How much can you get done when you're looking after a 14MO full time?

[spicemonster]

I am about to become a SAHM after working 4 days. Now I've got so much more time at home, I thought I could get more done around the house. (I can hear those hollow laughs in the back row) But instead the place is a worse tip than it is when I'm at work and he's at nursery and, apart from the odd ten minute burst, I do nothing other than play with him or at least sit by him. He whinges every time I walk out of the room or am not sitting on the floor with him. I can't read a book or watch tv because he gets cross. He doesn't even seem to take long naps any more so I don't get a break then really - 45 mins is his max at the moment.

Is this what all babies are like? How do you cope when you have other kids? Do the little ones eventually learn to amuse themselves?

Help me please before I run away!

They are a bit rubbish like that - ds is 11 months and I cannot do ANYTHING if he's around unless I can do it one handed while I balance him on my left hip or I'm prepared to have him tugging my leg and crying. On my days at home, nothing gets done. It's a day for much celebration if I can put some washing on AND hang it up. But it does get a lot better - dd is 3.5 and she's pretty self-sufficient in many ways, but was definitely like that too when smaller. Certainly very amenable to being left to entertain herself, and can even be persuaded to help.

Your house will be more messy because your ds is there to make the mess!

I am a sahm, I became one when ds1 was 16 months and it was a shock. Can you get him to help you do stuff?

Admittedly my ds2 is now literally just 2 but he is happy to play on his own for periods of time (your son is probably used to being entertained all day in nursery by staff and other children) I give ds2 a duster and he pretends to dust, they love sitting in baskets so you can pop them into a basket whilst you put the washing into the washing machine etc.

You will need to try and get him used to following you instead of you going back to him. I used to shout "Mummy is in the kitchen" and both ds1 and ds2 learnt to find me.

And you should watch a tv program and say "Mummy is watching" then play with him afterwards. He'll soon learn that there are times you can play and times when you can't.

It does get easier. Learn to tidy as you go, it teaches them good habits and saves time later when you are having to clear up everything you have played with together!

snickersnack - 3.5! I think I'll go mad before then!

I am trying to get him to help but with little success. Admittedly, it's only tidying up toys. If I fold up laundry, he pulls it all out of the basket again. I seem to constantly be saying no which I hate - I sound like a right harridan.

I think you're right - he's used to loads of attention at nursery and when I have time with him normally I devote it to him because I don't have that much of it.

He's having a nap now which has meant I can actually make him some pasta for tea.

HaHaha sazzy... getting things done?

DD has whined constantly today and followed me round the room. I put her off my lap because my legs have gone dead from her weight so she screams and tries to climb back on. I took her out in the garden with me when I went to get the washing in (because she was whining) so she walks into the only sharp thing in the garden (the wheelbarrow) and cuts her eyelid.

I can stand anything except this constant whining.

I can do nothing.

Dd 20 mo follows me everywhere, hits laptop, pulls books out of my hand and whines unless getting full-on attention.

I have given up and have no life She is bugging dp whilst I type this

Actually, spicemonster, it got better with dd quite a while ago, so hang in there. Plus, with two, once you get past the hideousness that is the first couple of months, there are some economies of scale - they are currently crawling all over the sofa cushions shrieking with laughter while I loiter on here. If she'll play with him, he's happy - the trouble comes when she decides she's had enough.

House will definitely get messier when you're home all day! 14 months can also be around the time they drop day time sleeps (my ds stopped at 12 months ) which means that they're a) awake longer to make more mess! and b) a bit more grizzly as they adjust to being awake longer. Is your ds used to more company and interaction with other children? You mention you worked, so did he used to be at CM/nursery more than he is now? Could be another reason for him being more whingey, wanting stimulation etc

it does get easier, I promise - DS was the same at 14 months but now he's 2 and is much more able to play by himself for a bit and i can even Mumsnet a bit without being interrupted all the time!

I try and give my 21 month old DD jobs to do alongside me, even if I have to invent one !!!

So if I am doing clothes I get her to load the washing machine for me (whilst watching nothing extra is put in and I clean the kitchen whilst she does it) Then she opens the powder drawer, I put powder in. I set program, she presses the button to set it going. It might take three times as long to do, but it seems to help keep her entertained.

It's very reassuring to know that it's not just me

evenhope - it is the whining isn't it? DS has had a nap and now is now longer whining which is a blessed relief. I can cope with all out crying/screaming tantrums but general whining really makes me feel a bit murderous.

Yes alfiesbabe - he normally goes to nursery 3 days a week and this week is the last week he'll be going. So from here until August (not that long admittedly!) I'm on my own (quite literally - I'm a single parent).

TBH I'm a bit scared

Yes, it gets easier.

I never got as much done as I expected/naively hoped, so just concentrated on the life-dependent stuff such as making sure kitchen and bathroom were clean and nobody got listeria. My child was sometimes reluctant to take a nap in the cot - which gave some respite - but would often have a snooze in the playpen.

If you think you're going stir-crazy at home, search out local parent and baby groups. They help with the isolation and it's a couple of hours less wear and tear on the house every day.

When my daughter was 14 months it was fairly easy to get a lot done... but she hadn't been used to nursery and all the attention/stimulation that nursery would have given her. She quite happily did the housework alongside me, came shopping, slept for hours in her pushchair etc.

Your DS will probably soon get used to just being around you and will learn to entertain himself more.

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My ds was exactly the same, all I did when he was 14 months old was entertaining him. I remember hrs spent looking out of the window together (nothing much happened, we lived in a tiny road. rarely a cat would cross the road: excitement!). I did what needed to be done when he was asleep. Then I took the great luxury of sending him to nursery twice a week.
Dd was different though, as she's always been more independent than ds. And slept more .

By the way, they grow, and get more self sufficient.

This is my life exactly (although I work 3 days a week) on my days off and at the weekend DD is like everyone is describing all the time. I can't put her in a basket as she will climb out of it.

Spicemonster, you make a good point about your DS being used to you devoting all your spare time to him. I had similar issues with my DS. DH is a SAHD and I tend to take the lead at the weekend.

For months I used to make the mistake of trying to do the things I couldn't do during the week when at work, as well as spend time with DS obviously. I could never understand why DS was so so whingy with me and so good with DH (DH agreed this was the case). Then I realised that it wasn't working because DS wanted my undivided attention (obvious really).

Things have been so much happier since I realised this. I used to feel guilty for spending my time with DS and not doing the housework, cooking in advance, shopping etc. Now I realise that I can't do everything and the most important thing I can do on a weekend is to devote myself to DS.

So I guess you have to start from that point and wait for your DS to adjust to having you around all the time. Then he'll get more independent and you'll get more time to yourself (I'm still waiting for that bit ).

everything in our house is at over 1metre high. I fold washing on the table. Have 1 box that I whizz through every room and grab things in wrong place. When ds2 asleep or busy I put things away. But place looks messy and getting stuff done is very hard.

14 mth DS has discovered OUTSIDE. and he's been helping me garden. I pot up my plants - he unpots them. I sweep up - he unpots my plants and then runs off with the dustpan and brush. But TBH it's good fun, fresh air knackers him out and he's bonded with the dog even more since he discovered how to throw sticks and balls for her.

Prob your main issue is that he's used to have undivided attention from other kids / adults. He does need to learn to entertain himself, so maybe try telling him what you're doing while you're doing it, but give him a toy to play with eg while you wash up or cook, give him a wooden spoon and saucepan or let him have a bit of water play on the kitchen floor, that kind of stuff.

i have to admit, i've gone from being a bit of a hyacinth bucket to doiung housework about once every 3 weeks ! I've just spend the last 3 nights tackling the ironing mountain !!!

Do little bits as soone as he's gone to bed, ie 15 mins of dusting and whiz round the the hoover a couple time per week, just so you stay on top of it.

oh yes outside. We got a massive trampoline from aldi for £129 last week, with safety surround... = giant safe fun playpen!!! I can hang washing in peace!

My 21 month old knows how to do the washing, load and unload the tumble dryer, water the garden, sweep the kitchen floor, water the plants, etc. He loves to help with anything and everything. It truly is the only way to get anything done. DH even gives him safe tools to play with while he's DIYing.

Have 15 month old who is with me all day and 3 year old who is at nursery 3 mornings and I often get more done when I have both at home as they entertain each other for a while at least. The 15 month old will do two things on her own, one is put all our shoes on and off, the other is post things into other things. A cardboard box with holes punched in so they can post pencils through can be good, ditto laundry baskets with holes in. Pots and pans, tupperware boxes with lids also have possibilities. I have a travel cot in the bathroom full of toys she likes so I can at least shower and go to the loo, and even clean up the bathroom on a good day. It does get easier, trying to achieve anything else with toddlers is the hardest bit of the SAHM business, best to give up and go to the park!

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Yes the garden is a huge blessing - he likes to be out there (but I am constantly telling him not to pull all the flowers off my geraniums) but I don't feel I can leave him out there on his own.

He doesn't like telly really and will just wander off if it's on.

I will try and chill out a bit more and not despair every time I slip on a brick or find a piece of pizza down the side of the sofa