Looking for advice and support

[Madmum75]

Hi. I've realised that I need to make changes in my life for both myself and my 13 year old child to improve both of our lives. I've had a lot of abuse, neglect and negativity since early childhood which I know has shaped the person I am now. My child is female to male transgender who I'm extremely proud and supportive of. But our relationship is not a parent/child relationship. My son is extremely intelligent, polite, well behaved, independent and a hundred other positive things I could name. So I know I've raised him well. My problem is I don't seem to have the authority of being his parent. He doesn't do simple tasks I ask him to do (tidy his bedroom, put away his laundry, etc) but expects me to do things for him when he asks. He talks to me like I'm the child if he doesn't like something. And I've noticed other people undermine my parenting of him. I have a daughter who is 29 and she regularly berates me to my son and influences his opinion of me.
How can I make all the changes I need to without losing my son?

You might find Family Lives helpful, they offer free parenting classes.

The problem is you come from a dysfunctional background where you didn't experience healthy parenting. With children you need to be firm and consistent.

Children thrive when they know the rules and there are consequences. I'm wondering if their father was abusive because it looks like they're emulating his behaviour and you're at the bottom of the pile.

As well as the parenting classes above, you can read up on self esteem and assertiveness.

My son spent his early years seeing his father being controlling and coercive with me. I didn't see the signs of the abuse until I was out of the relationship.

I thought there might be abuse in the family. The problem is that your son is emulating his dad and treating you with the same contempt.