Lost connection with toddler

[Bunhouse34]

First ever post! Looking for advice, support, pointers….

I have a 3.5 year old son and a 6 month old - boy also. It’s been a tough old year. Pregnancy was a drag and I struggled most day by the end, and the second baby has left me so sleep deprived (although it’s now getting slightly better!) I’m lacking energy to parent at my best.

My partner has taken the reigns of the oldest, doing most of his bath/bedtimes, being his port of call at night (still gets up through night) while I deal with baby in separate room.

Im just feeling incredibly sad and disconnected from my boy. He very much favours his dad, often talks to me in nonesense chat whereas I hear them having meaningful chat. Im at home with them 2.5 days of the week when he’s not at nursery and finding things more difficult. I’m snappy, shouty, and although I find the time to have one to one activities, get him outdoors, chat about feelings, I just feel like it’s taking a lot of effort from me, like it’s put on and I’ve lost that connection I had before. I need to address my frustration when he does the regular toddler things, as I want to be a good role model but really struggling to keep my lid on. Which is having a knock on effect on my boys behaviour too. I reckon he’s still a bit jealous of the baby and needs reminding to say kind things quite often, but after 6 months I thought we’d be over that. He’s just changed a lot from quite a happy go lucky boy to a demanding, shouty boy, who’s grown so much. Any advice??

Can your DH take the baby for a couple of hours at the weekend so you can spend time with your boy? Take him to a playground or place he really likes. Or just do a structured activity at home together- bake biscuits or build a den or something.

can you read stories or do small world play with him while the baby naps ?

if you can spend time with him doing positive activities, the connection will improve.

I feel as though I could've written this post myself @Bunhouse34 - I have two DDs, identical ages to your two DSs! I also feel like I've lost my connection with my eldest, also 3.5 years. It breaks my heart how she favours her Dad now, he does all the get ups with her (she also wakes still - more often than not ends up in our bed!). Her behaviour is more challenging, and she used to be so happy and easy going! Like you, I feel as though I have no patience anymore - or not like I used to pre-baby no.2

I've been trying to spend some 1:1 time with her whilst husband takes my 6 month old for a bit but it's not easy. She is exclusively breastfed and very clingy to me. But I'm trying, and tell myself this is all we can do. We're in the trenches at the moment but I'm hoping it'll get to easier as baby grows. Sending solidarity, right there with you!

Thanks for the replies. Feeling a bit more positive after a better day today, my other half is back from a trip and my boy seems more settled. Hope it continues this week. Im already doing all the suggested activities but could probably do them for designated times without the chance of baby waking up or with the 1000 jobs I need to do at the back of my mind. I just need to work on my patience, that’s my issue and one I’ve not had to deal with before, as a normally cool headed person.