Three year old screams and cries around me - fine around everyone else

[DelphiniumHolly]

Hi everyone,

I’m really struggling today. Out of nowhere for the past week my 3.4 year old has been having constant angry outbursts. Nothing I do is right, he gets so cross about everything and cries at the drop off a hat. It’s brought me to tears after days of constant shouting and crying.

With everyone else though, he’s absolutely fine. Yesterday he spent the day with my mum, completely fine and normal. As soon as he comes through the door and sees me, he loses it and is miserable again crying with big outbursts.

The same this morning. Unbearably whingy and upset about everything and anything. My husband comes downstairs (he’s working from home today) and sends me for a shower, as soon as I’ve gone he’s happy as Larry. Laughing with my husband and playing nicely like he usually does.

What is going on? I don’t understand. We’ve been doing the normal distraction techniques that usually work for his few normal tantrums, doesn’t work. Naming his feelings and emotions and offering hugs etc., doesn’t work. A firmer approach, telling him I won’t be doing anything for him at all until he speaks to me properly, doesn’t work. Not allowed his TV time if he shouts at me, doesn’t work.

I’m at a loss! Has he just taken against me?

I dont have kids so i cant really add anything.
Ive heard of the moody 2s can last a while.
At that age the dont know about emotions.
Or even why they do it.
Op your doing your best.
Hopefully someone will pop on soon with more experience than me.

Our son was really hard work between theee and about seven. Honestly I could have given him away. I wonder whether he’s holding in his emotions when he’s with other people then feels safe with you to let them all out?

Hang on in there. It will improve over time. My son was a wonderful teenager and is an equally lovely adult.

I have absolutely no advice - sorry.
but ur not alone. My DS is the same age and it’s exactly the same here. The child is practically angelic for my mother, my mil, fil, husband, nursery and a horror with me. Flat out refuses to listen, lashes out, runs off, cheeky etc. and lucky me I have another at 1.5 who again only seems to play up for me. I’m just hoping wen they are older they won’t be such dicks lol

There is an idea that the person a toddler is most bonded with, is the person they behave the ‘worst’ for.

That parent is the safest and so the toddler can let go of all their frustration and worries knowing deep down this parent will always be there for them.

I noticed this when we moved house and I put my Dd into a new nursery. It was a good nursery and she was very well behaved there, but became a different child. We changed nursery and she became more relaxed. But I should have been more prepared about how much a house move would unsettle her.

Is there anything else going on in your son’s life that could be upsetting/worrying him? It may seem trivial to you, but could be important to him.

Im not sure what the solution is other than keep offering unconditional love.

There could of course be other reasons, but I’d check first about typical developmental stages for his age.

My two boys have always been very well behaved at school and with anyone else, and then periods of being absolutely terrible with me. And my friends have said similar. I think they do misbehave more when they feel safe to do so.

My daughter told me that children have 900 times worse behaviour around their mum's than anyone else. Sometimes the emotions are so big because they miss you and need connection but because they're just being a nightmare don't get the cuddles they need. they have love languages. My other daughter who's a teacher told me their love language is play so she spends an inordinate amount of time playing and sitting in his tent/camp while he goes off doing things. I'm learning to parent from them! Try playing with him. Ask what he wants to play with and join in. Enjoy.

He hasn’t taken against you, it’s the opposite! He feels safe letting it all out with you, hence he may be fine (or pretending to be fine) with others and then falls apart with you.

it is very hard for you, but if you can (and without knowing if there have been any big life changes recently) , go back to basics: lots of cuddles, one on one time if you can manage, reading stories on the sofa type thing. That’s my instinct - if something has unsettled him he will benefit from reassurance from you .