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Parenting

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6yo grieving all over again

2 replies

SugarCookieMonster · 14/05/2025 21:16

2 years ago my DH’s uncle passed away. He had been ill for a long time and was in hospital. DS is now 6, so 4 at the time and was reasonably close with him. He was understandably upset at the time but it eased off and although he still talked about him, it was conversational rather than upset.

2 weeks ago my uncle passed away. DS had never met him (he was in very poor health and lived a bit of a distance). However, ever since, DS has been getting upset at bedtime about missing DH’s uncle. He’s been crying and saying he’s sad.

We’ve let him have a cry, cuddles etc. I’ve also told him nice memories they had together as DS was upset he couldn’t remember much about him. We got a photo of them together for his room which he seemed really happy with.

I asked if he only felt sad at bedtime and he said that he’d got upset at school yesterday but the dinner lady told him not to talk about people in heaven. It’s a church school so I was surprised at that, but understand it may not have been appropriate at the time.

I’m assuming that my uncle’s death has brought it all back up for him. I’m feeling a bit out of my depth. Is this normal or should I be worried?

OP posts:
Modestandatinybitsexy · 15/05/2025 06:03

Not the same but my 5yo acts very similarly about the loss of our cat. It’s the first real experience of death that she understands. But it’s also always at bedtime as a bit of an avoidance technique!
I think you’re going the right things. Continue to validate his feelings and talk about the good memories. My daughter and I are putting together a cat memory book to flip through at bedtime because she was worried she’d forget, maybe you could do that too?

SugarCookieMonster · 15/05/2025 14:37

Thank you @Modestandatinybitsexy.
I decided to contact child bereavement uk for some advice and they were fantastic. Gave lots of advice and tips. They have lovely animated videos on dealing with grief, remembering loved ones and what happens at funerals etc. Going to give it a try and see how we get on but she did say it’s common at this age as it’s when they understand the permanence of loss.

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