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Three boys,squabbling, home chaos

5 replies

arcticsable · 04/05/2025 13:43

Interested to know if this is just normal and expected. I’ve got twin boys (preschool) and an older one at school. Day starts at 6am or before thanks to one early riser. There might be small
pockets of calm but from then on it’s generally a constant stream of arguing, injuries, chasing each other round the house, making a mess. The younger two are still quite clingy to me so there’s lots of competition for my attention. Every attempt for some one-on-one time is thwarted by the other one.

Me and DH manage it by trying to be out of the house as much as possible and running around somewhere else to get plenty of exercise in, but that has its on drawbacks - we both work full time so need to be able to get a lot of household chores done at the weekend, so it piles stress on in other areas of family life. We have a decent garden with play equipment, but sending them outside usually ends up with someone in tears in a short space of time.

I tell my self “kids are kids” and that it’ll get better when a bit older (maybe) but the truth is the constant conflict is draining. My job is full-on at times, as is DH’s and we need some time to decompress that just doesn’t happen. No part of the weekend is ours any more, and it’s a bit rubbish - we end up more frazzled when we return to work than when we left on Friday afternoon.

We tried to manage it by taking turns to take them out somewhere, but that has the knock on effect on the parent who is single handedly managing all three. We don’t have a lot in the tank to support each other.

I’ll add that the children are fine individually or in pairs, and the one at school has good friendships and doing well, so there are no individual behaviour issues that I see.

Anyone had similar, or has come out the other side?

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
PotteringAlonggotkickedoutandhadtoreregister · 04/05/2025 13:46

I have 3 boys. Sometimes you just need to divide and conquer.

If they’re fine individually / in pairs, split ‘em up!

Alltheoldpaintings · 04/05/2025 13:50

I’d try three things

  • guaranteed one on one time that is strictly enforced and protected. It will take them a while (esp the preschoolers) but they will gradually learn that they must let have their brothers have their 1 on 1 time and if they don’t there are consequences (we lose screen time for breaking the rules)
  • work really hard on their sibling bond - frame them as being a team, praise any time you see them acting kindly to each other, read them books about brothers and siblings looking out for each other
  • don’t get involved in the rows! Often they’re seeking your attention or approval. The more we stepped back and expected them to figure it out the calmer things got (within reason - we intervene if there are tears!).
KingscoteStaff · 04/05/2025 13:54

Rugby club all winter, cricket club all summer.
Exhaust them
Good role models
Space to run
Unlimited playmates
Other parents around to form a village

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LeedsZebra90 · 04/05/2025 13:56

I have two boys (and a daughter) and the boys are wild - the play fighting, football, rugby, and general physical side of them is pretty intense - they are 5 and 4 and whilst they get on so well they are loud, boisterous and exhausting. My dd is very different but difficult in other ways. I think it's just groups of kids though - mine are a dream one on one, but all of them together is a lot. With 3 you are always outnumbered and 3 is always going to leave you a bit frazzled but agree with pps suggestion of divide and conquer!

LeedsZebra90 · 04/05/2025 13:57

To add, I find they are a lot calmer the more time we spend outside, they are pretty hard to wear out but the play fights tend to be worse on days we are inside.

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