Afterschool Snacks

[Hey40]

Hey, everyday after school I give my DS a snack. It’s something I started as whenever I would pick him up he would be tired and grumpy. It’s usually something healthy-ish like a Yo Bear. He likes to offer his snacks to his other friends, but he usually asks me first and I say if it’s ok with their grownup.

Today however he offered it to his friend without asking and the mum knocked it out of his friends hand. I was a bit taken a back, but assumed maybe his friend had allergies/diabetes. I apologised and picked up the offending snack thinking the mum might offer some explanation. Instead she apologised to my son, but no explanation.

It’s thrown me a bit as now I’m wondering if was because of another reason and it also makes me feel a bit sad for my son who just being a lovely sweet boy who wanted to share with his friend. We don’t know them well, but have walked with them and seen them at parties. Is there anything else I need to be concerned about or am I just reading too much into it?

Parent up op. The next 12 years of schooling are going to be tough for you otherwise

You bought your son a snack. Do whatever you want

respect whatever anyone else does.

knocking out the hand was weird but she apologised. She didn’t owe you an explanation

don’t give it another thought

I used to bring mine magnums in summer! You should have seen the faces of the kids munching on carrots! 😁

I don’t think you need to be concerned, she got flustered and apologised. It’s got nothing to do with your child’s actions, I think you are overreacting a bit!

At our school parents generally bring fruit snacks or ice lollies on hot days. None of the children share. I think they’re discouraged from sharing food at break and lunch so it’s normal to them.

Are Yo bears healthy..?

As a mum to a child with allergies I would be encouraging your child to either not share food or to ask the parent not the child.

Alongside allergies my daughter has had restrictions to her diet due to toddler diarrhoea (although now outgrown), reflux and to protect her teeth from her reflux.

Most of the time I'm happy to explain but there's sometimes when I just want to get home as easily as possible from the school run and don't fancy going into the explanation as we navigate the school crowd whilst avoiding cars and dog muck! It gets a bit frustrating sometimes our group goes to the shop on a Friday. The other week I got my daughter the one ice lolly I knew she could eat. As we came out another mum who had found a dairy free ice cream for her child and with the best of intentions offered the wrapper to me to check if my daughter could have it. I know there isn't an ice cream available that my daughter can have, rather than accepting the no it involved a 5 minute conversation about the details of her allergies and the 3 of her allergens that are typically in these products and yep 2 of them were then a continued conversation about how you would never expect that. That day I had the time and the head space for the chat but there are absolutely days when I don't! I just want to get home and get her ready for an after-school activity!

@Superscientist I totally understand and I always ask him to check with parents first, which is why this caught me off guard. I don’t think I wanted a lengthy explanation, but no explanation left me feeling a bit mystified and like we had done something wrong.

I had a chat with DS after so he knew it wasn’t his fault, but not to offer his snacks in future. I think he’s feeling confused as he’s always been taught at home and at school it’s good to share.

As in the comments though I’m probably overreacting and need not to read anymore into it 🙂

@Hey40 the issue is often even a "no thanks she has allergies" still often prompts a conversation
"Oh is it dairy or gluten, how is she with nuts"
"Is it anaphylaxis?"
"How did you find that out"
And so on
Or "oh it's dairy free" well great but my daughter has 19 other allergies so there's often other things some of which they don't have to put on the label!
There's also the issue of dealing with my daughter being upset because I have to say no to food that looks really tasty and she just wants to have the same as her friends. She won't show that in front of the other parent but I know that I'm going to have an upset child to comfort when I get home. I know as a consequence of this interaction you have had too but this is possibly a one off for you, it can be a daily or weekly thing for me and my daughter

Schools are always telling the children not to share food so it’s not a brilliant message for your son for you to be encouraging him to share food right after school because it’s confusing.

She doesn’t owe you an explanation as to why she doesn’t want her child to eat whatever it was. My child has anaphylaxis and when she was little other children used to offer her food, she would say no because she’s allergic to peanuts and the child would say it hadn’t got peanuts in (in good faith) and my dd would believe them and then end up half dead. It’s like Russian roulette.

Some parents just won't want their kids to get in the habit of needing a snack at the school gates. Either way, it doesn't really matter like a pp said, just respect the way others parent their kids and stick with doing your own thing.

The thing is it’s not always “good to share”. You’ve been teaching the wrong thing. Children really should keep their snacks to themselves because you don’t know the implications of feeding another child food they can’t eat.

It sounds like the mum could have been more tactful, but I don’t think you need to understand the reason. The child could be diabetic and she doesn’t want him eating a really sugary snack (which those are) and getting a spike. Maybe she’s trying to teach him to manage his sugar levels himself. I’m on lifesaving medication that has to be taken every 12 hours but not within 3 hours of any food, which means I can’t eat anything for specific chunks of time every day. It could be similar that he has to take medication on an empty stomach.

I think just focus and you and your child and teaching them healthy boundaries and don’t overthink this.

I don’t think you should be teaching that it’s good to share food, as PPs have said there are often reasons why it isn’t. And often schools teach not to share food at lunch from lunchboxes.

I’d just take a snack for him, and not several snacks that can be shared, and then it’s not an issue.

I assume allergies / diabetes as you guessed yourself. Most people would explain if they were serious enough to knock a snack out of their child's hand, but equally, it isn't anyone else's business, so I suppose it will remain a mystery!

My dcs usually share snacks with their friend and their friend shares with them too, but we know each other well enough to know about allergies etc, so maybe that's different. It isn't wrong to share snacks though, but when they were very little I always checked with the parents first. I remember a little boy asking me for a banana and I went and asked his mum if it was OK. It was OK but she said his dad has a banana allergy so it was good I asked! I'd honestly never heard of a banana allergy so always worth checking

yo bears are definitely not healthy😅 weird behaviour from the mum though.

Yes, this. And if presumably your son is asking the other parents in front of the friends, that’s an annoying situation to put the other parent in if they’d rather say no - best not to ask at all (unless very much as a one off). They might have something for their kids at home, or another child to collect who will kick off that sibling has a different snack, or anything else.

It’d be a little different if it was just a one off thing like him sharing on his birthday or something, but daily is just going to get annoying for other parents. Sorry! I know you’re both coming from a kind place, but best to find other ways to express it. (Plus those yo bears things are v nice but they’re v sugary on teeth and not at all healthy really, despite marketing! We had them too, but don’t kid yourself 😁)

As a society we are now over saturated with cheap and easily available junk and processed foods that aren't good for anyone.

The sharing is caring approach stems from times when food often was scarce and sharing was seen to be kind and generous.

How old are these children? I wouldn't 't be bringing a snack after school, but give some at home. Eating whilst walking is a bit weird so I wouldn't encourage that.

Walk home, chat but don't eat on the walk. Only offer up snacks at a playdate in your now home but check with parents of their kids have nay food needs or requirements. Problem solved.

*The sharing is caring approach stems from times when food often was scarce and sharing was seen to be kind and generous.
To add, and foods were more simple, most people ate the exact same kinds of foods due to more mono culture and there were much fewer allergies and genuine food sensitivities. Our culture today is no longer like that at all and offering random foods is socially not acceptable.

Saying that when they become teenagers, they do share food from their lunch boxes but by then each child knows what they need. I wouldn't encourage this at all in small children.

I’ve never asked or encouraged my child to share his snack. In fact I didn’t want him to share his snack and I’m well aware of allergies.

My child offered his snack without me knowing because he wanted to do something kind for his friend. We’ve spoken to him about it, so he knows for next time.

Also since when was it weird to walk and eat?!