In-laws!!!

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Azandme · 13/05/2025 20:13

No it's not wrong, but what were they saying?

AmIHumanOrAmIAYeti · 13/05/2025 20:14

Sounds like a perfect plan to me.

DaisyChain505 · 13/05/2025 20:30

As a first time parent you may be feeling overly touchy about the whole situation. That’s not to say that they weren’t out of order but they may have not realised how critical they were being.

You need to decide if this is worth ruining your whole relationship with them over?

You may think the way they acted now is a huge deal but what if in a few years time when the early parenting madness has settled you realise you may have over reacted but you’ve already ruined the relationship?

What did your DH say about it all?

sheknowsitstoolate · 13/05/2025 20:31

I wouldn’t go

Cognacsoft · 13/05/2025 20:37

Your dh should tell his parents to keep their opinions to themselves and that you’ll meet up when they can do so.
Unless one of my dgc is in danger I keep quiet.

BlossomMoon · 13/05/2025 20:38

These people are going to be in your life for an awful long time. As your Son gets older there will be a situation where your husband and son go to visit or to family events, and you won't be included. Do you think you could deal with that situation long-term?
I guess it would depend what kind of things they were saying. New grandparents can be a bit full on especially if it's the first time you've been away together and spent a lot of time in each others company.
If they're coming in June, could you not just meet up and go home.
It'll be a lot less pressure than a holiday.

EatMoreChocolate44 · 13/05/2025 20:40

I think it's important to make an effort with your husband's family especially if they apologised and hopefully won't criticise in future. People love to judge and 'give advice' on parenting. Doesn't mean they are bad people (hopefully). Give them a chance and if it the criticism contains then you can re-evaluate.

YourKindGoldFox · 13/05/2025 21:09

Mbag · 13/05/2025 20:10

I have a one year old son and we recently went away for the week with my husband's parents. While we were away the in laws criticised my parenting to a point where I said something as I couldn't have a whole week of it. I got a sort of apology but I was still pretty pissed off.
They are now coming to stay in our area for a week in June and want to meet up. I really DO NOT want to see them. Is it wrong if I don’t meet them and just let my husband take our son to see them. I get little time to myself and don't want to spend it with them and their opinions.

sorry you was made to feel that way. Critisism feels hurtful especially from family and in laws your within your right to feel like you would prefer some you time :)

Original poster

Mbag · 14/05/2025 07:50

My in laws live down south and we are in the north so we usually only meet every few months anyway.
My son has never slept through the night
Awake every 3-4 hours, but that's another story! So the in laws were questioning his sleep. Why do I still go in and sooth him when he cries? Why has he got a white noise machine? Why is he in a sleeping bag? Then criticising the food we are giving him and asking why we bought so much with us?! Then the way the cottage was laid out, when I'd gone to bed they were still criticising and saying I should be doing XYZ and I could hear everything. I just wanted to take my son and leave as I felt like it was an attack on me and my parenting skills.

Then the day after we were out and about. I'm usually quite strict about my sons napping in the day in the hope he'll sleep better at night. Father in law thought he could skip a nap and go to bed later. I said that doesn't work as weve tried doing that before. He didn't listen my son screamed from 3pm-6pm as he was over tired and then wouldn't go down for a nap. Why does he think he knows best? It was that evening I lost it and said something.
The in laws are over in June for a week. So I'll probably end up seeing them at some point. I just really don't want to spend the whole day with them. And I'm not preventing them from seeing their grandson. I just don't want to be around!

OP posts:

OtterMummy2024 · 14/05/2025 08:05

My in laws and parents kept telling me it didn't matter if the baby wouldn't nap. Then they had to experience an over tired, hysterical baby at bed time, and that shut both sets right up. Now when I say the baby needs a nap, they respect it.

AmeliaHarbottle · 14/05/2025 08:09

I think don’t go on holiday with them again. Limit the amount of time you spend with them but go with your husband and keep the visit short. If they start to criticise, agree with your husband that you’ll both leave, inventing an excuse. If you just keep leaving if they start criticising they’ll get the picture.

SilverButton · 14/05/2025 08:11

How about a compromise? If they're around for a week they'll probably want to see you more than once. You could go to some of the meet ups and let DH take DC to others. That way you get a little break and don't have to put up with them for so long, but you're not ignoring them completely.

I can see their comments were annoying, but not in "go no contact" territory.

TasWair · 14/05/2025 08:17

I think that you're all still finding your feet as an extended family. They don't know you well enough to know how open you are to suggestions, and you don't know them well enough to know how much judgment there is in their words. I wouldn't be offended if my PIL wanted me and DC to have better sleep and had any tips regarding that. I think stuff like "why did you bring so much food?" is just an observation really.

I think you were really sensible to let them know you were pissed off, and they were very reasonable to apologise. You all have a better idea of one another's boundaries now. I would treat this as a reset and go and meet them in June with a healthy, open mindset.

thepariscrimefiles · 14/05/2025 12:05

Mbag · 14/05/2025 07:50

My in laws live down south and we are in the north so we usually only meet every few months anyway.
My son has never slept through the night
Awake every 3-4 hours, but that's another story! So the in laws were questioning his sleep. Why do I still go in and sooth him when he cries? Why has he got a white noise machine? Why is he in a sleeping bag? Then criticising the food we are giving him and asking why we bought so much with us?! Then the way the cottage was laid out, when I'd gone to bed they were still criticising and saying I should be doing XYZ and I could hear everything. I just wanted to take my son and leave as I felt like it was an attack on me and my parenting skills.

Then the day after we were out and about. I'm usually quite strict about my sons napping in the day in the hope he'll sleep better at night. Father in law thought he could skip a nap and go to bed later. I said that doesn't work as weve tried doing that before. He didn't listen my son screamed from 3pm-6pm as he was over tired and then wouldn't go down for a nap. Why does he think he knows best? It was that evening I lost it and said something.
The in laws are over in June for a week. So I'll probably end up seeing them at some point. I just really don't want to spend the whole day with them. And I'm not preventing them from seeing their grandson. I just don't want to be around!

Did they apologise and take on board that they had behaved badly and stop doing it for the rest of the holiday or did they just brush it off?

What did your DH say when they spent all day and all evening criticising the way you parent? Did they just blame you or did they criticise their son as well?

I can understand why you don't want to spend any time with them as it doesn't sound enjoyable at all. Is your DH OK with you not going or will it cause a row with his parents?

Original poster

Mbag · 14/05/2025 12:26

Thanks for your advice and comments everyone 😊

I'm definitely not going on holiday again with them and I think setting some boundaries with my husband before they come over is a good idea. That way if his parents overstep we can say something without it escalating as I can't never see them again (as much as I wish I could!!)

And my father in law leant that my son NEEDS his afternoon nap. He also kept quiet after that!

OP posts:

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