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Parenting

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Original poster

50/59

12 replies

ALClark · 13/05/2025 21:57

I have 50/50 with my coparent we both work full time I have some time off work and would like my child in the days she should be looked after my childminder and his parents have her one day. I’ve said I will pick her up in the morning and drop her back for when he finishes work so I don’t interrupt his time with her and he is refusing saying his mum is to look after her? If he had annual leave and asked to have her the day my mum had her I would not decline as he is her dad and as we both work full time I get that he would want to use his annual leave with our child. Am I being unrealistic here?

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Bigfatsunandclouds · 13/05/2025 21:58

This is unreasonable, what are his reasons for saying no?

Original poster

ALClark · 13/05/2025 22:03

Just replied saying Wednesdays are the day my parents have her. His quite controlling in everything. Won’t let me contact her in his time like a quick FaceTime to say night. Doesn’t text back to let me know she’s ok. He even stopped her last week starting pre school on a Wednesday as it’s the day his parents have her but they only had a few afternoons available until she starts properly in sept. I wanted to just ease her in a bit with 3 hours.

OP posts:

boymum1111 · 13/05/2025 22:13

do you have a court order ? each parents time is their own responsibility and so are decisions made around childcare. So i don't think it's unreasonable, as he must have a reason for declining. Could you not take the annual leave on your half of the 50/50 arrangement instead?

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boymum1111 · 13/05/2025 22:15

oh sorry didn't see your update. Courts favour good relationships for the children with extended family and their support. And this sounds like the child's usual routine

Original poster

ALClark · 13/05/2025 22:24

Yes he has her this week Tuesday & Wednesday. But why should my child be with someone else when her mum is free to have her? The day my mum has her when I have annual leave she wouldn’t, I also take her out of nursery to give her a break also. I’m not impacting his time with her as advised to meet on his way to work to get her and drop her back for when he arrives home.
I’ve also given him plenty of notice that I have the time off.
there was no reason given and I can’t see what reason there could be to prevent a parent spending time with there own child when they are at work?
50/50 is hard for all parents right, know one wants to not see there children everyday which is why I would always offer him to have her for example if I needed to work away on my nights instead of getting childcare. If he couldnt then course childcare is the option.
And if he took a week off work and spend time with her I would never refuse if I was at work and she was with a childminder or my parent.
maybe it’s just me but I always feel a child if they can be should be with parents?

OP posts:

NuffSaidSam · 13/05/2025 22:29

I think he wants to keep her routine consistent and that's fair enough or maybe his parents have plans with her.

Why don't you take some time off on your days and avoid this issue?

boymum1111 · 13/05/2025 22:35

did you book pre-school on his day ? without his agreement ?

Jamfirstest · 13/05/2025 22:39

This aggro will stop as soon as she goes to school don't worry. I recall something similar donkeys years ago when dd1 was little at nursery.

Original poster

ALClark · 13/05/2025 22:52

I really hope so it’s one thing after the other atm. I don’t get why people are so bitter. We share a child we should be able to just talk amicably and both see that’s time with parents is important when we are both full time workers.

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Bigfatsunandclouds · 13/05/2025 23:12

Well you know your answer when he asks for the same OP. What will he do when he wants to take her on holiday? Or you do? I think he's being unreasonable here, of course it's in the best interests of the child to be with either parent if they are available.

Not sure what you can do other than pointing out the obvious in terms of holidays and being flexible is in both of your interests.

Original poster

ALClark · 13/05/2025 23:21

Thanks! You feel like your going crazy sometimes when people think a child is better off with other people than there own parents.

she always went to my sisters on a Wednesday and when we went to court it states she needs to be dropped off to childcare that’s in place. He doesn’t do that says she is now to stay with him mum and dad with not asking me. One week he only has her on a Tuesday night and he is meant to return her to my sister in the morning he now demands I pick her up at a meeting point at 4:30 I don’t finish work until 5 lol. Thankfully my sister has been helping me out with collections. Someone above said about consistency he doesn’t care about that it’s just all about control no compromise.

OP posts:

Bigfatsunandclouds · 13/05/2025 23:36

ALClark · 13/05/2025 23:21

Thanks! You feel like your going crazy sometimes when people think a child is better off with other people than there own parents.

He sounds controlling and if he wants to go down that route I would be sticking rigidly to the court order. No meeting him at a place he wants, he drops her at your sister's, no his parents if it's your day and you've arranged childcare. Play him at his own game and do so via a parenting app.

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