6yr old doesn't want to go to school.

[Vicky1110]

Hello, so we have recently found out we are expecting and we told our children a couple of weeks ago.
My 6yr old DD doesn't really want to go to school (she gets ready fine but there's always something, like a tummy ache, that she says to try and stay at home), and now her teacher has come and talked to me because apparently she's being a bit different at school since the news (moving away from the group when sitting, generally not getting as involved as before, and just seeming a little quieter). She seemed to think it was very much linked to the new baby but did hasnt actually said anything about it to her.
At home we aren't making a big deal about the pregnancy or talking much about it, we let the kids bring it up and ask questions if they want to, and DD seems to be quite excited and happy about it. Apart from generally not wanting to go to school she seems normal at home.

Obviously I'm going to talk to her when she's home and see what she says/how she's feeling, if there's something going on at school causing it or if it is the prospect of a new baby.

I just wondered if anyone had any advice? Or been in a similar situation? Thanks x

Could she be thinking baby is imminent and doesn't want to miss it"s arrival??
Can you keep a diary of all the things she is doing/got planned and write your due date far down. Let her see lots to look forward to get done before her sibling arrives.

How far along are you? Young children struggle with the anticipation and may associate it with you being “ill” or away from them. Do you know anyone who has recently had a baby with sibling same age? Can you go out one to one to cinema etc?

I doubt very much it’s anything to do with the new baby, I bet it’s something toxic going on at school. I spoke to my daughters teachers numerous times about various issues and they always pretended things in the class were fine (they weren’t)

I had this exact same age difference with my two but my ds was very excited. She might be feeling a bit displaced. Speak to her and reassure her how things are going to work out, and rather talk about the baby and pregnancy instead of downplaying it because it will be a huge shock when the baby comes. You have time to prepare so start the conversations now.

I wouldn't ask her many questions, just explain all the things there are before the baby comes - so we have half term soon, and then it's your school trip, and then the play, and then we have summer holidays, and then after all of that we will meet the baby.

A very normal reaction from kids is just to feel a bit unsettled about change. The likelihood isn't that she 'doesn't want to go to school' but more she feels a bit wonky about change. Treat her a bit younger for a while - so do the things you probably naturally did in reception like be really available in the mornings and make a really calm routine. Tell her what is happening while she's at school and after school 'I'm going to go to work and then I'll be home and we'll have a drink and then I'll make tea and we'll go in the garden...'

I would also go with problems at school, maybe being excluded from a group of friends or picked on. Teachers don't seem to notice some of the class room politics going on, and the one fallen out of favour can be very upset.

Is she the youngest (apart from incipient baby)? Could it be that she's worried about the time you will spend at home with the new baby when she's at school and that she will miss out on your attention? I remember when my brother (two years younger) was at home with our mum and I was at school, they would go off on day trips or get the paddling pool out and I had my nose put out of joint a bit because I wanted to do those things too, not slave away over a hot desk!

My mum started taking me out on my own and having little trips for 'just us girls' which helped a bit.

She is the middle child, so has been through the pregnancy/new baby saga before with no issues, and we have talked about it and looked at pictures of when our youngest was born. We're also trying to keep a good routine so nothing else is really changing or different, the routine will remain when the baby is here too.

She also knows when it is due, the month before her birthday, and we talked about what's happening before then, and what we've got to look forward to, so I'm confident she understands it's not due for a little while.

I might try some more 1-2-1 time with her and see if that helps. I just want to get to the bottom of whether it is baby related or school related.

@Happyinarcon @dogcatkitten I am more tempted to think it's school because there have been a few things recently she's got upset about like people calling her the wrong name and such, but the teachers (obviously) say no everything is fine at school, even though I have spoken to them a couple of times before we even found out we were pregnant because of 'issues'. It's just hard to discuss with a teacher when they are just being blind to or ignoring the classroom politics.