Reaching my limit - feeling alone. Colic etc.

[GoldenRetriever1]

I am reaching my limit. I have a 3 month old, who hasn’t been comfortable since birth. She does have some random happy wake windows with smiles and babbling, but it seems like most of the day and night is just pacifying crying and discomfort. I’m absolutely exhausted and haven’t had a stint of sleep longer than 2/3 hours since she was born. She’s also had a dry cough since she was born - only does it when she uses her vocal cords or cries. She’s putting on weight really well and visually looks very healthy (no rashes or anything).

Exclusively breastfed, vaginal birth on due date, IVF baby, healthy parents. We’ve been to the hospital three times, the GP three times and it’s all the usual “colic, reflux, wait it out, Gaviscon, infacol, gripe water, colief, it’ll get better” situation. We don’t want to switch to formula or give her any more medication. I’ve tried cutting out a whole spectrum of foods (cows milk protein, dairy, eggs, soy etc.). She’s had 10 chiropractic sessions, probiotics, baby massage course, white noise, the lot. Is there a problem or is this her personality?

I’m almost not looking for advice on what to do or on a diagnosis. I just want to feel seen and not alone in this. All of my friend’s babies don’t seem to act this way. I cannot understand what I have done. I feel like I’m losing my mind and I’m just constantly sad/angry. Post partum is hard enough as it is and having a difficult baby is just icing on the cake. Who am I anymore? I don’t know. Sorry for the essay.

My daughter had colic. I was ready to throw her out of the window at times, I was so exhausted, upset and frustrated. She was breastfed.
Fortunately I had a relative that would sleep over a couple of days a week and tend to her during the night so I got some rest (DH worked away, only home weekends)
However I went back to work after 3 months so she had to get used to a bottle - I still breastfed in the evenings/weekends but she had formula during the days on weekdays and the colic cleared up. Her poo also became less runny and she was less windy. I assumed that the formula took longer to digest and caused less wind and her stomach was more settled - but it could simply have been that she grew out of it!

Good luck!

My DD was the same OP, it’s hell. Nothing worked we tried everything. It really was just a case of she grew out of it. I very nearly lost my mind. She’s 8 now and still hard work! Sorry no advice but solidarity, it’s the worst time

I was going to say this too, one day it just stopped, she'd grown out of it.

None of my friends understood how soul destroying it was. Their babies weren't like it

My daughter was like this she does have multiple food allergies but also severe silent reflux that only responds to the highest dose of reflux meds. She has been on infant gaviscon since 6 weeks, omperazole since 8 weeks and domperidone since 8 months she's now nearly 5 and unfortunately hasn't outgrown it.
I understand not wanting to medicated tiny babies, it wasn't an easy decision for us but without medication she had no quality of life and by 4 months with it not being adequately treated (she was 18 weeks before being on the necessary dose as the GP wasn't moving her up the dosage) and she had developmental delays due to the distress from reflux and allergies within weeks of adequate treatment and identifying her main allergens she was perfectly average!

My eldest was exactly as you describe as a baby. It broke me too and led to PPD.

5 years on, he is still an extremely sensitive child who feels things deeply, has a crazy sense of justice and cries easily. He’s also ridiculously clever and needs a lot of mental and physical stimulation to stay regulated. He’s wonderful, but doesn’t have an ounce of chill and is very hard work. A lot harder work than my easy baby who has turned into a chilled out child.

Hindsight is a wonderful thing, but I think his personality now explains why he was so unsettled as a baby. He did get easier with every developmental milestone and was actually extremely sunny as a toddler when he cracked walking and talking.

Hang on in there x

My first was very difficult for the whole of her first year and she's now the most joyful four year old! My second is now 8 months and I haven't had more than 4 hours of sleep in a row since she was born as she is extremely gassy (I too have tried all the solutions...). Also ebf. She's sunnier than the first one was as a baby, but I remember how grumpy my first one was so I feel your pain! Anything you can do to make your life easier / share the load? I always find my children much easier if I've done something for myself that I love, e.g., for me it's swimming. Hang in there, it will get better!!

Also, please try not to compare babies! There will be times when yours is "doing better" and times when someone else's is. Parenting is a long old journey...... I also know quite a few mums who had "easy" first babies and "tricky" second ones, and I'm very thankful my second is less work as a baby than my first at least!

Have you cut soya out of your diet? I'm not sure when you say you've cut soy out if you mean soya milk - 50% of babies with a dairy allergy also have a soy allergy - that said your throwing everything at it in the hope that something will work. If you think its due to a food allergy then can you pay privately to see a paedeatric allergies consultant? it would be pretty hard to get your GP to refer you on the NHS but your local private hospital will probably have one that works for both the NHS/Private. In the meantime I used a triangle shaped pillow on top of the mattress but under the sheet so that DD's head was ever so slightly raised which helped, if you type colic pillow into amazon you'll see what I mean.

First thing I would do is cut out the chiro. Baby chiro is complete nonsense and is borderline abusive.

my son had reflux. We went on the medication, worked absolute wonders for him. We went on losec. If you have tried gaviscon ect that’s the next step. It’s not forever generally just til they are walking.

@Neodymium My chiropractor is a friend and specialises in neonatal. Her approach is incredibly gentle, just massage and no snapping and popping. Thank you for the message though.

And everyone else, it pains me that you have been through this as well.. but it’s reassuring to know I’m not alone.

Some babies just have no chill, and it's not something people getting the stereotypical newborn phase will ever understand.

My first was very like this. I took them to the GP so many times & kept getting told there was no issue because they gained weight and didn't do purple crying. Which, they only didn't do because they lived in a sling for the first few months. I was touched out, exhausted & overwhelmed.

Once their teeth cut (early, right at the 3 months mark) and they started being able to move independently things got so much easier. Turns out they're just a very adventurous child! So clever, beyond sweet, and all go. From then on it's been dreamy.

Having my DC2 really showed how hard the newborn stage was with DC1 actually. I had almost believed the GP constantly telling me there was no problem but my anxiety. It was a breeze second time around - they have very different personalities but are the best of friends.

It does get easier, and I hope that happens for you soon. 💐

It's hard when your baby is unsettled and you don't know why, some babies are for no apparent reason. Have you got a sling op? she might be more comfortable upright and close to you?
Waking 2-3 hourly is very normal, but hard when other babies are sleeping for longer stints. My breastfed child didn't sleep through til over 12 maths, which is actually very normal, but hard!
Carrying in a sling can really help so apologies if you already use one but if not give it a go.