Toddler lives in terror of pooping / help please

[PrincessLeila8]

Hi,
We’ve been going through a very difficult time with our 3.5 year old toddler.

When she was 18 months, we were on a quick weekend trip. She became constipated and has since associated going to the toilet with pain. Since then she tries her absolute hardest to hold it all in.

There is absolutely nothing biologically wrong. We’ve done the rounds with all the paediatricians. Her poop is normal if not soft sometimes… yet she goes days holding it in. Whenever she does feel the urge, she crosses her legs and fights the need to go to the toilet. Most times she holds it so firmly that it only happens when she’s asleep at night...after suffering all day.

She’s absolutely fine with urination and toilet trained. But when it comes to pooping, she doesn’t even consider trying if she’s not wearing a diaper.

We’ve tried talking to her, books, had her nursery teacher and toys talk to her, all without success. People have told us it will resolve itself, but its been 2 years now. It’s massively disruptive for and gets in the way of her enjoying days at a time.

We were thinking of good child psychologist in London who could guide us through this… or if not that does anyone have any other suggestions?

We are completely lost

I would try the Eric continence website and if that doesn't work, ask the GP for a referral to the continence clinic.
Tbh I might consider putting her on stool softeners to force the issue like movicol but I would definitely research it properly first because I guess it could make the issue worse.

Sounds naively simple, so forgive me if you've done this...but a star chat? Pinned up beside the loo.
Dried pears, funnily enough are miles better than prunes/apricots. If you can get them.

A story, some distraction while she is on the loo can help.

This is more common than you'd think.

All the best.

you could try attaching an open nappy to the underneath of the toilet seat on your toilet so it is sort of like your child is using a nappy. Anything is worth a try at this point. One of mine was like this and that’s what I did and it worked

Have you tried movicol? We put it in hot chocolate and it worked for our 3.5 year old who was withholding. One sachet a day and keeping it up to prevent the problem from reoccurring

We had exactly this situation with my son. It was honestly hell, so I really feel for you.

we took him to the GP who prescribed laxido even though he wasn’t constipated, to make it more difficult for him to hold it in.

he also suggested sitting him on the toilet for five minutes after each meal. He was extremely resistant to this but the combination of it coming from the GP rather than us plus a reward jar (marble in the jar each time he sat on the toilet) helped.

He’s now 6 and mostly it’s not a problem anymore (and hasn’t been for quite a while). Though he still hears a bit emotional when he needs a poo sometimes.

i really hope it improves for you soon.

If she will poo in a nappy, can you get her to ask for a nappy when she wants to poo but ask her to sit on the potty with the nappy on?

The idea is that you let her relax into pooing regularly in the nappy, but sat on the potty. Then when she’s had at least a couple of weeks of pooing regularly like this, you then put the nappy on but only by a bit, and still get her to sit on the potty.

Very gradually you slacken the nappy over a few weeks so in the end you jist lay the nappy onto the potty and let her poo on that.

I would be trying bribery. Find an amazing toy she really wants, print a photo of it and make a star chart - put it somewhere prominent and agree that when it is full - a week or whatever you go and buy the toy. Sorry if this sounds really silly but at that age my kids were totally motivated by new toys!!

If she will blow bubbles using a bubble pot and wand whilst sitting on the toilet this can really help with relaxation. A padded toddler seat and putting her knees up may also help.
Have you heard of the Poo Land story?
Google and the You Tube video will come up.