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Parenting

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Original poster

Looking after kids whilst I’m in hospital is not dad’s responsibility?

25 replies

Glitterbug21 · 04/05/2025 18:50

Wondering if anyone can help me out with legalities here.

A few weeks ago I was in hospital for a week. It was a serious emergency illness. I have two children and my ex partner refused to take the children because he was working. Thankfully my mum had them.

Next month I am due to have surgery which again will involve a hospital stay and recovery. I have asked my ex to take a week off work. He states he cannot get holiday. He also said his work won’t allow him parental leave as I’m not a dependent as I’m not his partner and the kids aren’t sick. He also states it’s not his responsibility.

Problem is, if my mum couldn’t help what would happen?! I don’t have friends who could take them. Would’ve gave to contact social services? Where would they go?!

Im getting increasingly stressed about this.

OP posts:

Gattopardo · 04/05/2025 18:54

Well isn’t he a prince!

If there was no obvious person to look after them and social services were called… they would go to him and say, look pal, here’s your kids or are you voluntarily placing them in care? That would hopefully shame him into caring for them.

what a little toad, though.

good luck with your op.

Mindymomo · 04/05/2025 18:56

Social Services can try and arrange emergency temporary foster care, but they may not be fostered together. They would, I would have thought make contact your Ex or his family to see if there is anyone in the family before fostering.

L0UISA · 04/05/2025 18:56

I’m sorry you have this extra stress while you are sick.

Yes of course their father should take them. Yes you are right, it’s his responsibility and he’s a lazy selfish bastard to leave it all up to you and your family . But practically you can’t force him to be a decent person and a decent father. So don’t waste your energy trying to change him.

The answer to your question is that yes, if you had an emergency admission to hospital and no one else to care for your children, then they would have to be placed in emergency foster care by social services.

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Original poster

Glitterbug21 · 04/05/2025 19:03

Honestly he’s bullied me relentlessly over this. He even told my mum he was “helping her out” when he offered to take them on his 2 days off. Which didn’t happen anyway.

he says he cannot only “help” on his days off. He did send me a print screen from his work saying “he wasn’t entitled to leave in those circumstances” but he didn’t show the email from him so I don’t know what he asked.

OP posts:

Gattopardo · 04/05/2025 19:08

I really hope he is paying full (pathetic) child maintenance. What a git.

pinksavannah · 04/05/2025 19:12

I'm sorry your in this situation

Your not his dependent but surly his children still are ( even if he's not their primary care giver )

I'd check the Gov website as I would imagine he would qualify as this is an emergency

Although it sounds like he is likely just unwilling, sounds like an absolute shit!!

Original poster

Glitterbug21 · 04/05/2025 19:17

Gattopardo · 04/05/2025 19:08

I really hope he is paying full (pathetic) child maintenance. What a git.

Nope. And he’s asked for extra nights, said he’s reducing child maintenance and then sent me a list of holidays and events he can’t have them.

OP posts:

itsgettingweird · 04/05/2025 19:22

Parental leave is for your dependents.

so he can take it to look after his
Kids because their primary carer is in hospital. He isn’t taking leave to look after you!

worth to hear you aren't well and your ex is being a shit.

But if you were hospitalised in an emergency SS would always seek to place children with their parent before seeking other family members.

Iwon · 04/05/2025 19:26

Similar here.
Between friends and foster carers the hospital period was covered.
Ex couldn't give a toss where his kids were.

WeeOrcadian · 04/05/2025 19:48

Glitterbug21 · 04/05/2025 19:17

Nope. And he’s asked for extra nights, said he’s reducing child maintenance and then sent me a list of holidays and events he can’t have them.

Show quote history

Not the point of the thread, but why TF aren't you claiming CM?

Titasaducksarse · 04/05/2025 19:49

Remind him he has parental responsibility

If he doesn't wish to have this tell him to go to court to rescind it.

Original poster

Glitterbug21 · 04/05/2025 20:03

WeeOrcadian · 04/05/2025 19:48

Not the point of the thread, but why TF aren't you claiming CM?

Show quote history

I am. He’s threatening to calm them and have it lowered.

OP posts:

stichguru · 04/05/2025 20:12

I am so sorry that you are going through this OP. I think you need to go back to court as surely a parent needs to take their kids in this situation. I imagine that his refusal would qualify as him terminating his parental rights, but you need to be sure.

Endofyear · 04/05/2025 20:22

Well he's a complete shithead but I'm assuming that's why he's an ex! Of course he should be looking after his own children when you're in hospital but unfortunately you can't force him too. Hopefully your mum is ok to have them but if not social services can arrange temporary foster care. Does the ex have any family who would help? Or would any of your friends? I'd happily look after a friends children in these circumstances!

drspouse · 04/05/2025 20:33

What would the hospital do if he wouldn't take them and they couldn't find a foster care placement? Would they cancel your operation?

mindutopia · 04/05/2025 21:29

I cannot imagine being the sort of parent who would rather see their children go into care than take some time off work.

Of course, he should take time off, even if it might need to be some unpaid leave or he needs to find a way to sort childcare or draft in some family help.

I needed urgent surgery (for cancer) with a 4 day hospital stay and then was unable to drive for the next month. Obviously, I’m married to Dh, but of course, he took that first week off, and he was around to do all the school runs for the next month until I was cleared to drive again, plus he drove me an hour each way back and forth to the hospital several times a week. We are married to each other so it’s a bit different, but what decent parent wouldn’t want to make sure their kids were okay if the other parent had to be in hospital?

Gattopardo · 04/05/2025 21:36

Glitterbug21 · 04/05/2025 20:03

I am. He’s threatening to calm them and have it lowered.

Show quote history

Ohh let him take you to court for it. He won’t, because he’d have to stand up and evidence his non existent parenting. Just say “yes, what a great idea, it would be so much better for x and y (and me- that bit us important and will make him run away) to have them more regularly and take full responsibility for them. Thanks for stepping up”.

LimitedBrightSpots · 04/05/2025 22:40

Surely he'd be done for neglect if he has parental responsibility but is refusing to care for his children while their other carer is temporarily incapacitated?

Personally I'd just drop them off with him as arranged before your procedure, go into hospital, tell your mum to be unavailable and, if he contacts you demanding that they're picked up, remind him that he's a parent. If you're feeling helpful, give him social services' number and tell him to contact them demanding emergency foster care and see how that goes.

L0UISA · 04/05/2025 23:07

LimitedBrightSpots · 04/05/2025 22:40

Surely he'd be done for neglect if he has parental responsibility but is refusing to care for his children while their other carer is temporarily incapacitated?

I think you will find the Standards for being an adequate dad are very VERY low. Social services would no doubt see his behaviour as quite reasonable , he is a busy and important man with his Man Job. The children have women to care for them so he doesn’t have to unless it suits him.

Sadly no one can force a man who doesn’t want to care for his kids to do so.

mathanxiety · 05/05/2025 15:54

Glitterbug21 · 04/05/2025 19:03

Honestly he’s bullied me relentlessly over this. He even told my mum he was “helping her out” when he offered to take them on his 2 days off. Which didn’t happen anyway.

If you wanted to embarrass him (and you should) you could call his work and speak to his manager or HR department...

It's easy to see why this 'man' is your ex. What a disgusting attitude.

Whoarethoseguys · 05/05/2025 15:58

I think legally the are his responsibility and if there was no one else to care for them social services would expect him to step up before they put them into foster care.

nhsmanagersanonymous · 05/05/2025 15:59

Yes he’s a right prince isn’t he? Tbh I wouldn’t want my kids with somebody who behaves like that. You cannot force somebody to be an adequate parent.

MigGril · 05/05/2025 16:05

His work place is wrong and he's probably not explained it in the right way (maybe on purpose). His children are his depends and if he needs time off to care for them then he is entitled to it. He's not looking after you.

brettsalanger · 05/05/2025 16:35

Can your mum have them though?

your ex is a complete fucking twat so, kindly, you have got to sort this out yourself. The alternative is temp foster care.

hope the op goes well x

OutandAboutMum1821 · 05/05/2025 16:53

Aah OP, your post has really touched me. I was unexpectedly hospitalised for 1 week too with a life threatening kidney infection when mine were 1 and 4, it is an incredibly stressful situation when you have children, so firstly I hope you are OK and do get the help you need moving forwards.

My DH used a combination of parental leave and compassionate leave to take a week off his teaching job whilst I was in hospital. We are together, but his Head acknowledged that it was a childcare emergency for my DH as I am a SAHM, so he could not realistically be expected to find alternative childcare that last minute, so he was eligible for parental leave even though it was me who was ill, not our children. At the very least, would your ex be entitled to any compassionate leave? This was still paid in my DH’s case.

Could you get anything in writing to help from the hospital? In my case, my doctor asked me about my day-to-day, and categorically said he would only discharge me on the proviso I was not alone with my children as it would be too stenuous during my recovery. By pure luck my DH was going into his Oct half term the second week he would have needed to be off, but we had documentation from the hospital which would have proved his need to further extend his compassionate leave request if need be.

I really hope somebody helps you 🙏🏻

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