Child's surname change?

[WorthyOtter]

My partner's daughter has always had his surname, but lately keeps calling herself by her mum's surname. We've asked her and she says this is now her name but obviously she's too young for us to keep questioning her. Partner isn't on great talking terms with his ex so isn't something he wants to discuss with her YET. were just wondering is there a way we can find out what her official name is? Could the ex have changed this without him knowing? Does this affect CMS that he pays? He is on the birth certificate, or was at least. Thanks!

You can't legally change there name without the other parents permission, also both parents need to the sign the deed poll and you also have to have a witness.

I suspect that mum has told school that her dd is known as new surname but is legally old surname.

The only way that Cm would change is a DNA test saying that dd isn’t his. Her surname doesn’t mean that your h isn’t her dad - I think that a lot of divorced mums regret using dad’s surname rather than double barreling because it looks like she’s not mum on paper.

It would be nice for sd if your partner suggested that her legal surname is changed to double barrelled.

Yes, this would be a perfect solution

If he isn't on great talking terms with his ex why does he not suggest that the child's surname be hyphenated so she has her current surname which is her Dad's and also her Mum's surname? I am sure if the boot was on the other foot he would like his daughter to have his name too.

Surely that would be a nice gesture. If it is what his DD wants anyway.

No, she cannot legally change her DD's name. In school his DD could probably call herself what she likes but it wouldn't be official. A bit like a Thomas calling himself Tom, it will be on the register as Tom, his tray, his hook but within the system he will be down as Thomas.

Up until the age of 16 they need both parents permission to change a surname

How old is she? What surname would she like to have? If she’s 4, she probably has no idea. If she’s closer to 8, she probably has more a sense of identity and an idea of what she’d like to be called.

If she lives with her mum and mum is her primary parent, it makes good practical sense for her to have the same surname. I wouldn’t double barrel it unless it’s what she really wants, it puts her in a ridiculous situation if she gets married of being forced to change her name or have a triple barrelled name 🙄 if she wants to add her partner’s name.

Why would it make any difference to CM? He’s would still be her father just like her mother is still her mother without having the same surname.

she can’t do it without his permission and given she was there when it was decided to give her fathers name I think it’s unreasonable for her to pretend to dd it’s over-wise just because they aren’t together anymore,

Thanks everyone. She's 8. He hasn't asked her what he wants her surname to be, because we didn't want to cause any issues before we knew what was actually going on, we weren't sure if it was something that could be done without his permission. Double barrel sounds good. She is mostly with her mum but partners a bit upset with the fact she seems to have changed her name

Did your partner consider how his ex feels about having a different surname to her child ? She might have agreed when they were together but I think a lot of people would prefer to share a surname.

No but that's not the point. If it was something she discussed with him then he might consider, but it was more the fact of can she do it without his permission

No but that's not the point. If it was something she discussed with him then he might consider, but it was more the fact of can she do it without his permission

The child may have done this all by herself. At 8 she will be very aware of her Mum's last name and what name she has. My friend's DD did this with no input from the Mum because my friend had remarried so her, her Dh and her step children all shared the same name (the new husband's) and she had her Dad's name. The kick off from the bio Dad would have been epic so never something my friend would have wanted. We found out at the same time because she brought a piece of work out of school and she had written her full name on it because there were 3 Emilys in the class. Turns out she had been doing it for months in school.

I think you are coming at this from an accusatory angle which I can understand if relations are not great with the Mum. Maybe instead think of the child in all of this. She probably does want her Mum's name. Do you have children? Would you want your children to have your name? When I married I changed my hard to say/spell name to Dh's because it was easier and I wanted our children to have one surname.

At the end of the day it doesn't matter how this came about. Your partner should just ask her does she want to add Mum's name to hers? That simple, no digging, no questioning. Then approach the Mum and ask her if she wants to do it officially. Stop pitting yourselves against her. It isn't winning or losing, it is providing a stable upbringing for your DSD.

@Snorlaxo is right. This is the point.

We haven't accused anyone. As I said, it's not something we've took any further at this point, we are simply curious BEFORE we do go accusing anyone. We do have a son together, he doesn't have my surname because we're not married so I totally get it, we're now getting a move on planning wedding so I can have the same name (been engaged a while). As I said, it's not that he has an issue with her having mum's name, he just wasn't aware and would like to have been informed if it had. I suspect after reading everyone's replies that it's just something they say, rather than it being legal

But your reply to snolaxo literally says that the child having a different surname to her Mum is not the point and it is. You have put yourself in the exact same position. You have given your child a name which isn't yours and should something happen where you don't get married, will never be yours. The Mum probably had the same thoughts you do, that someday I will get married and share the name. Relationships break down, people die.

As you have already admitted that the relationship between your partner and the Mum isn't the best I imagine that the Mum didn't feel she could even broach the subject with him. He is already upset at her changing her name, I assume you mean he is upset at his ex, not his DD but as I said it could easily be something she did herself. I worked a lot in year 4 in a school. where children changed their names to match their Mums. As you know children have a strong bond with their Mother.

There is literally no accusing to do. Your partner asks his DD if she wants her Mum's name added and go from there. There is no legal route the Mum can take to change the name without his explicit consent even in the most dire of cases. I believe courts do not look kindly on removing a name but adding a name makes sense.

No, it won’t affect CM, sorry.

It wasn't the point of my post. My post was literally to ask if there was anyway of changing a surname without his permission, nothing more than that. You told me I was coming in an accusatory angle so I said I wasn't. My post has been answered now!