So done with Co-Parenting

[drainedparent]

I have a 5Y boy & me & his dad have been spilt not long from birth. Co-Parenting mainly okay until he got into a relationship about a year ago. He’s 26, 20Y old gf and I’m 24.
he moved her in after 2 weeks, cancelled on his days with son to see partner. If I’m poorly he won’t look after son as it affects plans with partner. It’s been a nightmare the past year. I’ve been put through so much but I’ve tried working through it for the sake of our son, so both parents can be together at appointments. And in my head the past 4 years, seeing how happy he is when both parents are there for important things, worked for us and it was great

im sick of picking up his slack, he’s supposed have son fri-sun, 3 weeks a month and on sat take son to football. Every time apart from 1 for the past 2/3 months I’ve had to take son as dad won’t and I get comments “well if you want him to go you take him”

child maintenance claim set up but it’s based off wrong income, and it’s being taken from wages because you guessed it, wouldn’t transfer. And I only set it up after 4 years of never finically contributing

his new partner is pregnant and I can only imagine it’s going to make him even worse as a dad

his partner was jealous from day 1 how well we co parented and expected us from day 1 to go through third parties for drop offs. She immediately was getting herself pregnant and they both admitted that. She was jealous of me always being tied to him having a child when it’s something I hate. she got him to apply for mediation and his excuse for not seeing son on birthday because he didn’t want to talk to me, so he was being a dad by contacting mediation. When in reality he was just respecting gfs wishes by not speaking to me. He was invited before he stopped contact with me then, to sons house, she wasn’t as I had been called every name under the son, so she wasn’t uninvited otherwise if I didn’t get abuse by not immediately replying to her, she still could’ve came

he wants me to be completely silent because if I ask him for help towards a swimming costume, I get abuse. I get called money hungry. If I ask him to attend his school parenting evening, I get accused of wanting to spend time with him. But then if he didn’t come, it’s my fault somehow?

I don’t want to use parenting apps. We’ve got another mediation session in about 3 weeks but I don’t want to contact him anymore since then. But the contact agreement needs to be changed asap as he can’t take him to football. So no longer will I allow dad to get him Friday as then it means me doing hours worth of driving which I can’t physically do. And petrol wise too. He can have son Saturday night but I don’t want to physically see him anymore it’s too much. Obviously I can’t see partner anymore but then it literally leaves no one to do drop offs. And it’s not practical not messaging each other, as we have to communicate but I can’t mentally cope with it anymore. He’s not gonna change the way he is with me, and I’m expected to be put through the verbal abuse as I have in the past, but it’s making me feel so depressed

Would walking away be an option ?
my sons dad did this . He favoured other children and step children . One day I stopped fighting him and emotional hurting my self and my child waiting for him to be a dad . Some men just don’t get it . They simply don’t care . They only consider their own feelings and don’t lose any sleep over the welfare of their children. We just stopped contact . My child is my sole responsibility, they’ve never missed out on a thing . They are stable , reside in one house . Never have to argue Christmas and birthdays . I take them where I want on holiday with no problem . Sometimes it’s hard but it’s for the best . They are an older teen now and is all they’ve ever known and has no wishes to contact father as he’s not that he’s never played a part . I’ve never said a bad word about him . He’s realised naturally with maturity that he’s happy and he’s needs have been met by one parent .

Sadly no. His partners family are extremely well off with money. They took him to turkey this year, paid for a new passport too. Take him on weekly meals out. They’ll 100% give him the money for court fees and help him do all the paperwork. They stood by him when he’s in the wrong when he’s stole money from work and all sorts. He could do anything wrong but no it’s my fault isn’t it. Her family helped him apply for mediation. At the time we were fine contacting each other but she wanted that. Had he have not been with her never in his dreams would he do that. Just work things out between us

honestly no idea what to do. Just hate how nasty and selfish he is and how damaging it is to me speaking to him

Switch to EOW contact and accept that your DS will miss footie when he is with Dad until you find and evening one instead.

Back off and leave them to it thinking they have “won”.

What’s EOW contact?

Every other weekend Friday after school to Monday drop at school.

Why are you against using a court approved parenting app, it will protect you from them writing abusive things. When you end up in court (because it sounds like they won’t be reasonable) it can be used as evidence.

Don’t start with the, he can’t drop to school. Not your problem to solve.

You can’t make your ex be reasonable and do the football run etc so accept the way forward is weekday evening activities.

At mediation stick to what is best for your DS and is workable for you, don’t be pressured into agreeing something you can’t work with. Accept that you will likely end up in court.

EOW plus an evening after school during the week is pretty usual plus half the holiday. You need to agree how the holidays will be decided so you can plan.

Plus birthdays, Christmas, Easter, Mothers Day etc.