Anybody else's almost 4 year old do this?

[DancingtoDisney]

After some advice as I'm concerned about my eldest DD (and unsure if it's misplaced and this is very normal!). She'll be turning 4 in July and starting school in September (still can't believe it!).

Since turning 3/3.5 years old she's become more and more reserved in social situations - she has been in the same nursery since she was 1yrs with the same children all the way through. She has great friendships and nursery have never flagged any concerns about her social skills. She has always been a quieter child but recently I've become concerned about just how reserved she is and that she could potentially alienate herself once she starts school (most of her current nursery class are going to a different school to her, out of our catchment sadly).

Some examples:

• She gets very excited about playdates with her friends and going to their birthday parties, but on arrival completely ignores all the children and goes off to play alone (even when they are coming up to her saying hello and engaging, she walks past with her head down and ignores them!). She also point blank refuses to take part in any party games.
• Similarly, she is always desperate to see her cousins but when we meet them she does the same thing - doesn't engage or look at them, ignores their attempts to play with her. Then gets upset when we leave as she wants to stay!
• Every year her nursery do an Easter egg hunt which we've gone to since she joined. She usually loves it! Recent one though she was mute the whole time, shy and nervous to talk to her nursery friends and teachers! It was as if she was in a new place she'd never been before!

I don't know if this is usual behaviour, our other DD is only 6 months so eldest is our first toddler! Is this usual toddler behaviour? My husband wants to start planning her birthday party but I'm honestly on the fence as I know she won't really enjoy it as she'll be overwhelmed and not engage! I'm worried that she's isolating herself from her friends, I've noticed at the most recent party they haven't really bothered trying to play with her - and I understand why as she isn't showing any interest or reaction to them! I'm starting to worry about when she starts primary with a completely new cohort that she'll struggle to make friends.

Did anybody else's toddlers go through this phase? Did they eventually grow out of it?

It's quite normal for that age. My daughter was 4 in August. We were commenting the other day in the park about how her and her school friends have come along since September. They were playing separately but near each other and now they have their own little world together.

That's good to hear, it just makes me worry as the rest of her friends seem so confident and run over to play with her. My DD is very shy and takes a long while to 'warm up'. It's been a fairly recent development though as pre-3 years of age she didn't do this!

My DD was pretty similar. She's nearly finished reception and now it's rare that she haughtily ignores another child when they say hello to her. Our daughter was really quite nervous about starting school. Luckily she was able to verbalise this so we knew we needed to be extra supportive! She's done amazingly and school has been the making of her.

I would say my daughter has gravitated towards the other watch and observe before playing children but even those that are exceptionally reserved around adults have really started to engage with the other children.
I remember the first week of term a girl in her class came over to say hello as we waited to go into school and my daughter hide behind my legs. She now runs into school with her friends.

This is what is appears like - almost a haughty, rude persona! But she's not at all, I think it's a shyness she has but it presents itself as her ignoring others! I tell myself she must be a little fun as they all are so pleased to see her and run over to say hello 😅. But it takes her ages to 'warm up' - sometimes the whole playdate/party! Then in the final 20mins or so she'll start to come out of her shell and then we have to leave! It's strange how it's come on only in the last year or so - when she was 2 years old and prior she wasn't really like this. It's reassuring hearing other parent's experiences of similar!

This is my DD! Children will approach to play and she just ignores them! Even her own friends and cousins 🙈. It's so strange, she wasn't always like this - only since turning 3! She is a quieter child I'd say, but funnily enough she often gravitates to the bigger personalities! Really hoping she grows out of it soon

For her birthday I think you need to ask whether she actually would want or like a party.
Why not plan a day at the zoo, aquarium or the beach for her birthday instead just your family. By next year she might be ready for a party.

We have asked her and the confusing thing is is that she really wants a party 🙈. She's been talking about wanting a birthday party with her friends for months! I'm just worried that when it actually comes to it she'll be overwhelmed and not talking to any of the children there! She's a contrary Mary 😅