave at all.

Maybe I just need some reassurance or advice, I don't know. But any wise words would be appreciated🙏

Yes.

Did your partner work before the baby?

She did indeed

It's so normal!
I had my mum stay for the first month and cried when she left.
It's scary and then there are hormonal changes too which don't help emotions.
She will get used to it and adjust - promise !

I think you must be clear that work is not optional.

Might it be helpful to encourage your wife to engage with local networks: NCT, library story time, baby gym, etc.

I was lonely, i signed up to free baby groups etc.

Yes it's normal

Phone her when you can during the day and take over with the baby for a while when you get home so she can rest, shower, eat, whatever in peace for a little bit

I was really upset/scared/overwhelmed when my husband went back to work after two weeks. Had no idea what I was doing and it all felt too much.

I developed post natal depression and took anti-depressants.

Yes your wife is normal. Be nice to her, ask her what help she needs, tell her she's doing great and that you love her. Make sure she gets some sleep. Try and give her a break when you can.

It's so so normal. But the fact that you are concerned about this enough to make a post says you are kind and considerate. Obviously we know nothing bout the nuances of your relationship but you seem a supportive person so all you can do is just be as emotionally present as you can for her- one thing to be aware of if you aren't already- sometimes people just like to have a good vent and moan and a sympathetic ear but aren't actually asking for you to fix something.
She knows you have to go to work, you know that, she's probably not asking you not to go or to feel guilty, but just that that is how she feels when she's home alone, shes lonely.
Definitely try and get into a local community one way or another.
The newborn stage Is hard. Just be patient and loving and you'll get through it

Very normal. I would suggest she looks for some mum and baby groups so she can get to know other mums. It is hard to make yourself go at first but they are usually very beneficial

Very normal

Baby groups (baby massage is good when v small)
Church groups
Walks and a trip go a coffee shop
All helpful

First baby is a real shock to the system

Completely normal for her to feel like this. She has so much going on. Also, losing the help she has had in the last 4 weeks will feel like a massive loss to her.

Help out as much as you can. For example make sure you have some food shopping in amd drinks, maybe make her some snack boxes or a packed lunch up and leave in the fridge, help with the cleaning and laundry, make sure the baby bag is packed and stocked, nappies, formula if using and sterilising done. Begin to form new household routines together.

Be there for her as much as you can when you're not there. Texts and calls when you can just to check in with her so she doesn't feel alone. When together let her have time to herself to have a bath or pop to the shops or to nap.

Just knowing that you're helping and that you're thinking about them will help her massively. It worked for me.

So completely normal. Your lives have been flipped upside down with the new arrival, but suddenly you're getting back to normal routine, and she's navigating an entirely new lifestyle on her own. Obviously you're supportive and loving but that's what it feels like. It's a very vulnerable time and can feel overwhelmingly sad and lonely when your partner returns to work.

In my experience it doesn't last long, though. You begin to find a rhythm and enjoy your routine just you and baby. Getting out as much as possible definitely helps. I remember having a look around the shops was nice in the early days and not too overwhelming. Mum and baby groups when she's ready are a brilliant way to build support. Reassure her, let her talk it out, she'll get there. And congratulations 😊

Before the baby she had structure and probably adults to talk to. She got to be somewhere else and engage in different things.

Babies are so tiring and monotonous and the lack of adult support is a lot. I couldn’t wait to go back to work after 9 months!

God yes, it's very normal. I used to be terrified every morning. Terrified. Another day, all alone, with this extremely fragile, incredibly demanding little lump. I used to go ballistic if DH was even 10 minutes late from work. He once went for a drink after work on a Friday and I almost divorced him over it. I hear about women whose husbands work long hours and think I genuinely would not have coped.

Yes it's very isolating. And such a big life change, as well as a physically, emotionally and mentally draining time. Try and encourage her to get out and take baby for walks, did she meet any other friends who have had babies? Encourage her to join some baby groups. It's great her mother came to help, but that's also probably contributing to her feeling sad as she's gone back. When you get home from work encourage her to have an hour by herself to relax and unwind, and also get out by herself even just to have a coffee