How do I make time for me?

[Darkflamexo]

SM to a 9 y/o. Dad sees him every other Sunday for a few hours. I work full time and have no relationship with parents, due to growing up in an abusive household. I'm an only child also.

Over the past few months, I've noticed myself getting lower and lower. I have a job that requires a lot of emotional responsibility, as well as being the more or less sole provider of care and support for my son. His dad is more of a playmate and will cancel quite frequently.

I am absolutely desperate to find time for myself, develop a hobby, meet new people, see some friends without my son constantly fighting for attention the odd time we're around other people. I also don't think it's healthy for him to be stuck with me constantly. He sees my parents once a month tops. Just to be clear, they are far better grandparents than they ever were parents, which does sometimes sting.

I'd also love to meet someone but I don't have time for this due to the above. I'm so lonely and crave an adult connection. I've been single for six years and have dedicated my life to my son, his dad was out of the picture for a very long time and so it really was just us. As time is moving on however, I am really starting to struggle with my mental health, due to the constant, relentless parental pressure, work pressure and lack of emotional support for myself.

My confidence is on the floor, as I never have time to do anything nice for myself. If I go to the hairdressers, my poor boy has to come too so I purposely only have minimal treatments done. I have no time for a gym class, or even just a coffee out with friends. Last time I went out with a friend was 3 months ago, when my son went to a sleepover. Before that it was probably a good 4/5 months before.

My son is so anxiously attached now, he will be ill when returning back to school after half terms etc, due to always being with me. If a miracle happened and I did meet someone, I fear how he'd respond because he doesn't like sharing my attention. I feel it's a hard and unfair situation for both of us, yet I've no idea how to make it better.

I don't want our relationship to suffer in any way, as I really am a hands on, dedicated mum, but I am absolutely crying out for space to care for myself. I'm slowly losing myself and don't have the time to help myself or do anything about it.

Could you either find a reliable babysitter to spend some time with him regularly so that you can get out to the gym or a class for yourself? I know some people will use an older teen or uni student for regular babysitting. Otherwise, are there any clubs or sports he might be interested in that might give you a bit of a break even if it's just a walk or something while he is there?

@Eenameenadeeka thanks for commenting. The only class he can attend without parental supervision in our area is a gym class that offers dance for 30 minutes. We tried this and he hated it. Went on and on about it for ages and made me feel bad for getting him to try.
I did ask my next door but ones neighbour to babysit once, offered her money etc but her mum said no. I signed up to a floristry course for 2 hours a week last year, a desperate attempt to make time for me, she was quite expensive though that made any semi regular use unrealistic. Maybe I'll see if I can think of any other sensible youngsters in my area.

Thank you again for commenting.

Ah that's a shame there aren't many options for activities. Any gyms with childcare? Or does he have any good friends from school who you get along well with the parents? A friend of mine has an arrangement with a friend of hers where they do a swap- so once a month she watches her friends children, and then on another day, the friend has hers. Then neither of them need to pay a babysitter. Hopefully he'd enjoy it too, getting to spend time with a friend if you could set up something like that with one of his friends maybe?

He's 9. Surely your area has extra curricular activities that he can go to?