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Parenting

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Original poster

does anyone else find the toddling years REALLY hard?

41 replies

ruby7 · 19/05/2008 13:42

i had PND when my little one was born, and i thought that was hard, but now he's 3.5 it's absolutely exhausting! i'm totally guilt-ridden about not playing with him enough etc, but he is so demanding, wanting attention all the time, wanting to play imaginary games, such an energetic and happy little soul, and all i want to do is lie on the sofa and stare at the ceiling. i'm so knackered and such a bad mum. shouldn't i be loving this?! and everyone keeps saying it's time for another one!?

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francagoestohollywood · 19/05/2008 16:28

What puts me off having a third child is that span of time between 12 months and 2 yr of age.
Actually, ds, my first, was quite a lovely toddler, at least a huge improvement from the constantly crying baby he used to be.

Dd, a placid baby, became incredibly active at around 12 months. Those months were quite hard, also because there are just 22 months between my two.
Dd has been rather delightful since she was 2 and a half

Miggsie · 19/05/2008 16:29

YES
YEs
YES

Oh GOD YES!

I found myself actively hating her.
She could not help it.
I did not let her know.

She is now a little person rather than a mass of tantrums and demands, so much better.

DH has stopped grinding his teeth.

swiftyknickers · 19/05/2008 16:36

god i have just had a breakdown in funky monkeys-he has been utterly horrid all day and he keptpushing his friends-he s now lay on the sofa sad and tired. the worst thing is is he is punishing me as had a weekend away and testing me, i keep rising to the bait too

i adore him and he is generally ADORABLE but by god i cant wait for bedtime!

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wingandprayer · 19/05/2008 17:45

Yes, have exactly the same fears as you Ruby7. DD goes to nursery & have lovely support of GP's while I work 3 days and I feel like the world's worst mum because when it comes to my days in control the last thing I want to do is spend it playing Dora/Peppa/fairies/refereeing for DS for the whole day. I was wondering whether it's a legacy of PND as I just have enormous guilt and fear about not enjoying wall to wall toddler activities. I love and adore my DD but she drives me mental. My fear is that I mean this literally. I look at her having a great time with other people and feel so so sad that I just can't seem to be part of that, can't be more chilled out about the stuff that gets me het up, cos none of it really matters, even I see that.

deaftowhingeing · 20/05/2008 09:52

I hate all those mindless toddler games and hate myself more because of it.. They're soo boring and yet dh absolutely loves it. Still, he only has to do it at w/e!!

I really try to do fun things with them but get so frustrated when they paint for 5 minutes & it takes 3 hours to clean up afterwards!! And the baking.... you can't help but want them to get it right even though they really don't care whether the gingerbread man looks like a person or not.....

I was speaking to one of my lecturers about this kind of thing some time ago. She was saying that she went back to work ft when her dcs were little & believes that she has a very good relationship with them now (they're grown-up now) BECAUSE she went to work and therefore didn't resent them. I think there's probably something in that. I really want to enjoy my children at this age (pre-school) but actually think I'll probably enjoy them much more when they're bigger.

Sorry that was really long and I think pointless

cory · 20/05/2008 10:07

Mine are now 8 and 11, and I definitely found the age of 3 harder than any other age so far. Incredibly demanding, needing lots of attention but no longer compliant, always struggling to know how much it was fair to ask of them. It gets better! It really does! Even though ds has hit a bit of a stroppy stage, it's still easier to deal with a big boy who take himself off to play with a friend.

cory · 20/05/2008 10:10

Also, quite frankly, I found a lot of the things you do with 3 year olds really really boring. Lots more fun activities when they're older.

My salvation was to identify a few things that I enjoyed doing with dc's and pat myself on the back with those. I am no good with crafts, but I enjoy reading aloud and I have a reasonably good singing voice, so I told myself that that's good enough then. And I let the playschool and childminder deal with the activities I hated.

lucyellensmum · 20/05/2008 10:16

YES YES YES YES YES

I thought i was knackered when DD was a baby - I NOW know the meaning of the word tired - i honestly think i should return to work just for a bloody rest. My mother popped round for a few minutes yesterday - she had to stay for an hour because as soon as i sat down on the sofa i was asleep! !!

I think we all feel like this ruby. Are you still on meds for PND? I am, im not sure i could cope without them!

TheDuchessOfNorksBride · 20/05/2008 10:31

I'll take toddlers over babies anyday. I really am not looking forward to the next year or so as I'm now so used to fairly independent children who use loo's and ask for what they need and eat themselves and don't put their hands in the dog bowl or crawl into the fireplace ...

peanutbear · 20/05/2008 10:34

I will swap your babies for my toddler

Minkus · 20/05/2008 10:49

Yes, ds is no longer a toddler at 3.5 but it is soooo much more tiring for me now than when he was a baby. I find that parenting is getting harder as he gets older not easier!

Guess though that to begin with you are responding mainly to their pysical needs with a bit of their emotional demands thrown in- but now it's the other way round. Physical tiredness is one thing, emotional exhaustion is entirely another for me. I agree with those who are bored with childrens games- some days if I have to pretend to be a mummy lego fireman again whilst ds is the baby lego fireman and needs rescuing by Sportacus I might just pop into a big sticky mess!

It's really sad that I now look forward to doing the food shopping as dh hates doing it and it means I might get 1.5 hrs alone- bliss!

IorekByrnison · 20/05/2008 11:35

Ruby I've been having the same thoughts this morning. Had a horrible and chaotic time today trying to get dd ready for childminder and myself ready for work. A particularly low point was when I discovered her brushing her teeth with marmite ("don't like toothpaste!"). Many contrary and whiny demands later and I was having to carry her kicking and screaming to cm just to get her there. I was so stressed and shouty I might as well have been a toddler myself. I felt like an utter failure by the time I dropped her off.

So not much useful advice here, but I certainly sympathise. I do think though that it's hardest when it's just the two of you alone in the house - easier when there's some external kind of entertainment like other kids/playground etc, so might worth trying to force yourself to get out when you can even if you don't much feel like it. And you're not a bad mum - if he is "an energetic and happy little soul" that's down to you, so you have done brilliantly.

On the depression, are you having any treatment currently? Try to keep in mind that it is a treatable condition that many of us go through at one time or another. It is absolutely not your fault. I think that one of the nastiest aspects of depression is that the condition makes us feel as though we have somehow brought it on ourselves. It isn't true. Recognising that it's not your fault and that you can get help can in itself be a major step towards feeling happier again.

Keep us posted on how it's all going.

Thankyouandgoodnight · 20/05/2008 14:32

Two people with 3 children each have said to me that the haze lifts when the youngest is 4 ish....and they feel like humans again

ScoobyDoo · 20/05/2008 14:36

Oh blimey yes give me a baby anyday my dd is 2.4 & we have been in utter nightmare mode since about 1.6 years, the tantrums & screaming are bad at the moment & it quite honestly wears me down! I can't wait till the frustration goes & when we are out of this stage my life will be heaven.

Ds is 5.6 & he is a walk in the park compared to dd, he has just got an answer for everything!

claraquitetirednow · 20/05/2008 20:21

I have a toddler (2.8) and a baby (5 mos) at the moment and I think the toddler is easier. Just. It's really hard looking after them both, although I will say that the baby is actually easier when my older dd is around as she entertains her.

cameroonmama · 20/05/2008 20:31

my ds1 has just turned 4 and now is much easier than 6 months ago, so take heart! He will play for hours with his Playmobil, on his bike outside and dressing up. Often on his own, or with his older sis when she is around. I find him easy, now. But then I have a one year old who has just started walking and getting stroppy when he doesn't get his own way.

I think boys at this age go through a testosterone surge, a lot of racing around and lots of energy. We spent a lot of time at the park, scooters, bikes, climbing. I would say to him, I will play with you til x then you must play on your own until y, then we shall do x together. That seemed to work. Hope it gets easier.

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