How hard is the first 6 months of parenting ?

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I know - different for everyone.
We havent had the pleasure of becoming parents yet.
Currently doing ivf.

Fully aware the first 6 months of parenting will be tricky.

Would be interested in hearing about peoples experiences and tips

Unless you get a baby with reflux or allergies or other health issues, which sounds very hard - the actual task of caring for a baby is fairly simple.

The hard thing is the total and utter way it turns your life upside down. Everything changes. It's hard to maintain links to your "old life" and relationships with friends who don't have children or whose children are older. Your sleep pattern is interrupted, leaving the house takes a measure of planning and preparing, you don't really get any breaks from feeling responsible. A supportive partner helps a lot with this but it's not like you can switch off when you're away from the baby, the weight of it is still there.

My tip would be not to get too sucked into social media. Try to meet other parents in real life. Social media content around parenting now is very anxiety inducing and unhelpful, IMO.

I did NCT classes and it was helpful to have that ready made group that I already had some relationship with to get through the first few months. Doesn't need to be NCT specifically but something set up in pregnancy where you keep it going.

I'd do the first 6 months all over again if it meant I didn't have to do 2.5-3!!

I found it very difficult with my first, he had reflux and would scream constantly.. we tried everything. The lack of sleep was also much worse than I thought it would be.
My second was a breeze. A quiet easy baby.

Ups and downs at all stages and it's different for everyone. I struggled hugely with my first in the early days yet knew others who sailed through. It's still the same now - I'm in a really good phase with my teens whereas my friend (who incidentally was a natural in the first weeks) is finding it a real challenge.

One thing that can happen if you go through fertility treatment is that if it isn't easy, it can feel worse if/when you have times of "what have we done??". That's a normal feeling and even though it's been a harder struggle for you to get there, it doesn't mean you have to find it amazing and magical all the time.

If you want to breastfeed - seek out local support groups when pregnant and visit them. Try to find out about your local baby groups - as someone who is very anxious about visiting new places, I found it helpful to find out parking/times/formats/costs in advance.

Wishing you so much luck on your journey.

It is a steep learning curve on no sleep. But it won't suddenly magically be no worries after six months. Lifelong different challenges.

If you tend to get anxious and catastrophise then try to work on that with mindfulness CBT techniques etc.

How do you fare when something goes wrong? Lost keys anything? Calm and look for solution or freak out? You can work on responses to stressful situations.

Our baby was a much wanted (went through hell to have) IVF baby.
I remember looking at DH when DC was 6 months old and saying ‘what have we done?’.
They never slept.
It was brutal for the first 6 years.
It got easier for a couple of years then, from high school onwards, has been hell. Still wouldn’t be without them and love them dearly. I was blessed 💕
Wishing you luck on your fertility journey op.

After spending most of my 20s reading peoples experiences on mn I expected it to be horrific horrendous hell on earth but when I actually had my kids it was way easier and more enjoyable than I expected.

If I only had to do the first 6 months of parenting I would have 1000 babies!

If I only had to do the first 6 months of parenting I would have 1000 babies!

I’ve said exactly that and never heard anyone else agree! My baby days are over but if I found one on the doorstep I’d definitely keep it. Maybe I can find a stork who’ll dish them out… I wasn’t good at pregnancy or delivery but I found my feet with newborns.

I loved the first 6 months with all of mine but my 3rd was pretty hard work!

The existential headfuckery of having my first is what made it so hard. And trippy. I felt like I'd woken up in someone else's life for so long

Absolutely depends on the baby!!

My first was a very uptight baby - the type who’d scare herself farting and then cry for an hour 🫠😂 That coupled with the fact that I had absolutely no idea what I was doing, I found her first 6 months really stressful. But once I stopped listening to all the unsolicited advice from everyone around me about what I “should” be doing and what DD “should” be doing, the stress eased massively.

My second has some complex medical needs. Everyone around me treated me like a I was a crazy person who’d completely lost the plot and kept telling me he just had “colic” 😵‍💫 He did not. Turns out he actually had several complex issues the Drs failed to diagnose over the course of the first 2 months of his life. That period was the hardest thing I’ve ever been through. I quite literally didn’t sleep for more than 40 minutes at a time for 2 months, and if DS was awake, he was screaming in pain and there was nothing I could do about it. Once he was diagnosed and we had a proper treatment and management plan in place, everything turned completely on its head. He was the happiest baby and generally really easy to take care of.

My third? I’m still convinced that she’s broken 🤷🏻‍♀️😂 From birth, she was the easiest baby ever. She was easy to feed, slept well, hardly ever cried. And she’s stayed pretty much the same since. I remember feeling like I was waiting for the other shoe to drop when her toddler years approached. I figured she’d been such an easy baby, she must turn into a horror toddler because no one gets it as easy as I’d had it up until then….but no. She was also an extremely chill toddler! To this day, I can count on one hand the number of tantrums she’s ever had - it’s almost like a tantrum is too much effort for her and she simply can’t be bothered with it 😂

I guess my point is that every baby is different - you can read all the parenting books in the world to prepare yourself and have an idea of how it’s all going to go….but your baby has not read the books 🤷🏻‍♀️ You have to learn YOUR baby, and what works for him/her and you together. And you’ll be bombarded with well-meaning advice from everyone around angle, but you have to trust your gut. If it feels wrong or like it’s not working for you, then you absolutely do not have to listen to Auntie Jean or your next door neighbour just because it worked for their babies.

I have a few dcs op (they are all older now) but honestly I think people focus too much on the newborn part and how bad it is. My babies were not “easy” but I found that part a billion times easier than toddler part and I find no one warns you about that !! Toddler fully mobile with zero concept of danger tantrums , screaming , running off , needing constant attention and supervision and often waking at night . My toddlers woke more than my babies and I had a solid routine, was organized, fine blah blah. Parenting is all up as downs op , there isn’t a time when it’s all “super easy” now in my opinion. There’s been so many moments that have literally given meaning to my life and I can’t even imagine life without them but it’s hard hard hard work all the way through (we have a few kids and no support though).
The newborn bit was an absolute doddle for us but that’s because we knew what having a toddler was like post our first 😂😂 Every parent and child are different though …

I think, prepare for the worst and you can't go wrong. I had a reflux cmpa first baby who didn't sleep for more than 45 minutes (followed by 2 hours of crying) all night for months. I was unprepared, failed to establish breastfeeding, and had a horrific cesarean recovery. My second baby (vbac) was healthy and easy, I loved our first 6 months. I'd prepared so much, watched so many breastfeeding videos of latches etc, and got her tongue tie cut on day 4 (hospital had a cancellation). That preparation helped me so much.

Depends on the baby’s temperament, whether they have feeding, sleeping, health issues and how well you recover from the birth and your mental health. Also demands on the support you have.

for me it was a breeze, honestly one of the easiest periods of parenting (dd a teenager now). Dd also conceived through ivf (first time so very lucky).

Amount of people I had tell me "do something nice for you like get your nails done". Like no, get the house cleaned, wash my hair properly, have 2 hours to myself... Just be sane.

You don't know what type of child you will get or how you will feel. It's a shock to the system

I don’t have a clear recollection of the first 6 months as I was so sleep starved.

I think babyhood is one of the easiest phases. I had one easy baby one not so easy, but of course there are other babies who never seem to sleep and cry a lot! You will have to wait and see!
But one thing: routine routine routine. I know some will say ‘there is no routine with a newborn’. But there is. You set it. Sure your baby won’t have a clue but eventually they will get it. This is what I did which kept me sane.
Baby woke up at X time - if not awake I’d wake them up. Naps as and when needed, whether out and about or at home (travel cot downstairs). Noise levels kept normal.
Bedtime routine started about 6.30 with a bath, story (even with a newborn, often made up) cuddles and feed then put down at 7.30 when still awake. Lights off I’m gone. At 11ish before I went to bed went in for sleepy feed, lights kept off. Down again. Baby would wake about 2-3ish for another feed. Then up at X hour to start the day. Once off to sleep by babies were pretty good at this, with only two or three occasions when I had to go in a few times. Then it would be reassuring pats/strokes gentle voice and try not to pick up unless bawling. It takes time and perseverance but it clicks after a few weeks and the result was I had an evening with my husband, I had content babies and I had a decent amount of sleep. The 2-3am feed was dropped first then the 11pm feed and they were more often than not sleeping through from about three months.
Oh and get out and about from the start - I joined a post natal group when my eldest was three weeks and got out for a walk every day.
If you can afford it get a cleaner in once a week or every other week.

It depends on the baby and how much support you have. We have no extra support.

First baby was colicky, refluxy and hated sleep and breastfeeding took a few weeks to get easier so it was incredibly difficult, especially the sleep deprivation. It was some of the darkest weeks of my life. Second baby many years later was content and easy going, slept in her own crib for up to 8 hours at a time and breastfeeding was a breeze so it was quite a relaxing enjoyable six months.

First baby total nightmare, didn’t sleep, screamed all day, breastfed constantly. I had PND was suicidal, health in tatters and ended with revision surgery from the traumatic birth.

Second baby was chilled and content, as long as fed happy. Birth totally different.

I think it is pot luck!

Everyone is different.

Pregnancy was horrific

First 2-3 weeks were bliss, even though I had a c section.

The next 2-3 months were an exercise in sleep deprivation torture (you expect a newborn deprivation, you don't expect to still only sleep in 90 minutes chunks at 3 months and still all naps to be contact naps, when your DH is back at work)

5-7 months = the best time of my life because easy baby + not mobile yet + slept loads

7-9 months a bit of a shock as baby started crawling and constantly teething so no rest in the day anymore and lots of waking at night. We have 8 teeth at 9 months now! I still love it though.

My tips are to really take care of yourself and get sleep whenever you can. Have a little caddy of your phone, the TV remotes, a book, a muslin, a drink and a snack that you have anytime you are stuck cluster feeding or with a baby asleep on you. Start a feel-good boxset in the early weeks; I watched Gilmore Girls when stuck on the sofa.

I'd say first 3 months are hard for everyone, regardless of 'easy' baby, the next 3 months don't have to be that hard. Most babies, I think, won't be waking up loads by then and you'll have got the hang of what cries mean, getting out of the house etc.

I'm a big believer in doing whatever you need to get you through the first 12 weeks. Don't feel you have to breastfeed if it's agony, for example. Enjoy the fact they aren't mobile, once you can get out of the house newborns are pretty mobile, do get them out and about (IME a positive side effect is they get used to napping on different places and you don't end up having to plan everything around their naps)

It depends entirely on the baby, if you're breastfeeding, what support you have around you, baby's issues or the lack of them and what shape you're in emotionally and physically. It can be a walk in the park or really not but there is no meaningful average because your circumstances are everything.