Dealing with friends with conflicting methods. Help!!

[candycupcakes]

Please can I ask how you deal with family/ friends who have different parenting ideas to your own.

I have a friend who belittles my ideas. She makes me feel like I wrap my son up in cotton wool, and that I will make life hard for him when he grows up (mainly because she doesnt like our co-sleeping) She says its weird and not right and will have bad comeback on my child. In turn, this makes me worried and guilty and I then question 'Am I doing the wrong thing'. All I want is a happy and healthy child.

My son is quite laid back, but occassionally her daughter will play roughly with my son. He is only 1.5 years old and sometimes will get upset if he doesnt understand why she is pushing him around and wont stop. My friends answer to this is to put my child into nursery! I dont work though, and dont want to put him into care. I know he will be pick up more social skills when he starts nusery (pre school).

I lack confidence, and take it very personal when my friend suggests I am doing things the wrong way. She is very head strong and belittles me. I worry I am going to explode one day.

I would like to hear from any mums who have been in a similar situation (esp those who co-sleep)

Thank you.

I don't tell people we co sleep, because I don't want to hear people's opinions, but I do have one close friend who has a parenting 'style' similar to mine, and it helps having her to talk to.

As for your friend - do you gain anything positive out of your friendship with her? It sounds like all she is doing is making you lack confidence - she doesn't sound like much of a friend!

If she starts on you, just say 'I know you don't agree, but lets just agree to differ - it works for us' then quickly change the subject. If you refuse to be drawn, then she'll give up eventually.

Of course, I'd say that a friend who belittles you, isn't really a friend though.

Most of my friends think I'm loopy for having bf for nearly 2 years, co-sleeping for a long time, and not doing cc.

I would be tempted to stop seeing this friend. I think that very few mums are super confident that they are getting it right all the time, I truely believe most of us muddle through the best we can and pray its good enough. Life is a messy business and I think if a child is safe loved, well fed and rested really that is all that matters in the end.

She sounds dreadful. No friend would treat you like that. It doesn't matter whether she agrees with your parenting choices or not, she should keep her opinions to herself.

I have found it really good to go to LLL meetings (you can do it even if not BF), as you meet so many people who co sleep and it is more the norm there. When you know a few more people who do, you tend not to be on the defensive so much with people who don't and who are anti.

ooh, I have a friend a bit like that.

They are so lucky to have their crystal balls and see into the future of our children, hey?

Her eldest is slightly older than mine, and I used to look to her for guidance, and how to do this parenting malarky. But I found there was an awful lot I saw her do that I didn't like.

Now mine are a little older and I have more confidence I realise that I am actually really proud of how my children are growing up, and so many people say they are a credit to me.

So you stick to your guns, nod politely and say nothing. Just know you are doing it how you want to.

Oh, and I co-sleep

This 'friend' sounds like she is not confident in her own parenting choices to me. So what if your parenting style is different to hers? It shouldn't bother her. It sounds like she's a bit jealous and insecure. Rather than say, 'My dd is a bit rough I wonder what I can do about that?' she is insisting that her parenting style is the correct one and that your ds needs to toughen up a bit. Ignore her.