I am a bit annoyed about this

[WinkyWinkola]

DS has a friend from his NCT group. They spend one afternoon a week together socially with the NCT group. They also spend one afternoon together at nursery. They are quite close. They bicker a lot. It gets quite bad. We two mums decided they shouldn't spend so much time together as it was driving us mad.

When picking up DS from nursery today, a mum, that I've only met once before, came over to me and said she felt very sorry for him at a party yesterday. Apparently the father of his friend had been mean to him by taking toys off him to give to his DS. The mother was amazed and appalled. She said that DS was frightened and crept away, upset to find DH. She said that she felt she should say something to me not wanting to have said something yesterday at a child's party in case a scene erupted.

The woman said that DS was playing with a feet toy, his friend came and took it off him, DS took one of the feet back and that's when the father stepped in and was apparently mean

I really want to telephone the father of DS's friend and tell him that if he wants to bully small boys then he should come and see me, I'll sort out any urges he has in that respect. .

What would you do bearing in mind I'm really cheesed off and that we meet weekly? I don't mind not meeting weekly or ever again TBH but I do mind parents thinking they can be mean to my son and I want to scare this man like he scared my DS. Am I being a prat and a vigilante mum and of course over reacting!!@!!

sounds like nursery mum is stirring. ask your DH about what happened at the party before you evening consider phoning the dad and accusing him of bullying. How old is your DS btw.

Why would she be stirring? I don't know her from Adam. DS is three.

DH didn't see the incident. He only knew DS was upset when he came to him.

It's a bit of a strange thing for another mother to tell you. And it's very hard for you to judge if you didn't see what happened yourself. It's very possible that the father didn't see what happened and he thought he was acting appropiately.

I would probably leave it.

unfortunately don't think theres anything you can do now. you didn't see it, dh didn't see it so you'll be acting on hearsay. u only have her word he was being mean and u say yourself u dont know her, kids can be upset just by being looked at by an adult they don't know

its the kind of thing that should have been dealt with at the time. nothing will be gained by having a go at someone for something u didnt see.

i would leave well alone but keep an eye out for this man if you meet up in another social situation

what will you gain by phoning him up and telling him off - he'll either get really cross or be really offended - and you didn't see it yourself, nor did dh - you would be working on gossip and heresay

you are asssuming that this woman got the right side of the story - neither you nor your dh witnessed it, she could have misunderstood or misinterpreted anyway

i'd forget it

Can't I mention it to DS's friend's mother tomorrow in a conversation when I'm calm.

Something along the lines of, "Do you know I had the strangest conversation yesterday. Someone told me etc etc.. . . "
No, I know you're going to tell me to leave it. I think it's best as I didn't see the incident.

But what do you do in general if you don't see the incident and the child is upset? Pretend it didn't happen?

Most likely situation is that X saw your DS taking a toy from his DS, hadn't seen the earlier part of the incident where his DS had taken the toy from yours, and waded in to defend his PFB (I am guessing the boy is a PFB). I'd leave well alone, frankly -- perhaps you and/or your DH could keep an extra eye on X at other social events just in case it's part of a pattern, but anything more would be an overreaction.

I really sympathise but I agree with what most posters have said - leave alone.

My dd (4) has a similar "friendship" with a child who happens to be about 6 months older. Friend's mum often (genuinely) doesn't see the friend give my dd a sly slap/push or similar. Irritatingly she often manages to see dd retaliate and/or report friend to me, and then jumps in telling her not to hit her dd or "tell tales"

On the odd occasion that she has witnessed her dd being mean, she just tells her to say sorry, which the girl does with a big smirk as she has got away with it. On one occasion dd was bitten and I did report it to the mother as there was clear evidence, i.e. teeth marks.

I think the trick is to weigh up the pros and cons of staying friends, and also to accept that even if you end this friendship you will come up against this again with someone else.

As your child is not bothered now, you shouldn't be. Shit happensand some paretns are useless when it comes to fair play, but rise above it. You will look silly if you atke them time to phone over 'feet toys'. I have many ex friends like this!!!

You're all right. I'm just annoyed because the thought of some big man being horrible to my DS makes my blood boil.

Their precious only DS can do no wrong. Ever. Like he's a three year old Dalai Lama or something.

And the mother shouted at my DS last week for peeling a sticker off a toy - "You've ruined his favourite toy!"

We left at that point! I think the friendship is over but there's no need for a scene.

Content yourself with the knowledge that their little prince will probably be a royal pain in the butt in a few years time.

I bet you anything that the Dad just saw your DS take the toy off his son and took it back saying something like 'take turns' etc.
It would be a perfectly acceptable thing to do if he hadnt seen his son take the toy first.

You never know, the lady who told you the story may not even have seen the whole thing. Perhaps your son was taking toys off the other boy before she started watching them?

I'd definitely leave it.

Eeek, I have a DD too. Oh no. Now I'm going to PFB forever. I thought I'd left that behind. Never mind. At least I didn't do anything about it, Starlight, and you're right, it's good training for the DCs to cope in the future.

Well, I'm fine now. I think it's because DS isn't bothered by it as someone said. So I'm not.

Thank you once again, Mnetters for your wise words.