“Big boys don’t cry”

[Matcha2]

Said by a man to my just turned 3 year old who was walking past us in the street.
Irony is my son wasn’t even crying! He was having a little moan about not walking to walk. Dread to think what he’d have said if he witnessed my son having a full blown tantrum, which he had about approximately 30 minutes before this 😂.

All jokes aside, does this grind everyone’s else’s gears? It’s such a toxic, outdated message to send young boys. Naturally I’m very quiet and reserved and avoid confrontation with people I don’t know. But this comment really sparked a fire in me today because I wanted to protect my son from this damaging rhetoric so I did talk back to him. I told him not to say that and that there’s nothing wrong with emotions and not shame young children. He didn’t say anything back just walked away.

Wish people like him didn’t say stuff like that to children. Now I’m sitting here worrying about the effects that could’ve had on my son. Yes it was just one comment but it isn’t the first time a stranger has passed comment on his emotions and as much as I try to explain to him they’re just a silly man blah blah showing emotions is great, I do worry about the cumulative impact it could have. :/

Any other mums had similar experiences? Is there anything else I can do or say to help my son not be affected?

My son gets this all the time, he's 2YO. Unfortunately a lot of male family members and friends are very out dated in their thinking and try to push this on me and my DS's. They can't watch frozen or have a toy kitchen or cry. The worst is "they can't be a sissy", then when my DS tantrum its "they're little sh#ts you need to get them sorted". I've pulled RIGHT back from family due to these opinions and beliefs.
I think the best we can do is teach our boys that life isn't like this anymore. Boys can and do cry, and they can push a pram and cook a meal and wear whatever colour they want! My DS desperately wanted a baby doll and pram since his baby brother was born and you should have seen the trouble it caused because I bought him one! He may be a dad one day but that doesn't cross anyone's mind.
You're doing right to try and keep all of this away from your DS mama 🫶 hopefully with forward thinking parents our boys will be okay x

@letsnotIRL I’m glad I’m not alone but wow that sounds awful for you, very infuriating! It’s such a horrible feeling because as mums we are doing our absolute best to try and raise emotionally healthy children and then people are out here actively trying to un do what we are teaching them.
Totally agree with you on the toys point, let the boy have a pram fgs what’s the big deal! And you’re right he may well be a father one day but even if he isn’t, fostering empathy for babies is a GOOD thing regardless. My son has a pram, 2 kitchens and currently has his toe nails painted white bcos he saw me do mine the other day and wanted the same. 😂he also loves “boyish” toys though like cars and dinosaurs and police role play.
Its such a shame this is the world we live on but you’re right, at least we are not the ones pushing this conditioning on to them.

@Matcha2I love the toenails painted 😅 my DS had lipstick on yesterday he looked great ha! He wants his nails painted but cannot sit still for the life of him bless him. At Christmas he had snow flake Stickers on his nails it was the best I could do lol.
You're right though, he loves cars and football and play fighting, he just also loves moana and baby dolls. It's a whole new world and I won't allow anyone to make him feel like "not a man" 🙄 x

I would have told him to F off and mind his own damn business.

I don’t get this sort of thing. But I’m an imposing tall woman and I think I give off the aura of someone you don’t want to say anything to. 😂 For example, I don’t get catcalled or generally harassed by men. Possibly because I’m bigger than a lot of them and don’t look like someone who would smile and have a little giggle over a rude comment.

I think one of the best things you can do is let your children see you stand up to this crap. I suspect you might be more diplomatic than me though. Maybe something more constructive than F off!

I think you're being over dramatic tbh.