Help!!! Does this get easier?

[Mamabeartotwo]

I have a 6 week old baby and a toddler of 2yrs 3 months and to say I’m struggling is an understatement. My newborn isn’t the easiest baby but certainly isn’t the worst, my little girl was definitely an easier newborn. He suffers with some gas, I suspect a bit of reflux, cries a fair bit and fights day sleep. He sleeps for 2-3 hours at night between feeds but can sometimes take a good hour/hour and a half to settle back to sleep by which time it’s nearly time for the next feed. He’s also an extremely noisy sleeper. From about 4am he grunts and groans in his sleep which I find really difficult to sleep through. He’s exclusively breastfed and gaining weight well, I’ve been battling an over supply issue so haven’t been able to pump to avoid making that situation worse so the nightfeeds are all down to me. Thankfully my toddler is a good napper and sleeps through the night most nights. She is currently cutting her last two molars. In the day she has become so much more challenging, it’s like as if her brothers birth has catapulted her into the terrible twos, tantrums, trying to kick/bite me, before this she was the sweetest little girl who rarely gave me any trouble. I feel very disconnected from her since the baby was born which devastates me, despite trying to make special time for me and her every day. My husband works shift with a mix of lates and night duty which also adds another level of chaos to the situation. I have very good family support and genuinely think I would have went insane without my own mother the past 6 weeks. Despite all I have going for me I feel so helpless. I love both my babies so so much but I’m starting to worry about my mental health, I find myself thinking that we’ve ruined things by having another baby even though it was very much what I wanted, in fact we’ve always talked about having at least 3 children but I genuinely question wether I can do this again. I feel utterly trapped and a lot of the time I want to run away. Please tell me things get easier and will start falling into place because I feel so worn out and depleted.

It's going to be okay, you're in the early days still. You'll look back and it will have flown by.. take one day at a time and just do what you can, even just cuddle your daughter whilst feeding your son with cartoons on or reading a story or a sticker book.. it'll change so much in another while and you'll get through that too. They'll be playing together soon, I was you not that long ago so I speak from experience. And give yourself little things to look forward to in the day - a coffee mid morning, a nice lunch, even 20 minutes of TV at night just to keep you going. You can do it.

This was like reading a message from my past self. We are 6 months into baby 2 now, with a daughter who's almost 3. It gets easier. We've turned a corner recently, hes finally started doing really good day naps, his sister has less tantrums, its all getting progressively easier.

Literally everything you wrote I could've written myself, except for wanting at least 3 kids. We knew this would be our last. I think that could be adding to your stress a little. Forget about that and focus on the babies you have here. You can do it.

It is so normal to feel like you've ruined everything when number 2 comes along. The newborn but is incredibly tough and adjusting to giving your first born less of yourself is such a challenge. I promise it gets easier. The newborn stage feels like forever but it's a small blip and in 5 or 5 months your newborn will be sat up, laughing at their big sister. I have the most adorable videos of my 3 yo feeding his baby sister some baby food and then a few months later her taking her first steps toward him and then following him everywhere, making dinosaur noises because that what he played with chasing each other round the garden. There are so many magical moments to come....it's just this first few months is a slog. Hang in there, you're doing a great job! Mine are teens now and they just bicker or try to get each other in trouble but there were years of loveliness before that.

Oh lovely it’s SO early, don’t panic. You’re still recovering and theres so much going on. I don’t know what medical advice you’ve had but I’d personally suggest you are unlikely to be battling over supply at 6weeks unless that’s a known issue for you, they just leak and get uncomfortable at that stage anyway. I’d pump if it’s going to get you a bit more sleep personally. Or if you think you do have an oversupply, could you (or rather, your mum or dh) offer a small formula top up sometimes if you really don’t want to pump?
just take each hour and each day bit by bit and it will get easier and you will get through it. Take any opportunity you can to look after yourself and to be looked after

Thank you guys! Can’t wait to start turning the corner but feeling sad because I’m wishing part of their childhoods away

You’re in the trenches right now. I had the same gap as you between my two (now 4 and 2) and it does get easier. My daughter struggled to adjust to DS but they love each other now and enrich each other’s lives so much. You’re at the stage where the newborn is very demanding and also mostly boring to your daughter. When he starts interacting with your daughter, things will get easier. You’ll also start getting 1-2-1 time back with her which you’ll both cherish.

It’s one of those things that time will sort out.

I had a similar age gap with my first 2 and I was EBF too. Honestly felt like I was losing my mind in the early months. My toddler was a nightmare, the baby cried night and day, I had NO sleep for insane amounts of time. But I got through it and you will too.
Just do whatever you need to do to get through this period. Let the house be a mess, let the toddler eat crap and watch tv all day, have bin bags and baby wipes everywhere!!!!
Take whatever shortcuts you need to survive this period whether it's ready meals, online shopping, takeaways, anything that makes your life easier.

No advice but solidarity! I’m in the exact same position and feeling the exact same way. Just keep reassuring myself that this is the gap we wanted, and the first few months are bound to be difficult, but already my youngest is smiling at her sister, and she laughs at her like nothing else, so I’m seeing snippets of the relationship between them growing! When DD2 can sit (and be entertained by a melty stick!) I think it’ll be easier, but for now it’s a slog and it’s okay to admit that!

Just hopping on for solidarity too OP - currently have an 8 week old and 2.5 year old. It’s bloody hard! I babywear most of the the day, co sleep, try not to stress about mess etc. Easy dinners, fresh air every day, lean in to any support you can get from family and friends. It will get easier - or at least that’s what I keep telling myself!

Thanks so much everyone xx